Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy

The first ever porn parody?

A few days ago a member from an old all things cult forum asked me if I had ever reviewed "Alice in Wonderland", and I was like, "sure mate, I'll give you the link later". To my surprise, there was no review, and then I realized why I hadn't made a review of such a rarity of a film: I didn't have the uncut version of the film and was still looking for it. The uncut version is, as you've probably guessed by now, the one that comes with the real sex scenes, which the original cut had plenty of, since the movie was intended to be the first hardcore porn film with a big budget and a story. Kristine DeBell, the star of the film, spent years denying the existence of a hardcore version of the film, in which she'd performed. By the time this film was released (1976), DeBell was beginning her career as a model and had recently become a Playboy bunny. 

According to David J. Hogan's book "The Wizard of OZ FAQ," Bill Osco, the producer of "Alice in Wonderland" had originally intended to star Kristine DeBell in an X-rated parody of The Wizard of OZ to be entitled "Dirty Dorothy." He eventually decided to do a take-off on Lewis Carroll's "Alice" books instead, probably because their rights were in the public domain and there would be less risk of a copyright infringement lawsuit than with the OZ books. 

So now, let's get down to business and review this classic musical everyone should watch before they die: Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy.

Sweet little Alice, the virgin librarian.

Wonderland and some of its weirdos.

Alice (Kristine DeBell) enters in a world of wonder... but not the kind of wonder that you remember as a kid. The Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, the Queen and others (even Tweedledee and Tweedledum) show Alice some things about her body -- and other people's bodies -- that might be quite wonderful. A tale of love and lust the likes you have never seen.

The story of how Kristine DeBell got involved with this is interesting. According to her, she was a model at the Ford Agency and saw that there were auditions for this film. She did not know what kind of movie it was, so she tried out and landed the part. Now, exactly what point she figured out what sort of movie it is is unclear, but we do know that she ended up going through with it. After all, making the movie only took ten days and a couple of fucks here and there.

Getting dry after a wet rescue.

Wonderland inhabitants show Alice how she can feel wonder too.

The producer was Bill Osco, probably best known at that point (and maybe even today) for "Flesh Gordon"(which we will review eventually). The director, Bud Townsend, had made a few horror films, "Terror House" and "Nightmare in Wax", which are largely forgotten today, even by fans of cult horror.

In "Alice", the songs are cheesy, but fit the theme of the movie. One song, "What's a Girl Like You Doing on a Knight Like This?" was pretty funny, and the others had similar themes going. The trial towards the end was well scripted, and fit very nicely into the world of Alice. The logic and humor were definitely accounted for. There is no denying it is an adult film, but one that has a certain level of intelligence.

Everyone knows how to party in Wonderland.

Even trials are an occasion to party.

What more can you say about a film like this? All I know is, for people who are used to adult films where the "plot" is just a 30-second lead-in to the sex, this one is going to overload you with plot and music. But, personally, I think there is something very special about this film and I do hope, in case you haven't watched it yet, that you do  come across the uncut version of the film that runs for 88 minutes instead of the 72 minute theatrical version. The DVD is currently out of print, but tracking it won't be that difficult. There's a double DVD version that features both the theatrical edition and the uncut version from which our review's been taken. 

In a 2012 brief interview by Metal Rules Radio, DeBell denied having performed any of the real sex scenes in Alice in Wonderland. However, a couple of scenes couldn't have possibly been acted by a body double, unless producers found an exact DeBell's doppelganger. In addition, she agrees she took part in the film because she was too young to care and/or notice what she was getting into.

In order to return to your world, you must learn the secrets of love.

Getting down to business.

DeBell's story following the film is even more interesting. She began dating producer Bill Osco, so through him, she got the lead in another cult (though not adult) film, "The Great American Girl Robbery" (1979). And who co-produced with Osco? None other than Chuck Russell, who went on to direct such films as "The Blob" and "Nightmare on Elm Street 3"! 

I don't see how Kristin DeBell's career could be wrecked by this film, as it was her first film. And Ronald Reagan's tiresome hypocrisies had yet to mar this land when it was released, but in a way he and his stooge Meese did affect Ms DeBell. When Meese was staging his anti-pornography commission (to distract people from his own criminal activities), Meese hired the services of an anti-porn activist named Judith Reisner. Reisner was obsessed with images she perceived as child pornography. She saw the "Alice" cover Ms DeBell did for Playboy and promptly announced she had scientifically proven that Ms DeBell was in fact a photo collage of parts from several grown women and the face of a ten year old. Yeah, right...

Anyway, DeBell escaped the world of adult films and b-movie schlock, appearing in "Meatballs" and being a mildly successful star ever since.

Blowing for some cum.

Back on Earth.

Plotwise, the film follows the stages of sexual discovery since Alice first becomes aware of her own body and what she can do to cum by herself. Then she goes into blowjobs, lesbian sex, and a whole lot more in order to be able to return to her real world and fully understand & fulfill her boyfriend's natural needs.

Alice in Wonderland: an X-Rated Musical Fantasy is what porn used to be, this is a true classic. I mean, it is an x-rated musical based on an actual book! There is a real plot to it and how many x-rated movies can boast that these days? This belongs in an exclusive short-list of true pornographic movie classics, including Debby Does Dallas, Deep Throat, and Behind the Green Door. I think the problem with "pornographic movies" these days is that it's all about the "pornographic" and not about the "movie". Alice in Wonderland has graphic depictions of sex, sure, but it is actually telling a story at the same time. Not one of the typical "Oh, Mr. Police Man, don't write me a ticket" plots, this takes it another step further and makes it a musical! Fabulous! If you want to see an example of "good" porn, this is one of the best. 

Oh Alice, I  knew you could swallow!

Kristine DeBell: All American beauty.

What makes this film such a delightful jaunt is its garden like setting. Partly filmed in the lush, natural splendor of Vancouver B.C.'s Stanley Park, the movie belies its pornographic roots. You don't come away feeling you've watched a sleazy skin flick. At this writing, I haven't viewed the triple XXX version. The extra sex footage tacked on afterward would, in all probability, disrupt the overall flow and remove the light, breezy atmosphere evident throughout.

Naturally, the Lewis Carroll version is the best way to curl up and explore Alice's adventures in Wonderland. However, for a time capsule representing 1970s' adult film archives, Alice in Wonderland: an X-Rated Musical Fantasy is worth following that white rabbit for a ribald ride full of mirthful mayhem. 

Here's the 2012 interview where DeBell talks briefly about the film:

Here's the movie trailer:

Scooby Doo, a XXX Parody

Probably the best porn parody ever.

Remember how in the previous post we told you this, and thousands of Blogger Blogs would disappear just because Google decided adult content would no longer be tolerated? Well, they couldn't! Net Neutrality won, and they realized on time doing that would be a big mistake, a step back and an eventual loss of millions of dollars. So, in order to celebrate our human given right of freedom, we'll review a porn parody film. There have been porn parodies reviewed here before (check the label section for Batman, Spiderman and more parodies) However, before we get down to business, I'd like to point out this blog has never been, and never will  be a porn blog just because. This is an adult site because of the writing that is developed here, that's reason number 1. Reason number 2 is we often review exploitation/sexploitation films that obviously, relly on nudity and simulated sex to develop a story, thus creating an identity that separate these films from other genres. In addition, if the porn subject comes to our blog is 100% because the film offers something else BESIDES the usual sex scenes I'm sure most of the internet users know where to find them when they feel like servicing themselves. Neither sexuality, nor nudity are a perverted practice, moreover, they're human practices that grant our existence in the first place. The female body is perfection, it is not a mean of vane cheap advertisement strategies, if there is something dirty to speak of, well, that is your mind, your fucking mind, remember What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (a Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention song) Well, take a good listen at it.

 

So, Scooby Doo, a XXX Parody is a 2011 film directed by Eddie Powell (yes, these films do have a set of people hard working behind the camera) written by Tyler Scott and starred by experienced porn starlet Bree Olson as Daphne; the exquisite Bobbi Starr as Velma; Chad Alva as Shaggy and Michael Vegas as Fred.

The film obviously exploits the fantasies we've all had with the legendary Hanna-Barbera cartoon characters. Let's be honest, we've always wondered What if Daphne & Velma were adult characters?; how would they behave next to Shaggy & Fred?; How would Shaggy & Fred feel about their beautiful colleagues? and the list would probably go on for ages but, truth be told being kinky is a human thing, something film makers and artists of all sorts know how to explore in order to answer all those questions we're naturally asking from time to time.

Smart is sexy.

We open with our title sequence as typically Scooby-ish background music plays. We scan over a close-up, out of focus item which from certain angles, appears to be a meat hook, a safety belt, or the Mastermind chair.

Finally, we find out what the mystery object is: It's Scooby Doo's dog collar. I can't be the only one who's already questioning the legality of this film, as if Scooby himself was involved, Mr Tyler Scott would be locked away by now.
Apparently our setup is that Scooby's gone missing, so that's the big dog's-penis-shaped elephant out of the room. And only 15 seconds in, I can confidently say that Fred is the most convincing out of the four, as far as similarity to the source material is concerned. Daphne (who is blonde, by the way - although it may just be to reinforce her stupidity) is writing, and Velma is being surprisingly snarky. Then she starts acting like a teenager and whining about how long Shaggy's description of the night Scooby went missing is taking. Shaggy claims it was at a "spooky Halloween party" with lots of boobs and vagina.

We cut to the party, where party music is thumping and people are wearing various spooky costumes, including one guy inexplicably in a toga. Shaggy arrives in normal clothes, where two girls he passes are groping each other's tits. Because that's how it works at parties. This random woman walks up to Shaggy, introduces herself as "Sin-D" and asks Shaggy if he wants to party with her. Then Shaggy suggests they fuck first. Sin-D accepts, and Shaggy, not for the last time in the porno, asks for a "reality check". He gets a biscuit and is offered cocktails.

The Velma we all dreamed of.

True friendship.

Back to the Gang's base, and Velma is whining again. She asks to be excused so she can "throw up". Daphne insinuates that "Somebody's pregnant!" "Somebody is clinically retarded" is Velma's reply. She leaves. Fred asks Shaggy to continue the story, and Shaggy does.

We return to the party, and sex begins. I can't write much about it, but it lasts 15 minutes. However, I cannot help but be underwhelmed by the size of Shaggy's penis. Maybe Sin-D has a big vagina. Or maybe his member is just small.

Just after Shaggy's finished, he is interrupted by some loud noises from behind the wall. Fred asks Velma (also through the wall) if she heard a sound. Velma returns and says "Sound? What sound?" Velma makes an excuse for the loud noise: that she dropped a contact lens... even though she wears glasses. Daphne, in a very stupid way, asks to find it. She finds only water. Velma asks Shaggy what happened next, but Shaggy says he doesn't remember. Velma partakes in some lampshade-hanging by asking Shaggy how he remembers all of the sex, but nothing else. Then she checks Daphne's notepad. She hasn't actually written anything on it, but "Daphne and Fred Forever". Fred has only drawn diagrams of boobs and a vagina. (how productive) Fred checks Velma's notes, but sees nothing on them. He notes that they're wet... and they have an odd smell. Velma takes them away before he can continue. Sensible, that's Velma.

Velma tries to get the Gang back on the case, at which point Shaggy notes that Sin-D had a birthmark by her vagina. As you do. Daphne gives the idea that maybe they might find Scooby if they go to the mansion and ask around. Finally, we get somewhere. But then we're derailed when it's revealed that Daphne wants to get pregnant with Fred. Fred suggests that, when they have sex, he cum in her mouth. She totally buys this. They start to begin the act, and Velma starts whining again. Shaggy asks for a reality check. This time he receives no biscuit.

Then Fred and Daphne proceed to fuck for about 12 minutes. Daphne doesn't shave so that you can get the true 70's feel when you see her beaver at work. Another funny thing is that Daphne wants to get pregnant, and that she happily agrees to try anal in order to see if that way she can get pregnant more easily (!)

What's under Velma's skirt.

True friends share everything.

Shaggy, having watched the whole thing, asks Velma if that really happened. It did. Or maybe he was just stoned and even Velma isn't real. But let's not go into that. Shaggy discovers that Velma's hand is on his crotch, and Velma keeps switching from freaked out to HAWT.

They have now driven to the mansion. Daphne questions Shaggy's sexual ability, at which point she and Velma have a bitch-off. The traditional creaky front door is opened - it's these details that make me like this parody - and Fred gives the traditional orders to split up and find some clues. More Scooby-ish music, and the Gang, suitably split, search around. Velma sneezes for some reason at one point. Then they sneak about in a line, and get sped up in some areas. Like I said, it's the little things that make watching this worthwhile.
We find Daphne fawning over an ornament with babies on it, when a hooded figure steps up behind her. Daphne has a vacantly wide-mouthed look on her face.

Cut to Shaggy and Velma. As soon as they rush into a rule, Velma removes her underwear and then admits her attraction to Shaggy. She reveals that when Shaggy was telling his story, she was turned on, and then went to the bathroom to masturbate while she was listening.
Then comes my favourite scene. There's something I love about masturbation scenes, I think it's a subconscious thing. However, when I look back over it, I find it pretty fucked up that I liked it, possibly owing to my description of that manly chick in that last Rant of mine. This explains some of the things that happened earlier. The sounds, and the "water", and the odd smell of Velma's notes... you can work that out for yourself.

Teamwork!

Back to the mansion. Velma, who is naked by now (not sure if continuity error, or just her getting naked in the time it took to tell him) takes out his dick. It is then that she makes the most cringeworthy line in the film when she says: "Jinkies, you do have a big cock... I can't believe I just said cock!" It pains me even to type it.

Velma, doing "obsessive" as best she can, and Shaggy proceed to have sex. It goes on for about 10 minutes. They then get dressed. Or try at least, because Fred stops them. Apparently, he thinks Shaggy's penis is really big. I do not like where this is going.

Then they find big fat bags of money in the sink. You know, all the money. From all those bank robberies that happened. I know I mentioned it before. Just then Daphne comes in with the hooded guy, who asks "WHERE... ARE... THE OTHERSSSS?" Velma proceeds to faux-ham it up in turn. Then she hatches a plan, she and Daphne lez it up, to create a distraction so Shaggy and Fred can jump the hood guy. This lasts for seventeen minutes, with Velma looking a lot more in to it. I wonder why. By the way... Velma doesn't shave either.
The distraction doesn't work. Fred and Shaggy jump out early because they want a piece of the action (wouldn't you?). Shaggy hits the hooded guy, resulting in a sped-up, half naked chase around the corridors of the mansion. Eventually, the guy gets so confused he just up and leaves. Couldn't so many other Scooby Doo mysteries have ended that way?

Swallowing they solve the mystery.

The four of them then start a great big fuck session, which ends with each of them having different partners from when they started, Fred fucking Velma and Shaggy fucking Daphne. This lasts for - no joke - 25 minutes. You wonder how Shaggy's cock is still there, after all that in one day. Then Scooby calls. He was at Scrappy's place all along. Great fucking story. Daphne thinks that a) she's pregnant and b) that Scrappy kidnapped Scooby. She then reveals that she called the police during the chase. Wow, the more I think about it, the stupider the plot seems.

The bad guy is captured, Scooby is found, and they get the mansion to themselves. They decide to have a money bath together. Daphne still thinks she's pregnant. End of porno.

Overall, the closest "homage" to the original source you can find. the actors share significant likeness to the characters they portray and the story suits what would happen in a real Scooby Doo cartoon. So far, my favourite parody I've seen. 

Sexcula

She'll suck more than your blood!

The 1970s and early ’80s brought us some wonderfully weird adult cinema. Back then—when you could still call them “films” without it being colloquial—porn filmmakers went balls-to-the-wall with storylines and a lot of the time the sex took a backseat to the nuttiness. That could definitely be said for the long-thought lost Canadian porn parody Sexcula which was shot in Vancouver, British Columbia (GO CANUCKS!). Bizarre doesn’t begin to describe Bob Hollowich’s (aka John Holbrook who went on to work as camera operator and director of photography on mainstream films) sex-filled gothic nod to the Universal Monsters, starring Marilyn Chambers lookalike Debbie Collins who only did this one movie but hey! she's made it to the official archives of sexploitation flicks from the 70's and with the recent Impulse Pictures release of the film on DVD now everyone can enjoy her timeless performance forever!

The story begins with a good-looking young couple (the girl is Collins who also plays Countess Sexcula in dual roles) who visit a rundown house once owned by her grandmother. They find a diary and begin reading it while on a naked picnic. The film shifts to telling the story of Dr. Fallatingstein (we can assume she is the girl’s grandmother) who is busy creating a sex robot to pleasure herself. The problem is “Frank” can’t exactly step up to the plate, if you know what I mean. So the perverted doctor creates a female pleasure-bot to try to get his motor running, but to no avail. The next step is to call in her friend Countess Sexcula, who is a hooker with supernatural powers. Yes,  you actually read that, a hooker with supernatural powers.

the opening titles.

Two girls one guy how does that sound?

Sexcula swoops in and tries everything from hypnotism to a sexy striptease featuring a poor gorilla prop suite that culminates into a mutual raping (!) to get Frank to sport some wood. Still the poor fuck droid just can’t get the blood flowing downstairs. It isn’t until the Countess of Cooter (that’s my name for her) uses her vampire-like power of stealing the virility (nay “sex cells”) from random people including XXX actors on the set of a wedding porn! That’s right, Sexcula smashes the “fourth wall” and takes us to a scene where nuptials turn into an orgy where even the old minister eventually gets dragged into the action (YUCK!). Spoiler alert: the supernatural vampirism works and the last stanza is a montage of everyone getting their collective groove on.

70's outdoors picnic.

3 girls and a guy.

This obscure Canuck production is as entertaining as they come. Of course you have the requisite sex scenes which take up about half of the runtime but the other half is filled with craziness that only ’70s adult cinema could bring us. There is a running gag throughout where Orgie, Dr. Fallatingstein’s disgusting assistant, can’t get laid aside from the gorilla who just wants to bang him in the booty. It’s hilarious to watch the two wrestle around; a horrid looking hunchback-type and a dude in an obvious ape suit. The “actors”—and I use that term very loosely—deliver their lines like maybe someone is standing off camera with a cue card because they couldn’t be bothered to learn their lines. The whole production is a mess but it’s a lot of fun to watch.

With a film like this, one that is so incredibly unnoted, it’s a wonder that I now have it on my hands. Impulse Pictures somehow have worked to make this a viable and watchable piece of adult history. The only problem I could see is that there are some scenes that are so darkly lit that it’s hard to tell what’s going on, especially scenes in the lab and with the gorilla. But I think that is more a testament to the production values of the filming and not the resurrection transfer to digital that was taken from a theatrical print found in the basement of the Library and Archives of Canada. There are no extras other than a trailer, but great liner notes from porn guru Dimitrios Otis and on the flip side a fantastic cartoon synopsis of the movie by Rick Trembles.

Let me give you a hand honey.

This is how you said "I do" in the 70's.

Tits & special effects.

Sexcula, will get a screening in an uncharacteristically high-brow venue next week:the Vancity Theatre.

Sexcula is scheduled for a one time only screening on Oct. 25. at 10:30PM Tickets can be bought at www.viff.org and prices are $11/$9. Remember that you have to be a member of the Vancity Theatre to watch the film. In case you're not a year membership is only $12 and includes a free ticket for the movie of your choice.  

Here a movie excerpt:

Superman VS Spiderman XXX, a Porn Parody

Just like the original 70's comic book cover.

Adult film parodies have become so commonplace these days, that they even have their own awards with the X-Rated Critics Organization (a highly educated elite of masturbators). You can name practically any TV show or movie and there’s a porn parody for it, and there is no man in the adult industry who does them with more (figurative and literal) passion and attention to detail than our friend Axel Braun, winner of the 2012 XRCO Best Director-Parody award and 2012 AVN Awards Director of the Year, both for Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody.

The original comic book which inspired the parody.

Superman knows he can beat the shit out of Spidey.

Superman VS Spiderman XXX, a Porn Parody brings us a fresh new adventure in the world of porn superheroes. Okay, not really. Porn director Axel Braun (not his real name, I’m guessing), who has apparently been making a killing putting out these superhero porn parodies in the last few years is the guy behind the camera in this DC & Marvel comics crossover. The guy’s so big now that his porn movies actually carry his name in the title. In any case, if you ever wanted to see the Last Son of Krypton battle the Arachnid Knight, well, this is your movie. Plus, if you’re into people having sex, this is your movie, too. And if you happen to be into both of those things, well hell, then this will really be your movie.

Lois Lane finds her way to destroy Lex Luthor.

Yes Luthor cum inside me!

The classic 1976 superhero crossover gets the XXX spoof treatment, courtesy of the adult powerhouse Vivid Entertainment. When Doc Ock and Lex Luthor join forces to defeat their nemesis, Spidey and the Man of Steel meet for the first time and must work together to foil the evil duo’s nefarious plans for world domination. Ryan Driller and Xander Corvus reprise their award-winning roles, and headline an all-star cast that includes Alexis Texas, Andy San Dimas, Capri Anderson, Kagney Linn Karter, Jenna Presley as Spider-Woman and an astounding Jazy Berlin as Black Cat. With lavish production values, spectacular VFX, and Braun’s legendary attention to detail, this movie may be one of the higlights of the porn industry in 2012. However, that doesn't mean the movie is entertaining. The problem with porn movies is that basically, they're porn movies. The more porn film makers try to add a consistent plot to their collection of sex scenes, the more they seem to fail. The average porn fan doesn't care for plot at all as long as the performers "look" convincing in their depraved roles. I for one, don't consider myself as an avid fan of porn movies. In fact I think I'm just an ocassional visitor in the world of porn, unless it is 70's sexploitation, that's my thing!

Supergirl saves the day!

Lesbian Super hero 69.

Anyways, I'm just saying, if you're going to make a parody about characters that do have a consistent storyline you should at least try to imitate some of that genuine comic book magic. I guess I just grown tired of XXX parodies as they all have performers dressed up as if they were the real thing, but they never get to manage to display acting talent, so they just "look like" the real thing but in no way they portray some of the persona of the characters being spoofed. If I had to choose a fair performance XXX parody I would settle for Spiderman XXX & The Avengers XXX, today's movie, I would definitely skip it unless I've never seen a XXX parody before.

Calm down ladies! there's plenty of Superman for you.

Hero's gals can be friends too!

Overall, Superman VS Spiderman XXX has interesting sex scenes, the actresses are very very hot and don't look like 80 years old sluts. In fact that's the highlight, the actresses! they have the looks of the comic book femme fatales, and that is a plus in an industry where actresses are made in the Red Hot Chili Peppers Californication style (pay your surgeon very well, to break the spell of aging ♪♫)

Your friendly neighbour Spiderman.

Spiderwoman teams up at last!

Probably I will not review porn parodies for quite some time, although this DC Marvel crossover porn parody has been just released this month as the "event of the year" I hardly think sales will say so, cause porn collectors download their films, there are only a few of them who buy the original DVD/BLu Ray for their personal video library, so definitely I will take a very long vacation from reviewing these kind of movies that add nothing new to the world of the porn industry. Just keep on uploading free porn to the internet you porn makers because no one will spend limited edition bucks for such mediocre products. 

Here's the movie trailer:

The Dark Knight XXX

The Dark Knight "Rises".

Hello fellow readers, and welcome back to SPAM-Alternative. Today we return to our "Porn Parody" section, introducing another major addition to the apparently profitable super hero goes porn business. So, enter "The Dark Knight XXX, a Porn Parody" Vivid's take on the latest Batman trilogy. Axel Braun is a regular with Batman as he already filmed his take on Batman '66 so a fresher look into Christopher Nolan's Batman seemed to be the natural choice. However, Braun's take is way different with what Nolan had in mind on his original trilogy, and the differences are not only in terms of the hardcore sex scenes, but also on the characters we see in this parody, therefore  the first sex scene is based on The Killing Joke masterpiece comic book, and when I say that "it's based on", I mean that it's a full-on homage, right down to the Joker's goons locking a naked Commissioner Gordon (Tom Byron) in a cage in a creepy funhouse. The only thing it doesn't have is a musical number about the benefits of insanity.  

Instead, viewers are given a scene where Batgirl (played by blonde hottie Penny Pax) is forced to have sex with the Joker (a fair portrayal of the character by Brendon Miller) to save her father's life, which she does, looking absolutely miserable the entire time (a good performing as it is supposed to be a rape). And then to make The Killing Joke homage complete, the Joker shoots Batgirl in the spine with an actual gun, just like in the original comic book.

Batgirl and her ready for action suit.

Far be it from me to tell anyone else what they should and shouldn't find arousing, which I guess is the actual point here, and to be fair, the DVD box does promise "a Joker that's creepier than the late screen legend," which they certainly delivered. I don't know, maybe there are people out there who came away from Alan Moore and Brian Bolland's original story and thought "you know, that could've used a little more rape," and if so, this is most definitely the movie for them.However, if you are watching a porn parody just because you want to have fun laughing your ass out, this scene may be a downer for sure, I mean you get most of the elements from the original comic book, but forcing Batgirl to have sex and after she's swallowed her foe's last cum drip seeing her getting immediately terminated by a merciless shot in the back will not look and feel as entertaining as you might think. And if you're watching the film with your girlfriend (a real one) it may also interrupt the foreplay.

Batgirl sacrifices her ass for his daddy's life.

"You have a tight ass Batgirl"

"Swallow it Batbitch"

To paraphrase Achewood, I ain't Frederick H. Vivid video or anything, but I do have a pretty solid understanding of how parody works. When you promise "geekgasmic film spoofing," that sort of implies that there's going to be a level of lightheartedness and comedy that's just completely absent when your movie opens with a woman being raped and paralyzed in front of her father by a psychopath in clown makeup. You can't really come back from that.

I was so put off by it that I almost tapped out after the first few minutes, but I ended up watching the whole thing out of curiosity over what direction Braun was going to try to go with. And the answer is that he went insanely dark with his story, to the point where it's kind of fascinatingly non-erotic despite the presence of attractive people shtupping each other. So wankers, you've been warned!

Batman's suit looks amazing.

The plot (which can be experienced as a 21-minute "Non-Sex" cut that's included) is particularly interesting, because it's very obvious from the start that Braun was trying to piece together something that would mirror The Dark Knight Rises, based on information gleaned from trailers and early reports. With the effort of trying to get Dark Knight XXX released at the same time as its big-budget Hollywood counterpart, Braun is making a parody of a movie he hasn't actually seen, which is seriously intriguing, despite the fact that it's about as far from my taste as it possibly could be.

Case in point: The whole Batgirl/Joker fiasco is presented in a flashback as one of the reasons that Batman (Giovanni Francesco) has put away his costume and retired from crime-fighting, instead opting to spend his time on a mountain living the life of a rich retired  man who apparently has gone in hiding from society. Of course, that changes when Catwoman pays a little visit to the Wayne mansion to talk business.

Catwoman's twat.

Poison Ivy's pink.

The other reason, far less reprehensible but somehow even more mystifying, is presented in another flashback, where we find out that Poison Ivy (Dani Jensen) has apparently seduced Nightwing (Brian Street Team), while also developing a plant-based cure for "all diseases". For some reason, Batman's really mad about this, which leads him to confront his loyal sidekick Nightwing and then zap him with a tazer and carry him off. To his credit, Batman waits until after Nightwing has fucked the shit out of Poison Ivy, so at least he's observing proper bro code, even if he does follow it up by throwing a batarang that makes Ivy's panacea explode for some reason, taking Ivy with it in a fireball after she announces that she prefers death to going back to Arkham. Probably this scene is a homage to Joel Schumacher's 1997 film Batman & Robin, as there was a scene where Batman actually fights Robin for the love or maybe sex, of Poison Ivy.

Even giving Batman the benefit of the doubt that the Ivy's cure is actually some dastardly plot -- something that we're never actually given a reason to do beyond "he's Batman," which I guess is as good as anything else - this is still a movie where Poison Ivy dies in an explosion thirty seconds after her sex scene is over. This thing's Eros to Thanatos ratio is jacked up all to hell, for real.
 
Anyways, Batman saves the day and avoids Poison Ivy's evil plan of blackmailing the world by selling her panacea.

Poison Ivy fights Nightwing's cock.

Nightwing fights back Poison Ivy's wet pussy.

Poison Ivy needs some cum for her recipe.

After the Nightwing V/S Batman scene, Catwoman (played by Aiden Ashley) shows up in the Wayne mansion to tell Bruce about the new kid in town Bane and convince him to come back and fight him -- you can guess how she does the convincing -- which he does, but only after stopping off to see John Constantine and Zatanna first (what the fuck have you just read? yes, John Constantine & Zatanna)

If you're wondering what the hell are John Constantine and Zatanna doing in a parody of The Dark Knight Rises, your guess is as good as mine, as they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the plot. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe we'll find out in the sequel, but that's pure conjecture. Maybe Axel Braun was just a big fan of Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing in addition to The Killing Joke, although he missed that "Constantine" is meant to rhyme with "wine" instead of "teen."

Bruce Wayne gets to shag  Catwoman (finally)

Catwoman likes to suck millionaire's cocks dry.

Catwoman's pussy is a creampie!

Either way, their scene is easily the best of the movie, if only because nobody actually suffers horrible trauma or death during that one. Instead, we see Zatanna (Christy Mack) performing for a bored, mostly-empty bar full of Gothamites, which I actually kind of like. Of course these dudes wouldn't be impressed by seeing actual magic performed on-stage. They live in Gotham City. They've seen it all.

Constantine (Clarke Kent) (yes, really) is also a highlight, possibly because he's one of the few characters that you can believe beyond a shadow of a doubt would show up in a porn version of the DC Universe. Kent honestly looks like he just stepped off a page of Hellblazer, and I'm going to go ahead and say it: This is the single best performance of John Constantine that has ever made it to film. Maybe he'll get a spin-off movie with the rest of the Vertigo characters.Hell, Braun might even be able to get Alan Moore to sign off on that one.

Anyway, Batman eventually confronts Bane (Derrick Pierce), who has kidnapped Kathy Kane (Andy San Dimas, who is here as "Bruce Wayne's ex-fiancee," rather than as the original Batwoman). Quick side-note, Bane's opening line is "Welcome back to Gotham, hope you like what I've done with the place," and Batman responds with "I'll send you a picture in Arkham," which makes absolutely no sense and thus becomes the only truly fun line in the entire movie. But alas, Batman is betrayed by Kathy and Catwoman, gets his ass kicked, and is then left for dead while Bane and the ladies go off to enjoy themselves at length. That's how the movie ends.

I will say, the actual Knightfall-style backbreaker that Bane drops on him during the climax (no pun intended) actually does look more convincing than its big-screen counterpart, but I'm not kidding: The Dark Knight XXX ends with Batman being paralyzed and left for dead, twitching once before we cut to credits. What is even happening in this movie?!

Lucky Bane gets to fuck both Catwoman & Batwoman.

Batwoman likes facials as much as fighting crime.

Get a load of this Batman!

The whole thing is just unbelievably grim, which is even more bizarre given how cheery and likable everyone is in the Behind The Scenes feature, in which Francesco talks about collecting action figures. It's at this level where it's just impossible to figure out just what they were going for.

At this point, it's not a surprise that there's a porn parody of Nolan's Dark Knight films. But the fact that it's even more dark, depressing and utterly hopeless than the source material? That boggles the mind, and let me quote Jor El's words "the father becomes the son, the son becomes the father" That is exactly what happened with this parody, which takes the word "dark" into a whole new level. Perhaps, that is the plus about this parody that doesn't follow the established patterns of regular parodies out there.

So, if you want to see hot girls being fuck like mad, this is definitely your movie, but take into account that Batgirl & Poison Ivy die after they have sex, and that alone can kill any boner. However, porn parodies aren't films you would watch with your girlfriend to get the party started if you know what I mean. And if you're looking for entertainment, as parodies are supposed to deliver entertainment, you may get a little of that with The Dark Knight XXX, but if you're just curious about it, watch it then!

Here's the movie trailer: