Batman & Robin

the death of the franchise.

When everyone heard about Bane being in Batman Forever's sequel, we all lost our minds thinking the film would be about the great "Knightfall" comic saga,  but nope, Joel Schumacher has a way reminding us how bad his movies can get. Don't get me wrong, the old Adam West Batman TV show was certainly funny, and given the times, a more accurate representation of what Batman was trying to be wouldn't have succeeded nearly as well. But the show still betrayed all the emotion and grimness of Batman's themes.

In Batman & Robin, Schumacher seems to be getting back to those roots. He treats the entire Batman franchise like a joke. Even if it was funny, this would be betraying the name of Batman. But here, seeing as it's NOT funny, it only succeeds in becoming the worst of the Batman movies, and, arguably, the worst films ever created.

Thank God Christopher Nolan will restore Bane's reputation.

Mr Freeze & Poison Ivy.

George Clooney just plays George Clooney. Which is the road he usually takes, but this suave, dashing, and charming Batman seems more like Mystery Men's Captain Amazing than the crimefighter of legend.

There's Chris O'Donnell, the angst-ridden Robin trying to break out of Batman's shadow. The only thing he ever really does is act like a child.

Alicia Silverstone. Wow. I seriously wonder what makes someone say, "Hmm, who should we get to play Batgirl . . . I know! Alicia Silverstone!" No offense to Alicia, but she's out in right field on this one. Her tough-girl performance is sprinkled with reminders of her Clueless days. But all that aside, she actually does very little.

The dynamic duo like you (never) wanted to see them before.

Batgirl. Really?

Now, onto the villains. Uma Thurman, who we know CAN act, is hamming it up to ridiculous proportions. First, when she's playing the nerdy Dr. Pamela, she exaggerates that to a level I thought impossible. And then she inexplicably turns into an extremely sexualized villainess whose plan, by the way, would kill all the plants she advocated protecting.

Arnold seems like the worst possible choice for Mr. Freeze. I mean, of all the Batman villains I could see him playing - Bane, for christ's sake - Mr. Freeze is not on that list. He possesses none of the emotionless, calculated, and cold (no pun intended) sociopathy which makes Mr. Freeze such a good character.


In case you're about to puke because of this awful movie, I give a refreshing bonus of sexy cosplayers portraying what we would like to see in a future Batman release. Enter sexy bombshell Poison Ivy, and Batgirl dressed up in a very interesting armour.

How about this nude Poison Ivy?

Nice twat Poison Ivy!

Batgirl ready for some shagging.

And then, all that aside, they're handed ridiculous catch phrases and cliches they're expected to say with any level of sincerity? At one point Mr. Freeze says "chill out." Of all the ways it sounds, menacing is not among them.

Seriously, I'd have more respect for Schumacher if I discovered that he hated Batman, and had intentionally ruined it with this garbage. Then, this might actually be just his own personal joke. Instead, it borders on a travesty of good cinema. I only wish that 0 stars was a selectable option at the imdb, for this film ALONE. 


Now, to be fair with the film production there is actually one good thing about Batman & Robin: Special effects & action sequences. The scenes that feature special effects look quite convincing and don't look dated at all. The action  coreographies are also very well done. Unfortunately, Batman & Robin isn't a videogame, so that's not enough to say that Joel Schumacher did a fair job with Batsy. Besides, why did Schumacher add nipples to the batsuit & robin suit? why didn't he add nipples to batgirl's suit? or even better why didn't he add a red hair bush to Poison Ivy?

Here's the movie trailer:

Batman Forever

Batman is forever.

They say Joel Schumacher buried six feet under the promising Batman franchise Tim Burton has started in 1989, and expanded in 1992. After the huge success both movies gave Burton, he decided to move on, and to work in something different, something with less hype around it. However, Burton did agree to work as a producer in part three. Originally, Michael Keaton would continue to reprise his Bruce Wayne/Batman role, bu as soon as he learned Burton wasn't directing he decided to call it quits because he didn't like the direction Joel Schumacher wanted to take with the Batman franchise. From the original cast, only Michael Gough (Alfred Pennyworth) and Pat Hingle (comissioner Gordon) continued working on their original roles. In fact, they would be the only actors that would participate in the 1989-1998 Batman franchise. 

I'm Batman!

Original drafts for the movie suggest that the only foe Batman would face would be The Riddler, because Two-Face was originally intended to show up by the very end of Batman Returns (in a scene where Catwoman would kiss him and burn half of his body, while holding her hands to an electric wire) Billie Dee Williams (yes, the original 1989 Batman's Harvey Dent) had a special contract that would grant him to return to a Batman movie playing Harvey Dent/Two Face. Of course, none of that happened and Tommy Lee Jones became Two Face (Warner Bros, had to negotiate with Billie Dee Williams to do so) 

Two Face is a pimp!

So, Batman Forever, is the third instalment in the Batman franchise and the first one directed by Joel Schumacher. Released in 1995, the film added new villains, a whole new Gotham City look (more like a cyber punk pop art kind of architecture) and introduced us to Batman's sidekick Robin.  At first, the mere idea of listening to such new elements would seem like we're about to watch a great Batman film, however, Schumacher knows for sure, how to dismantle a good franchise. Batman Forever neither is a bad movie nor is a masterpiece movie (although I really liked it) Out of the two Batman movies Schumacher directed, definitely Batman Forever is the one to look for.

This babe here, will take you to the summer of love baby!

Personally, I just enjoyed the first Batman the best, I think a lot of us did. But that doesn't mean this was a bad installment to the "Batman" series, it's actually very decent worth more than one look. We do have a new but every exceptional Batman, Val Kilmer, who has a tough role to fit into after the great performances Michael Keaton brought. Nicole Kidman plays Chase, a beautiful and intelligent scientist who has the hots for Batman more than Bruce, she does a great job and looks so sexy! Jim Carrey, the master of comedy, takes the role of The Riddler, only he can bring the true comic relief and was a great choice. Tommy Lee Jones, as Two Face, was also great and so believable as a scary villain. Last but not least, Chris O'donnell as the wimsical, but more serious than anything version of Robin. The dynamic duo are finally put together for this masterpiece of a sequel! 

It's getting a little lonely in here.

Don't worry pal, my parents are dead too!

Batman is now fighting Two Face, or Harvey Dent, who was brutally scarred on one side of his face in a court case of his when he was a lawyer. When he fails one night to successfully capture Two Face, he meets Dr. Chase Meridian, a beautiful scientist and journalist. She is just fascinated with him and it's almost love at first sight for her. Batman of course is falling for her, but is playing hard to get. When Bruce Wayne makes a move on her though, she accepts and they attend a charity circus together, they see the Flying Gracins, a family of flying acrobats, but when the party is interrupted by Two Face and he demands to find out the true identity of Batman otherwise he'll set off a bomb in the circus! When the Gracins try to stop it and Dick Gracin, the youngest flying member goes his separate way to stop it himself, the family is on top of some very high up beams and wire which Two Face stops them by shooting the wires causing the Gracins to fall down to their deaths in front of everyone. When Dick stops the bomb, he is too late to see his family lying dead on the floor.

Who said I was a fag? I fuck real gals!

do you got a nickel pal?

He comes to live with Bruce and wants revenge on Two Face and promises death and justice! It's not too soon that he discovers that Bruce is Batman and wants to be him at first, but then decides that he shouldn't take over but they should become partners! Batman refuses knowing that it's too dangerous; he continues his affair with Chase. But there is a new problem, an angry employee, Edward Nygmam, at Bruce's business now wants to destroy Batman and become evil! Who better to join up with than Two Face? He also has a machine that can read a person's mind and makes it tell the person's deepest darkest secrets. When Bruce comes to a party after Edward is successful in selling these machines, he tempts Bruce into the biggest machine of all and finds out what Bruce has been hiding for so long. When Batman and Chase are together, she confesses to Batman that she is now falling for Bruce. When she and Bruce have a get together, he wishes to tell her the truth, you know a little bit before this scene he said to Alfred "I've never been in love before", what happened to Vicki Vale and Catwoman? I always wondered that! But anyways, Two Face's gang kidnaps Chase and now Bruce must save her, but his bat cave has been destroyed by The Riddler! With the riddles that Edward sent to Bruce as clues, he and Alfred put everything together and know that it's not going to be easy to defeat this powerful team, that's where Dick comes in, or now known as Robin! Can the dynamic duo save Chase in time and save the world from getting their brains sucked into The Riddler's and can Robin get the revenge he's wanted for so long with Two Face?

Oh Batsy, my clit is so wet!

Can't wait till Batsy covers me in cum.

Two Face could use some of my pussy.

Batman Forever is a fantastic installation into the Batman series. I would highly recommend it! It's got action, romance, drama, comedy, and great sets! Among a fantastic soundtrack featuring U2 and Seal's famous "Kiss from a Rose". It's a good movie and should be seen by every Batman fan! 

Here's the movie trailer:

And here the vintage HBO featurette "Batman Forever, First Look"