Leprechaun

Your luck just ran out. Really?

Halloween is around the corner so I thought "hey, review some classic horror flicks!" Maybe not the most original ideal these days anyways but, since I got a Leprechaun DVD pack with the three first movies a few weeks ago at the Real Canadian Super Store  I thought "what the hell! these are 90's classics!" and you know exactly what to expect when  I utter the word "Classic"... 

Ten years ago, an evil leprechaun (played masterfully by Mr. Warwick Davis) lives, protecting his ill-gotten cold collection. Today, Dan O'Grady, (Shay Duffin) after finding what he believes are magical gold coins, steals the gold and returns back home, followed by the leprechaun of course. Ten years later, Tory Redding (hottie Jennifer Aniston (Yes, it's the same one)) and her father JD (John Sanderford) move into the same house, which Tory isn't extremely fond of. Due to heckling from neighbor Nathan, (Ken Olandt) Tory agrees to stay. When friend Ozzie (Mark Holton) finds the leprechaun in the basement, no one believes him. When he finds the sack of stolen gold coins, he tells his little brother Alex (Robert Gorman) and they take it to get it evaluated. The leprechaun tracks it down, killing the shop owner. As the residents around the town start to be killed off, Tory and her friends start to realize that the killer is a leprechaun. Understanding the significance of the gold coins, they use them in a plan to rid themselves of the malevolent creature.

I want me coins!

See, this pain, goes straight to my twat.

The Good News: First of all, I want to get this out. This is the probably the goriest entry in the series. We have some really bloody kills such as a few really good looking face scratching, some convincing burn marks a face ripped off, a car burner to the nose, and an ear bitten off. The killings did look a little bit more creative than normal, and the effectiveness of them is a real testament to the movie. Another great thing about the killings is that the Leprechaun harmed before he killed. The great special FX is the best part here. This includes the only scare in the film: the recreation of the leprechaun. When Ozzie finds the crate with the Leprechaun in the basement, he leans in closer to hear what the crate is making and the hand shoots forth. The crate is then splintered into pieces as a terrified Ozzie is sent cowering away in fear, with the unbelievable story to tell. The Leprechaun's make-up in this one is perhaps the most frightening of the series. It's probably due to the fact that the film is a straight horror film, rather than the sequels' more hilarious tone. Because of the cracks in the face and the different dimensions it has, with the lighting in the film, creates a really unnerving sight when first viewed. You can tell this was intended to be a great slasher film, as it does follow the slasher rules: the indestructible killer, the false death, the desolate location, the killer chasing the victim and catching them by walking, and the setting up of the sequel. All these things aside, the best reason to watch one is to see Jennifer Aniston in a pair of short-shorts for ninety minutes, as she never changes clothes.

Pimp my tricycle. 

Gee I ran out of moisturizer.

The Bad News: The sequels are what made the series. They were all downright hilarious, which this one really isn't. This one feels intended to be a straightforward horror story, and there are no real big laughs in this one. There are a few funny scenes that definitely show where the series is going, such as a pretty funny scene where Ozzie is drenched in paint after an accident, but the fans who love the series for it's wacky gags and smart one-liners will be lost here. Also readily apparent is Warwick Davis' almost disinterest in playing the leprechaun. I didn't see the glee that he had in the sequels in his performance in this one. You can almost tell that he didn't think this was going to be big and never really put his all in. Another big problem is that the film really doesn't have a lot of suspense or shock scenes. Even the few scenes that follow those conventions are total letdowns. When Nathan goes outside to check on a noise, he wanders around the building for a while before he steps into a clearly visible bear-trap the Leprechaun has set. It's all too easy to see. You would think that wandering around a big dark house after dark would be a slam-dunk scare, but it's wasted. In addition, Jennifer Aniston as hot as she looks in her very first role in a movie (before Friends fame) never gets undress or involved in a sex/nude scene and that is a letdown.

Guess where I got your coins Leprechaun.

Shit got real.

The Final Verdict: It has a lot of people that are against it, and a lot of people who love this film. It is very hard to determine who will enjoy this movie, so give a rental or check it out on TV. Either way, it won't hurt you too much. I for one, think it is an entertaining film that would bring fond memories to those who were there in 1993, as my father and I were. However, truth be told, it is not as scary as it was when I was a kid.

Rated R: Graphic Violence and Graphic Language, unfortunately no nudity. 

Here's the movie trailer:

Sexcula

She'll suck more than your blood!

The 1970s and early ’80s brought us some wonderfully weird adult cinema. Back then—when you could still call them “films” without it being colloquial—porn filmmakers went balls-to-the-wall with storylines and a lot of the time the sex took a backseat to the nuttiness. That could definitely be said for the long-thought lost Canadian porn parody Sexcula which was shot in Vancouver, British Columbia (GO CANUCKS!). Bizarre doesn’t begin to describe Bob Hollowich’s (aka John Holbrook who went on to work as camera operator and director of photography on mainstream films) sex-filled gothic nod to the Universal Monsters, starring Marilyn Chambers lookalike Debbie Collins who only did this one movie but hey! she's made it to the official archives of sexploitation flicks from the 70's and with the recent Impulse Pictures release of the film on DVD now everyone can enjoy her timeless performance forever!

The story begins with a good-looking young couple (the girl is Collins who also plays Countess Sexcula in dual roles) who visit a rundown house once owned by her grandmother. They find a diary and begin reading it while on a naked picnic. The film shifts to telling the story of Dr. Fallatingstein (we can assume she is the girl’s grandmother) who is busy creating a sex robot to pleasure herself. The problem is “Frank” can’t exactly step up to the plate, if you know what I mean. So the perverted doctor creates a female pleasure-bot to try to get his motor running, but to no avail. The next step is to call in her friend Countess Sexcula, who is a hooker with supernatural powers. Yes,  you actually read that, a hooker with supernatural powers.

the opening titles.

Two girls one guy how does that sound?

Sexcula swoops in and tries everything from hypnotism to a sexy striptease featuring a poor gorilla prop suite that culminates into a mutual raping (!) to get Frank to sport some wood. Still the poor fuck droid just can’t get the blood flowing downstairs. It isn’t until the Countess of Cooter (that’s my name for her) uses her vampire-like power of stealing the virility (nay “sex cells”) from random people including XXX actors on the set of a wedding porn! That’s right, Sexcula smashes the “fourth wall” and takes us to a scene where nuptials turn into an orgy where even the old minister eventually gets dragged into the action (YUCK!). Spoiler alert: the supernatural vampirism works and the last stanza is a montage of everyone getting their collective groove on.

70's outdoors picnic.

3 girls and a guy.

This obscure Canuck production is as entertaining as they come. Of course you have the requisite sex scenes which take up about half of the runtime but the other half is filled with craziness that only ’70s adult cinema could bring us. There is a running gag throughout where Orgie, Dr. Fallatingstein’s disgusting assistant, can’t get laid aside from the gorilla who just wants to bang him in the booty. It’s hilarious to watch the two wrestle around; a horrid looking hunchback-type and a dude in an obvious ape suit. The “actors”—and I use that term very loosely—deliver their lines like maybe someone is standing off camera with a cue card because they couldn’t be bothered to learn their lines. The whole production is a mess but it’s a lot of fun to watch.

With a film like this, one that is so incredibly unnoted, it’s a wonder that I now have it on my hands. Impulse Pictures somehow have worked to make this a viable and watchable piece of adult history. The only problem I could see is that there are some scenes that are so darkly lit that it’s hard to tell what’s going on, especially scenes in the lab and with the gorilla. But I think that is more a testament to the production values of the filming and not the resurrection transfer to digital that was taken from a theatrical print found in the basement of the Library and Archives of Canada. There are no extras other than a trailer, but great liner notes from porn guru Dimitrios Otis and on the flip side a fantastic cartoon synopsis of the movie by Rick Trembles.

Let me give you a hand honey.

This is how you said "I do" in the 70's.

Tits & special effects.

Sexcula, will get a screening in an uncharacteristically high-brow venue next week:the Vancity Theatre.

Sexcula is scheduled for a one time only screening on Oct. 25. at 10:30PM Tickets can be bought at www.viff.org and prices are $11/$9. Remember that you have to be a member of the Vancity Theatre to watch the film. In case you're not a year membership is only $12 and includes a free ticket for the movie of your choice.  

Here a movie excerpt:

Hot Potato

This movie title spoils the plot.

Professional martial artist/instructor-turned-actor Jim Kelly stars in "Hot Potato". This film, released in 1975. The film is a nominal sequel to 1974's "Black Belt Jones": Here, Kelly again plays a US government agent/contractor, 'black belt' Jones, but no mention is made at all of his adventure battling Pinky & the Los Angeles Mob, so this could alternately be thought of as a prequel as well. Presumably the film was mainly meant for overseas/international audiences, as it is light on dialogue (despite the principals being American), and mostly dependent on extended fight sequences (replete with slapstick sound effects) to move the plodding plot along.

The plot-- such as it is-- involves the kidnapped adult daughter (Judith Brown) of a southern U.S. senator, who is held a fictional southeast Asian island country by a crime lord, Rangoon, (Sam Hiona). Jones is partnered with two Americans who are also martial artists, the slick-talking Chicago (Geoffrey Binney) and the potbellied Rhino (George Memmoli). A tough-talking fourth party, Thai detective (Irene Tsu), leads the rescue expedition (and guess who she falls for?) "Black Belt Jones" screenwriter Oscar Williams does double duty as writer/director here, but the film seemingly suffers. Attempts at comedy just come across as lame, as when a toy car seems to genuinely terrify a crew of indigenous henchmen, or when Rhino gets into a pick-up Sumo match with a local; A "romantic interlude" is shoehorned in just before a climactic battle, involving random fireworks, a crucified woman and a pit with two tigers.

Da hood can be safe again.

Movie postcards.

Kelly, inexplicably paired with two bickering sidekicks, has even less dialogue here than in its predecessor. Chicago's smart-aleck front supposedly masks his pain over losing a wife and child 5 years ago; Rhino (the most obnoxious presence in the film) apparently spends his free time in eating contests with locals and trying to bed multiple women; As a "fish out of water" escapade, this film doesn't have the same impact as "Black Belt Jones" and its hip-urban-America setting. The film, shot on location in Thailand, takes advantage of the interesting visuals of the landscape, including ancient buddhist temples.

While Black Belt Jones (1974) is basically beloved by everyone that's seen it, and deservedly so because it has a certain verve, Hot Potato is just self-conscious. Yes, Kelly makes some funny faces, and there are some beautiful locations, shot very well in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and it is a professional, Warner Brothers production, but it is watered-down mainstream Kung Fu for the masses. No characters are even remotely developed and it becomes a slog at a certain point. It's a childish adventure picture, and while it is somewhat amusing to see people getting kicked, punched, maimed, and in some cases presumably killed in the name of high-spirits comedy and fun, somehow it never really gels or works.

1975 double feature.

Sup' cracker!

If you ever get a hold of Hot Potato, simply fast forward to the end credits, as there is a montage of the "best" scenes in the movie. Seeing these highlights, you will get the same, if not a better effect as watching the movie and you will save about 90 minutes. Although you might miss the legendary Yuen Biao if you do. But then again, it's easy to miss him if you watch the movie straight through.

Anyone who wants their fond memories of Black Belt Jones unsullied should steer clear of Hot Potato.

One last thing: It's a mystery just what the title 'Hot Potato' refers to, if anything: Likely just something 'clever' thought up by the filmmakers and/or the studio.

Here's Jim Kelly showing his smooth karate movies in Hot Potato:

Black Belt Jones

Who's kicking ass in the hood?

What can I say? – This is simply awesome stuff! From the super cool Jim Kelly in the main role, the numerous chop-socky fights, car chases and general mayhem to the absolutely side splitting humour throughout this is an absolute gem and a true pleasure to sit through from start to glorious finish.

Director Robert Clouse who also directed Kelly in the classic Bruce Lee opus Enter The Dragon takes a far more light hearted approach here and delivers a film that blatantly doesn't take itself at all seriously (which proves to be a most sagacious decision). Just check out the utterly hilarious scene for instance in which Kelly single handedly beats up a whole room of thugs by having his pal (played by the ever likable Alan Weeks) turn the lights on and off – the dialogue from the villains is guaranteed to leave you on the floor with laughter for sure!

Gimme back my watermelon!

Nugget punch!

Other scenes of particular note (every single scene is great in fact!) include a number of funny brawls in Papa Byrd's (played by the welcome face of Scatman Crowthers who actually joins in the fight!) karate dojo, an amazing punch up in a train carriage during which Kelly manages to smash every opponent through separate windows in turn(!) and last but not least the classic soapy finale!

A great assemble cast of highly recognisable faces including the aforementioned actors in addition to the likes of the lovely Gloria Hendry (Rosie Carver from the James Bond classic Live and Let Die), (Earl Jolly Brown - Whisper from the same film!), Malik Carter as Pinky (a character of comic genius!) Mel Novak (who also appeared in Bruce Lee's final unfinished Game Of Death as Stick) and keeping in with the Bruce Lee connection a brief appearance by Tang Soo Do champion Bob Wall (O'Hara from Enter The Dragon and Carl Miller from Game Of Death) who also choreographs the fight scenes in this film.

Hello, KFC?

Foam combat!

What more can I add? Fans of seventies fashions (including a majestic display of solid looking Afros!), groovy seventies beats, kung fu and indeed comedy would be well advised to boogie on down to your local video outlet and grab up a copy of this veritable classic! When you have a 70's kung-fu flick full of polyester suits and afro's, along with such choice dialogue as "Ouch! You shot me!", "I'm Gonna turn you into fudge", or "Tuna who?", you know you're in for the time of your life!

Definitely to be watched with a group of friends, this is a one-of-a-kind gem among all movies. The action is often so badly choreagraphed and timed that it's F'N good!

Plot is the same as any basic old-school chop-socky... martial arts school fights from being taken over, master is killed, and main character must avenge the master. Think "Chinese Connection" (Bruce Lee), but 70's ghetto style!

The sound track itself is a reason enough to see BLACK BELT JONES! Jim Kelly ROCKS!

"OMG! did you see his huge johnson?"

Here is the awesome 1974 original movie trailer for a film that portrays Jim Kelly at his best. No wonder why he kept on making films related to martial arts and ghetto style mob revenge.

And as a bonus here is the 2013 remade trailer for the DVD release of the film: