Transformers 4, Age of Extinction

Don't go to the theater to watch this crap.

OK, so Mr. Michael Bay returns to the world of the highly profitable Transformers, how good is this? The answer obvious to many, doubtful to some depends on how old are you and how much you like the work of Bay himself. First, these movies were not made for 80's nostalgia lovers, these were merely made to allow Hasbro to sell their toys to newer generations of kids (well, adult collectors too) thus allowing the marketplace to grow and foster the development of further Transformers products. Inevitably, the original Transformers fans (count me in G1 lovers!) would be turned against their will to go straight to the theaters to cure the cravings for seeing a dream come true: Live action Transforming Transformers!

Years went by and after two rather acceptable movies and a disappointing third installment the unexpected happened: Another sequel!

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a disaster. I was thrilled to get the chance to see it before most of the world (an online copy leaked, I wouldn't waste a nickel on a ticket for a Michael Bay flick) but ended up being thoroughly disappointed. The movie is 165 minutes of incoherent nonsense and if you thought that's what the previous movies were, well, you might start appreciating them after seeing this.

Oh my god! G1 Optimus Prime!

...And, it's gone!

First of all, it has that god awful Michael Bay humor that we saw in the previous movies. It's not funny at all and there is so much of it so often it makes you cringe. It's like watching a senile old man running naked on the street. It's sad and it makes you feel uncomfortable.

But that stuff was there before as well. What I loved about the Transformers movies, or what anyone loves about them, was watching the robots transform and fight. The previous movies had memorable moments. I still remember the scene from the first movie where Ironhide jumps up and shoots missiles mid-air in slow motion as the woman is screaming below, and Starscream jumping and transforming mid-air and flying off, Sideways getting sliced in half by Sideswipe, Scorponok rising from the ground, and the brief scenes with Demolisher and Devastator in the second movie and finally the Shockwave sequences and that time Bumblebee transforms with Shia LaBeouf (terrible actor) still in the car from the third movie.

But nothing of that sort happens in this movie. Other than Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, there are three other Autobots in the movie, all of whom are new. They try to come across as interesting but you don't really give a damn about them. Bumblebee is so seldomly seen on screen you forget he's even there in the movie. And Optimus Prime goes through his usual routine of getting his ass thoroughly kicked in the first half of the movie, only to rise again later, something which has been a common theme of previous movies. This is why I don't feel particularly strongly about the movie version of Prime because he fails so often and so hard in combat it's difficult to take him seriously as a leader.

Useless human beings with great surviving skills.

Fake Steve Jobs and her Chinese associate.

There are plenty of action sequences in the movie but the first half has about 10% of them. And considering the first half is about 90 minutes long it means you are treated to a lot of talking and other stuff that is either plain stupid or just boring. When shit does start hitting the fan later, it's just a bloody mess, with so much happening at once that you don't care about anything and none of it is particularly cool or memorable. There is also the nausea-inducing shaky camera technique being thoroughly abused here, which actually makes it hard to see what's going on because everything is shaking so god damned much all the time. Except when there is a product placement going on, then the camera is absolutely still so you can see the brand name clearly.

The only redeeming aspects of this movie are the exceptional CGI with some stunning 3D and the incredible sound. The movie looks and sounds fantastic and if you do make the mistake of watching it, do it in IMAX like I did because otherwise there will be nothing there to enjoy. (This film does have the highest amount of IMAX footage I've seen in any movie, with practically half the movie being in IMAX. However, I did not like the way it constantly keeps jumping between IMAX and non-IMAX footage between every other scene. This probably won't bother you as much as it bothered me and if you watch it in a regular theater then you won't see it at all.)

Retro Bumblebee.

Transformed Bumblebee.

OK but, what is there anything new on this film?

Transformers, Age of Extinction is about the same plot that we watched in the previous films, so the answer is a thunderous smashing NO! If you think I'm being too hard on the film, please check the following list I made while watching it:

1. There is a random family story of a group of human beings that will randomly become entangled with the transformers (we saw that already in the previous 3 movies!)

2. There is a secret agency plotting to destroy or at least control the Transformers (yep, it happened three times already)

3. There is a powerful business corporation trying to profit out of the Transformers technology (it happened already on Transformers Dark of the Moon)

4. The Transformers have been long enough with us on earth. Even before us.(it happened already on Transformers 2 & 3)

5. There is a conspiracy involving the government, secret agencies, powerful business men and aliens AKA Transformers (fuck! it fucking happened already for god's sake Michael Bay!)

6. Megatron must be fucking immortal! (he's been killed three times already and he keeps coming back!)

7. The presence of a sexy looking girl who adds nothing to the plot (my god!)

Yeah, Even I don't know why I'm on this movie.

Nicola Peltz in the flesh.

Alright, I admit it, there are a few new things and I also made a list:

1. The military are nowhere to be seen on this film. Not even when the robots are fucking blowing sky high a city. Perhaps, they quit their jobs and move on to some more interesting activities like crocheting with grandma. 

2. None of the original cast from the previous movies are here. Not even a cameo.

3. Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Megatron transform into new cars/trucks so that you can get the new toy (they transform into old vehicles and then newer vehicles, so you have to buy them both, what are you waiting for! go now!)

4. The Dinobots! (why the fuck weren't they summoned in earlier films?) Get those toys boy!

The latest internet meme is here!

Overall, Transformers: Age of Extinction is a horrible mess of a movie and a complete waste of time and money. The previous Transformers movies were a guilty pleasure and scratched a very specific itch for a very specific audience but this one doesn't even do that while inheriting all the flaws of its predecessors. It takes a special kind of idiot to mess up something so simple but Michael Bay does it with aplomb. Hopefully, the title "Age of Extinction", will lead to Bay quitting film making. I for one, got my fingers crossed...

Here's the movie trailer:

Transformers 3 "Dark of the Moon"

Last night Michael Bay revealed the first teaser trailer for the third installment of the Transformers franchise.

What do you think??? Personally I think I saw Mr. planet eater on the hidden ship on the moon, now the title of the movie sounds kinda weird, somehow unnatural.

later I'll be posting a "Children of the Corn" movie review

The Island

Is cloning right?

Michael Bay has directed some big budget action adventures that have an over-the-top feel. He tones it down a bit and, despite borrowing from a myriad of past films, his 2005 effort, The Island, is an intelligent, entertaining adventure with science fiction as its source material.

In the not too distant future, there is a segregated world of men and women who function with a limited view and knowledge of their antiseptic world. Their only way of life is that they must work, follow the rules and dream of being selected in the lottery to go to The Island, the ultimate destination of happiness and fulfillment. One of the populace is a male, Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan McGregor), who begins to question his existence and role in the world even as he develops a friendship with a female, Jordan Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson). He also experiences nightmares about an outside world and expresses doubts about the validity of his surroundings including the lottery. He relates these concerns to a friendly doctor, Merrick (Sean Bean) and later to an outsider, McCord (Steve Buscemi), a computer geek. As he explores the floors above him, he stumbles onto another level where he discovers a terrible truth and lie. Realizing that their world is only part of something much more, Lincoln and Jordan make a break to the outside with McCord's help and find themselves pursued by bounty hunters led by Albert Laurent (Djimon Hounsou). It seems that Merrick works for a cloning corporation dependent on enormous outside funds, and it is involved in secretly cloning humans for individual sponsors. The problem is that the corporation has gone too far in its experiments with tragic consequences. Searching for answers, Lincoln and Jordan eventually find themselves face to face with Lincoln's sponsor whereupon they decide to stop Merrick's evil plans and expose his horrifying activities to the world even as Laurent closes in. 

Something's fishy.

The lottery reading.

This film is engaging from the very start with its interesting premise, and it does a good job of maintaining a steadily building mystery until the startling revelation which spins our protagonists in another direction. And if it seems the storyline is derivative of a multitude of other film plot lines, it's because concepts such as duplicate humans, memory loss, corporate societies, and the pursuit of individual freedom and identity in a futuristic setting have been visited before. There are strong echoes of Coma, Logan's Run, Minority Report, Total Recall, and especially George Lucas' early THX 1138 and John Frankenheimer's Seconds. And savvy viewers may recall an older made-for-television movie along the same lines called The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler. Yet by liberally borrowing from these stories, The Island reinterprets familiar themes into a reasonably entertaining story unto its own with a nod to science fiction author Philip Dick.

Adapted from his own story by Caspian Tredwell-Owen and Alias alums Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the narrative takes a deliberate path, and its exciting action scenes, particularly the numerous chases on foot and by car, are in service of the plot. Michael Bay has been notorious for filming elaborate, 'shoot 'em up' and 'blow 'em up' set pieces that resemble a massive video game. Here, he holds back a little and concentrates more on staying true to his storyline. 'The play's the thing' and events move so rapidly, you don't notice the credibility gaps that strain logic at times. 

The evil doctor.

Clones.

Sean Bean (who is making himself quite the first choice in movie villainy as in Goldeneye) is quite good as the sinister Merrick, and Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator) registers in a role that could have been one dimensional and without heart. Ethan Phillips (late of Star Trek: Voyager) lends able support as a resident of the clone world. And let us not forget the wonderful Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs) who gets some of the best lines and exits much too soon. The leads, McGregor (Star Wars) and Johansson (Lost in Translation) are quite photogenic and work together quite well. One wishes they have future screen pairings.

The special effects are effective and especially impressive when Lincoln meets his dead on double. Those scenes are so good, they are seamless. The world of the near future is realistic in its depiction in much the way Blade Runner integrated futuristic vehicles and technology with older, existing buildings and settings. The pace is well edited, and the film never feels slow and boring.

You don't wanna mess with my weaponry lady...

...That is a massive cock!

Again, there are a couple of scenes which really strain credulity, but they come and go so quickly that you are on to the next scene. One obvious complaint is the product placement that becomes a bit self conscious and annoying after the third or fourth product logo is conspicuously shown. You'll see what I mean. It's also hard not to have a slight feeling that the film's main theme has controversial, political implications with the debate over cloning, stem cell research and the abortion fight in recent headlines.

Although it is ironically a clone of other film plots, The Island delivers legitimate action and thrills without sacrificing its linear storytelling. Let yourself go and don't pay too much attention to the occasional plot lapses, and you'll find this a reasonably diverting adventure. 

Here's the movie trailer: