Corvette Summer

From a far away galaxy to Las Vegas.

What do you get when you mix the coolest muscle cars of the 70's with new kid on the block Mark Hamill & future Ghostbusters secretary Annie Potts? The answer is an hour and forty five minutes of adventure and guaranteed laughter!

Corvette Summer is  a 1978 adventure film starred by Mark Hamill (shit! only a few months after he became the legendary Star Wars' Luke Skywalker!) and newcomer Annie Potts (remembered by nerds for her sexy read hair role in the above mentioned Ghostbusters flicks) Directed by Matthew Robbins and written by Hal Barwood & Robbins, this under rated gem, is a must for every muscle car lover & every adventure/comedy film enthusiast. 

The missing Corvette.

Hitch hiking for a dream car.

Mark Hamill, fresh from the astronomical success of "Star Wars," delivers an animated and thoroughly engaging performance as Kenneth W. Dantley, a guileless, but hot-blooded Los Angeles teenage automobile enthusiast who leads his high school autobody shop in restoring a '73 Corvette stingray back to its full pristine turbo-charged candy apple red glory. After the 'vette gets stolen, the extremely obsessive and determined Hamill heads off to Las Vegas to reclaim it. While fumbling and stumbling around Sin City Hamill hooks up with and eventually falls bum over teakettle in love with kooky, saucy, tenderhearted aspiring prostitute Vanessa (a wonderfully flaky and adorable Annie Potts, who's utterly disarming in her film debut).

A winsome, spirited, perfectly enjoyable and infectiously good-natured seriocomic youth coming-of-age tale, "Corvette Summer" bristles along with an easy, carefree, unforced charm that's impossible to resist. Matthew Robbins, who also co-wrote the bright, insightful script with Hal Barwood (these two subsequently collaborated on the equally excellent fantasy treat "Dragonslayer"), directs with tremendous energy and agility, skillfully mixing a swift headlong pace, uniformly bang-up acting, laughs, romance, and such trenchantly examined themes as chasing after one's dreams (both literally and figuratively), joyful adolescent innocence being curdled into sour adult cynicism, staying true to one's beliefs, and one painful rite of passage -- the rude awakening to a harsh, jarring, not always fair reality with all its many disheartening foibles and inequities -- that we all must undergo into the taut, absorbing narrative. Technically, the film is every bit as shiny and attractive as its titular car star: Frank Stanley's lively, colorful, lustrous cinematography, Amy Jones' fluid, sharp editing and Craig Safan's swell, stirring score are all most impressive.

I'll let you suck my dick if you help me find my car.

Let's fuck Kenny, your car will show up eventually.

Kudos to the top supporting cast: Eugene Roche as Hamill's friendly autoshop teacher, Danny Bonaduce and Wendy Jo Spurber as two of Hamill's fellow car-loving autoshop classmates, Kim Milford (the wimpy browbeaten kid hero of the enticingly chintzy sci-fi revenge potboiler "Laserblast") as the cocky, effeminate leader of a stolen car ring, Brion James as the jerk who gains illegal possession of Hamill's car, the ubiquitous Dick Miller as a genial, generous gambler, T.K. Carter as a carwash employee, and Phillip Bruns as a sleazy grifter gas station proprietor. A frenetic chase sequence between a bike-riding Hamill and a car-driving James constitutes as a definite thrilling highlight. The relationship between the naive Hamill and the more worldly Potts is quite amusing, affecting and endearing; they make for a nice, enchanting couple. The film's pretty bewitching as well, thanks to its relaxed, off-beat tone, quirky bits of humor, steady, but laid-back drive, affable leads, and general uplifting air of fresh-faced sweetness. A breezy, cheeky, hugely appealing and radiantly gleaming gem of a sleeper.  

Why people don't consider Corvette Summer as a true 70's classic teenage comedy is beyond my understanding. Mark Hamill's career may be forever bound to science fiction and comic books but, believe you me, if you're planning to see another side of his acting skills, look no more because this is the film you totally need to watch.  As for Annie Pott's debut, she totally nails the job! Watching the first half of the movie misleads you into thinking who she really is until the other half begins and you see a much wider character developing.

Vanessa's super cool Chevy Van!

This paint won't fool me, this is my car!

As for the 1973 Corvette Stingray, The mold for this film's centerpiece car is part of the collection of America's National Corvette Museum and displayed at the Corvette Americana Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York. The museum also screens this movie regularly! 

The Corvette car was a 1973 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray converted to right hand drive so that Mark Hamill could hang out of the curbside window looking at the ladies (Yes, you read that right). The car was also painted candy apple / cherry, given superior mags, a clam-shell hood, Gabriel shocks, Merry tubes, a metal flake, side-pipes, and flames painted on the body.  

I'm gonna recover my car no matter what!

Not without a fight kiddo.

Mark Hamill said of this movie around the time of production: "I insisted on looking different. And I'm only interested in the car, not even any girl, until Annie Potts came along. . . It's not a car movie. It's really a love story. And I'm so thrilled to be working with Annie Potts. She reminds me of Judy Holliday. She's a unique creature." Hamill years after the film first came out then said: "Corvette Summer is a great little picture and it's got sort of a title that's a misnomer because you sort of put it in one category when you first see it and you go, 'Oh gee, it's quite a nicely written, uh romantic movie.' And I enjoyed it immensely." 

Hamill was badly injured in an automobile wreck in Malibu, California just prior to production. He bares the scars through Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983) As a matter of fact, Annie Potts also, was in car accidents prior to principal photography. Potts got pins in her legs whilst Hamill got a broken nose.

I got the money now babe.

I can't believe we did it!

Overall, Corvette Summer is pure PG rated entertainment that every member of your family can enjoy (unless you live with inflatable anime dolls, that's not what I'd call family you, nasty freak!) This movie guarantees almost two hours of adventure, comedy, pun intended jokes and even romance! this movie has it all! 

Here's the movie trailer:

Porgi l'altra guancia AKA Turn the Other Cheek

The gospel of fist!

Terence Hill and Bud Spencer have portrayed EVERYTHING. Crooks,pirates,cops,cowboys etc. In 1974's Porgi L'atra Guanca, AKA Turn the other Cheek,  they play Priests who sell pepper and coffee on a large boat in Europe, while preaching and healing the ill at the same time. 

Padre J (Terence Hill) and Padre Pedro (Bud Spencer) leave European waters to bring their to gospel to Maracaibo, Venezuela (although the filming location was in Colombia according to some sources but, I doubt that either because in South America there are no Asian languages spoken anywhere, and in a few scenes you see some signs written in some Asian language, which leads me to think they must have filmed in the Philippines instead)   

Sailing with God's help.

Slavery? let's get busy padre!

Set in Anno dil Segnore 1890, our Padres will not only bring the gospel and supplies to a new land, they will also fight slavery and overpowered rich white men with their strongest weapon: Their fists!

Not being granted funds to build a new church by their bishop (Jacques Herlin) Padre Pedro steals the bishop's ring and and goes to the Maracaibo local casino to play roulette and get money. Evidently, this calls the attention of Marches Alfonso Felipe Gonzaga, the governor (played by Robert Loggia) who is searching for a missing religious idol, as well as some of his slaves that disappeared in a cast away ship. Sooner than later, our religious heroes are exiled to a strict community controlled by the Governor and his men. Not happy with this, our padres decide to take matters on their own through a schemed inside job that will not only set free all the enslaved workers but also, a scheme that will reveal the true nature of the abusive governor. 

Padre Pedro, the dentist.

The gospel goes wild.

The film was produced by legendary producer Dino de Laurentis, who has won an Oscar and 22 other awards, not mentioning produced 172 films during his lifetime! Among his most famous works, he produced Barbarella, King-Kong (the 1976 version), Conan The Barbarian, Flash Gordon, Maximum Overdrive, Red Dragon & Hannibal.  

The movie title, Porgi L'atra guancia, comes from an old Christian belief that once someone has offended you, you have to give them another chance, hence the cheek (guancia) reference. In one of the film's scenes, Padre Pedro and Padre J discuss this and modify the saying by adding that if you're hit in the wrong cheek you will get fist for breakfast. 

A signature scene in Hill & Spencer's films: a feast.

Let's see if your God will stop this bullet.

Overall, Turn the Other Cheek, may not be among their finest works, but the beautiful late 1800's scenery, landscapes and chemistry in the leading duo makes this film worth a try even for those who are not hardcore Hill & Spencer fans. Just don't expect to find religious teachings worth trying in real life here. Unless, of course, you don't give a fuck about religions (as I do) and prefer the action speaks louder than words motto.

Here's the movie trailer:

 

Piu Forte Ragazzi AKA All the Way Boys!

Piu forte ragazzi!

Although Bud Spencer & Terence Hill are not a part of the 1001 Movies You Must Watch Before You Die book, there are more than 1001 reasons to watch at least a few of their wonderful movies. The Italian couple worked together in 18 movies and tried going solo for a few films, as well as building a career in local Italian television but nothing will ever outdo the times they worked together. 

Today, Carlos Pedersoli (Bud Spencer's real name) is an 86 year old veteran actor, while Mario Girotti (Terence Hill) is a 77 year old veteran actor too. Piu Forte Ragazzi, AKA All The Way Boys! is a 1972 film directed by Giuseppe Colizzi  and starred by our two favorite Italian heroes of all time. What makes this movie interesting, is that this marks the very first time where Spencer & Hill are not making a Spaghetti Western  movie.

Insurance money? piece of cake!

Well I'll be damned!

Piu Forte Ragazzi follows the steps of air cargo pilots Plata (Hill) & Salud (Spencer) Their latest mission takes them to the amazons to stage a plane accident in order to cash in an insurance policy. Unfortunately, their plane actually malfunctions forcing them to crash land in an unknown wild forest. Soon enough, they find out there is a small mining colony that barely makes it to the end of the day by getting the precious stones to a certain Mr. Ears (played by Reinhard Kolldehoff) The thing is, this Mr. Ears runs the show, and it's a one man's show only. Not only he underpays his workers, he also gets the little money they make by bringing them supplies they can't find anywhere else. 

In order to make a living, Plata & Salud find an old plane, fix it, and start running their own supply business, which of course, will lead them into direct trouble with Mr. Ears & his lowlife gang.

Soon enough, the locals start getting supplies from the new vendors and things begin going south pretty quickly. 

 

We may be friends.

But we have our differences.

When watching a Terence Hill & Bud Spencer movie, you're not looking for a masterpiece in story telling, you're looking for action, adventure & lots of laughs. Interestingly enough, their films always come with very educational lessons on how to survive rough times, work together despite differences, help the helpless and in the end, fix what's wrong. Of course, that won't happen until the very end of the movie, where our heroes have convinced wrong doers through a fostering lesson of my fist, your face. 

Piu Forte Ragazzi, as mentioned above, is the first time the duo is out of their comfort zone. They're no longer into the spaghetti western genre but straight into the action/adventure genre with a contemporary setting. While this may not be the ideal film to watch if it's your first time into the couple's work, the movie proves these actors could outdo themselves by surviving a decaying genre that ended up becoming a parody of itself. 

Let me explain...

Plata knows his game.

After appearing in this film, Spencer became a real life jet airplane and helicopter pilot. He established Mistral Air in 1984, an air-mail company that also transports pilgrims, but alter sold it to Poste Italiane to buy a textile mill that produced clothes for children. Yes, Bud Spencer is also a real life hero. 

Piu Forte Ragazzi is probably one of the best Spencer / Hill movies ever made. The soundtrack, atmosphere, jokes, and the fact that the movie is not too childish makes it a "must see" for any fan of Bud Spencer and Terence Hill. Unfortunately, there is one problem: all over there world there does not exist an uncut version. You can rather point out 2 different cuts. The German version misses out on several plot points as well as brawling; additionally it offers alternative footage every now and then. On the other hand there's the Italian/international version which was also released in the USA and Denmark. If you can, stay away from this version. While the German version already misses out on roughly 7 and half minutes of footage (30 cuts), the Italian/international version includes 105 cuts with an overall runtime of 18 minutes of missing footage! A detailed comparison between both versions, split in two parts, with pictures can be found here (scenes missing in the German Version) and here (scenes missing in the International Version).  

Here's the movie trailer:

 

Dolores Claiborne

These are talented women.

Our two previous entries were an attempt to document Bo Derek's career in our humble movie blog. While we tried as hard as we could, watching two Bo Derek films in a week felt awful, so in order to even things up, we're bringing a real actress, a real movie, a real plot (based upon a fantastic novel I might add) 

Talented actresses have already been a part of this blog for years, we're not all about b movies only. There's been a big chunk of great films with fantastic performances that would make every woman in the world proud. Yes! We're feminists despite what you may think! So, if Bo Derek completely destroyed the idea of talented women being hired just because of their skills rather than their looks, well, think again! today we're proud to bring the one and only Kathy Bates! 

Kathy Bates became a massive star after she starred 1990's Stephen King's Misery. However, we're not reviewing that film first simply because she did a larger than life portrayal of a mother who never quits in 1995's Dolores Claiborne. Although Dolores Claiborne is another movie based upon Stephen King's wonderful writing, this movie has something no other horror movie can have: real life horror, and by that I mean sexism towards woman, misogyny, male chauvinism and all the dookie that comes attached to the previous terms: mental & physical mistreatment, discrimination, hate speech & rape. 

Mother & daughter separated by blocked memories of an incomplete past.

Red neck motherfucker.

Being a long time Stephen King fan I can tell you, he wrote a masterpiece here, because the greatest horror stories are sometimes the ones that display the true disgusting nature of mankind instead of seeing monsters & demons we're seeing dysfunctional families being torn apart by everyday monstrosities.   

Selena St George (Jennifer Jason Leigh in a fantastic performance) returns to her Maine island home to be reunited with her estranged mother Dolores (Bathes). Dolores has been charged with the murder of her long time wealthy employer Vera Donovan (another great performance by Judy Parfitt) , and all the evidence points to her guilt. Detective John Mackey (Christopher Plummer) leads the investigation, however his view is tainted as he failed to convict Dolores for the murder of her husband Joe St. George (a disgustingly good role by David Strathairn) , almost 20 years ago - his only unclosed case. As the present murder is investigated the truth about the past is slowly revealed.

How many Hollywood films give good roles to women. Not many - certainly not older women. This stands out because it has three good roles for women and a very strong supporting cast. The story is compelling, the present murder is slowly revealed, while the back story between Dolores, Selena, Joe and Vera is slowly spun out in memories. The various strands are all gripping - the level of detail and back story is excellent. The way the past is weaved into the present is well handled and you never feel like there's too much going on - each strand compliments the others.

Selena, it's time you hear the truth about that eclipse night.

Coward men beat women. They should be murdered with no remorse.

The flashbacks are well filmed - each memory is painted bright with sunshine and gaudy colors. Like Selena's memory, it all seems better in hindsight. The present is filmed in pale greys, not even flesh colors come across - everyone looks ashen and grey. The director also deserves praise with the way he blends the present scenes into the past - the camera moves slightly revealing past action. At the end, every story is revealed and it's very satisfying.

As I said, the cast are excellent. If Bates got an Oscar for Misery then she more than deserved one here. She is superb in older and younger roles. She has some annoying habits, mainly the phrases she uses - but she brings out so much hurt, so many layers and so much resentment really well. Jason-Leigh is as good as always and is suitably disturbed - she is very well matched by her younger version, Ellen Muth, who matched Leigh's manner and speech well. Parfitt is an excellent Vera, she has a smaller role but deals with the changes very well. The support cast are all excellent - three stand out. Strathairn is excellent as the abusive Joe, Plummer is great as the cop, who turns out to have as many unresolved issues as Selena. The cast is rounded off by John C Reilly, who is always great.

This woman has been to hell and back.

Shit happens Dolores.

Dolores Claiborne is a masterpiece, a film teachers should show their students, a film every mother in this world should show her kids to understand the struggle, to see that the worst enemy is always next door, it could be your parents, your relatives, a close friend, an abusive boss, religious freaks, and even your husband! 

The world knows Stephen King is a master of horror writing, and whenever his name comes up, people would usually think about the books featuring monsters, demons, ghosts and all sorts of paranormal entities but, believe you me, there isn't any horror creature that can come close to what Dolores Claiborne has to face: real life horror, a dysfunctional family, a red neck macho town and even a distrusting daughter! I know there are plenty of films out there depicting the same sad issues but this one takes it to the next level. The combination of well placed elements at the right time make each scene a chilling experience that will truly give you the creeps. Although the violence scenes are graphic, they're presented in a very artistic manner, accompanied by the excellent soundtrack written in its entirety by a 90's legend, Mr. Danny Elfman. 

The eclipse night, a clever metaphor.

Go Dolores Go!

Abuse towards women is a real threat, and it's happening everyday around the world, if you're being abused please ask for immediate help! and if you know someone is being abused, please, please help them, don't be a silent witness of domestic violence, we can all change the world and I plan to do my part, by respecting and loving my wife, sister, aunt and other female relatives and friends I care so much about. There are women suffering manly abuse out there, let's open our eyes and help as soon as possible. There are many foundations and local groups working together to give women a peaceful life full of opportunities, Google your city and do your part.

Overall, Dolores Claiborne is an absolute triumph, a movie that has it all, and moreover, a very scary film that reveals the true nature of some men who think just because they're men, they can do as they please. Kathy Bates acting is so breathtaking that I'm sure you will see the reflection of many women you care about in every scene she's in. Go watch it now if you haven't!

Here's the movie trailer:

Bolero

Yeah Bo Derek in the nude!

Alright, we mildly heated things up at SPAM Alternative with our previous entry but today's entry will set thermometers sky high! If 10 launched Bo Derek's career as a big screen bombshell, 1984's Bolero certified her as a true blonde princess of sexploitation. Originally, Bolero was intended to be a rated X film, meaning there would be plenty of T & A but producers, Bo Derek and the film maker (John Derek, Bo Derek's husband) decided there was enough sex in the film so they released it unrated to avoid filming alternate scenes and to attract the growing male fandom Derek built since 10. 

Bolero follows the story of two friends who recently finished high school (private education, they're rich as hell) and set up their minds to travel the world while attempting to fulfill Linda McGillivery's (Derek's character) goal: to lose virginity over a very sexy man. Can you believe it? why in the world would she need to travel the world to find someone to fuck her good? with her steaming curves I doubt she would have made it out of high school a virgin. Anyways, Catalina (Ana Obregon) is more than willing to help her friend and they together go visit a young and wealthy sheik that could lend Linda more than a lending hand on the matter.  The sheik is more than willing but his pot smoking habits end up making him fall asleep while Linda is all wet and covered in milk & honey. Therefore, they decide to travel to Spain to find a macho torero that can fuck the shit out of her pussy.

Once they arrive in Spain, they find the perfect match and while this torero is already dating someone, he's more than willing to help.  

Finally free from high school!

If she wants a good fuck, I'll help her travel the world to find the perfect match.

Bolero like many other films, relied on rumors as publicity stunts. For instance, at that time, it was said the final sex scene wasn't simulated (you can actually see the torero's balls under Derek's bouncing ass) Also, Olivia D'abo, fourteen years old at that time, had several full frontal nudity scenes. Try doing that with today's filming standards. John Derek was so satisfied with his movie, he decided not to have early screenings of the film. Unfortunately, the movie didn't do nowhere near as expected. People bashed it, and movie goers asked for their money after leaving the theaters while the film was an hour away from being over. Bolero was nominated for several Golden Raspberry AKA Razzie awards in 1984. Such awards are the opposite of being chosen for good work, so there's nothing honorable about been nominated. 

Despite the terrible ratings, John Derek would still find deals to make more movies with her wife. Nevertheless, Bolero was his last film made with a Hollywood sized budget.  If 10 was criticized for not featuring enough T & A, Bolero clearly had that fixed, but the lacking of a good story telling, a decent plot and well, good acting made it fail despite all the tits, pussies & asses on screen. 

The sheik is a stoner.

Don't worry Linda, we'll find you a hard cock.

To be fair, Bolero plays like any other softcore/sexploitation flick would do, an onion thin plot to justify all the nude scenes. The problem is, sexploitation films aren't necessary smart. When you try a smart, artsy perspective for an erotic movie where it's audience it's mostly males looking for an excuse to either masturbate or convince their girlfriends that casual fucking is really good, you simply don't know your audience. Bo Derek may be super beautiful but she can't act. To make matters worse, trying to convince the audience she's portraying a virgin it's completely impossible. How many times have you seen a virgin traveling the world for a good fuck with wealthy men?  Well, maybe you have, but there are way better sexploitation films out there. Oh, wait! I get it! Bo Derek's are a special kind of erotic genre where there's morals and taste for the sex scenes!  

In the early 80's porn wasn't a free online 24/7 service a click away from your filthy hands. Video rental stores where huge, and no under aged young man would dare renting a porno or erotic film because everyone would find out about your dirty habits. I'm pretty sure Bolero belongs in that category, and sadly in that bygone era.  The whole vibe the movie delivers is "this is the erotic film your girlfriend would watch because there's a smart plot, and friendship, and romance" Maybe in the 80's innocent girlfriends would buy the idea of an erotic movie made for those who are not perverted minds but young dreamy newbies searching for marriage and a functional family through a one night stand anal sex adventure with a money shot ending. 

Hey Linda, I hear you wanna get defiled.

How you like that rich bitch?

Erotic films are really hard to made in this day and age. What separates them from pornography? what makes them appealing to wider audiences? why would you want an erotic film as foreplay instead of a straight porno flick? Very difficult questions, the answers are obviously varied and there are no right or wrong answers. Everything depends on the eye of the beholder. Some say, erotic films are made for women because they feature a romance story and all the sex scenes are beautifully orchestrated, while a softcore flick or straight porno is clearly designed for male audiences because we're easy on the eye, and T & A will keep us interested for 90 minutes even if the film is as bad as a Michael Bay Transformers film. 

Wrong! women watch softcore & porn films too! and they do it more often than you think. The world is constantly changing for the better or worse, and today standards do not apply to films from past decades. Bolero is clearly a product of its time.  In the 70's sexploitation and porn films were sleazy and didn't care for the beauty of the love scenes. In the 80's they tried stating erotic movies could be art pieces and/or smart films only people with a mind ahead of their time would understand. The same happened with the legendary porn film Deep Throat which opened doors for "smarter" porn films.

Gratuitous nudity.

Oh my god! that cock is gigantic!

If you happen to be a newcomer in the sexploitation genre, Bo Derek will clearly find her way in your constant search for the most important actresses of the genre, and maybe Bolero is the best film out of the few she did while she was still considered the latest Hollywood bombshell. However, most of the sexploitation starlets share  the same fate Bo Derek had: a short lived career. 

A few paragraphs above I mentioned this movie had romance, and it is true in a certain way. Derek's character behaves mostly like the woman of every man's fantasy: a Sex craving woman. Now, for the most part every female character follows the same thread during the movie. Every girl gets shagged with the only exception being Paloma (Olivia D'abo) which for obvious reasons (she was 15 years old during the filming) who only dreams about belonging to a man.  What kills this film is what essentially killed 10 too: a main character who spends 90% of the film with a careless free spirit personality that opposes entirely the grand finale where she marries the man she barely knows. A couple of good fucks won't take you to the altar I'm pretty sure of that but what the hell, the film plot is a joke. As soon as the film begins she gets naked just because, so why won't she fuck the men she already knows through her private school? Nah! she's rich and eccentric, so she needs to travel abroad to find a good piece of dick. Millionaire dick I might add. She won't shag a hobo! only sheiks and rich bullfighters who own the most expensive horses and vineyards. 

Look at me!

I need your jizz.

The stereotype of a rich eccentric girl has been exploited hundred of times in cinema before, and still is. The sexploitation films are just like a superhero flick, they end up being derivative, cliched and boring. Even for the most enthusiast sexploitation fan enough is enough sometimes. 

All in all, Bo Derek films are nothing but a good publicity stunt, there really isn't anything interesting and worth your time. The fact that she can be nude during her films isn't that surprising either. Without good writing a character is doomed, no matter how hot she looks, we still need a minimum substance to grab onto in order to fully enjoy a movie that I'm sure was intended to be entertaining but got lost in the middle for several reasons.

Extasy!

Steamy pussy!

What about the hyped sex scene at the ending? is it true it was real sex? Man! a connoisseur knows better! of course this wasn't real sex! the brief scene where Derek's ass bounces over the bullfighter balls is a very old trick in sexploitation films. 

Verdict? Bolero is one of the worst films I've ever watched, and believe you me, I've seen a lot of awful films that are way better than this one.  If you wanna know who she was, Bolero is the least boring crap out of the big pile of dookie films she starred.

Finally, Bo Derek is only a beautiful body. Her acting is terrible, she can't even pretend to be horny during the sex scenes, instead of cumming she looks like she's either laughing or in pain. Also her moves during the sex scenes are so fucking fake! man! even a real life virgin can tell that's not the way you fuck! If you want a real life lesson, here's a good one: the looks may take you to some places, but in the end skills will get you through the rest of your life, and obviously Derek didn't get that far.

Here's the movie trailer:

 

10

Exploitation with Bo Derek.

OK, I know I've said this before but, from now on, no more superhero films, I promise. The hype has served us well enough so we can finally move on to what made our blog what it is today: Exploitation films! So far, we've been into a huge selection from the most relevant to the most obscure cult exploitation flicks you can think of. Today we enter the career of a promising early 80's bombshell, whose legacy lives on in the very few films she performed as the leading beauty actress. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in many years, Bo Derek enters our cult films selection!

10 is a 1979 adult comedy film directed by Blake Edwards and starred by Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews & Bo Derek and follows the story of George Webber (Moore) a famous composer piano player who's facing a midlife crisis torn between his growing love for Samantha Taylor (Andrews), his long time actress girlfriend, and the illusion of a mysterious perfect woman that goes by the name of Jenny Hanley (Derek) Although nostalgia, and weak memory can play tricks on everyone, 10, is not as erotic as you may think, and that's ironic because Derek's sex symbol status is attributed to this film. Nevertheless, her later movies would make it up to sexploitation fans and her blonde sex bombshell status would live up to tell the tale today in 2016, 37 years after her golden debut. 

Torn between old and new.

Well, let's pick new.

But, who is Bo Derek? Bo Derek (born Mary Cathleen Collins; November 20, 1956) is an American film and television actress, movie producer, and model perhaps best known for her breakthrough role in the 1979 film 10. The film also launched a bestselling poster for Derek in a swimsuit, and subsequently she became one of the most popular sex symbols in the 1980s. She was directed by husband John Derek in Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981), Bolero (1984) and Ghosts Can't Do It (1989), none of which were critically well-received. However, they feature plenty of Derek's anatomy, so watching them despite the critics is still pleasant on the eye. Further reviews of her infamous filmography will be soon added to our blog. 

10 is a fantastic example of what exploitative marketing can do to a mediocre film that hasn't aged very well. Although posters, ads and trailers suggest this film has Bo Derek all over, that is far from the truth. Her role is barely that of supporting cast and she's not in the nude enough time. Actually, she's briefly nude in a couple of very quick scenes (one being with the lights out) She doesn't get much dialog either. Webber (the main character) spends his days facing a boring midlife crisis and deciding whether is worth to be in a relationship that is more intellectual than physical. In the meantime, his neighbor surely knows how to throw a party, as he's constantly surrounded by beautiful naked women willing to have sex at any time. Webber, prefers to sit back and drink while watching the spectacle through his telescope. 

A victim of the blue balls disease.

Holy shit! They're going bukake!

The haunting image of the mysterious young bride (Derek) haunts him long enough as to find her whereabouts via her father (who happens to be Webber's dentist) Soon enough, he's miserable & drunk enough to fly to the Virgin Islands in order to find the girl of his wet dreams.  The problem is, she's married to Flash Gordon!!! (well, to Sam J. Jones) So, will the girl choose an old miserable musician over a young muscular stallion? 

The problem 10 has, is that there are many movies dealing with the same "old man's midlife crisis, old man's find young fuckable girl, old man's cum all over her body" and with a modest budget have accomplished outstanding results while being very straight to the point in filming terms. 10 seems to try too hard to move itself a step above the sexploitation films from the 70's. Trying to make a clever sexploitation film can be a very bad idea. In other words, 10 is about a man who is horny as hell, and wants badly to fuck younger more attractive women without the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship burdens because his girlfriend doesn't seem to be too interested in a good old fuck. The story of a smart successful wealthy musician living in a world of sophisticated boredom makes no sense. I mean, if he's wealthy enough, he should be throwing sex parties like his neighbor every weekend! 

Your neighbor knows better.

Yes, he does.

So, if Mr. Webber is so desperate to get a good fuck, he simply needs to go to his neighbor, knock the door and say the magic words "I'm famous & wealthy and need a good fuck" and problem solved! Of course, that would mark the end of the movie and Bo Derek wouldn't get much attention, wouldn't she? 

So, as the onion thin plot develops, our blue balls musician manages to get a room in the same hotel our newly wed sex bombshell is spending her honey moon weekend. However, Webber is an idiot, a multi millionaire loser who prefers to get wasted drinking every night while peeping tom his prey. Later, his blue balls disease becomes so painful he actually sees an opportunity to  talk to his blonde dream girl. Flash Gordon (her boyfriend) falls asleep on his surfboard while floating away deeper and deeper into the sea, so our resourceful hero, rents a boat and saves the boy! Reason enough to make Jenny (Derek) thank him for saving his adrift husband.  

C'mon Webber, let us take care of that cock for you.

So, do you girls spit or swallow?

Later that night, Webber pays a little visit to Jenny's (Room 420!) and is offered the chance of a lifetime: Dinner, marijuana and sex! His dreams are about to happen as Jenny reveals herself to be a very open minded person who enjoys fucking different men because it's good enough for her!  and nothing could make her hornier than fucking while listening to Ravel's Bolero which  remains one of the most expensive songs to use for film and TV to date; the rights cost more than $25,000. According to SACEM, the French equivalent of ASCAP, Ravel's estate earns more royalties than any other French composer! 

Finally, when things are actually looking bright for Webber, he turns off a good fuck because he thinks Jenny wants a serious relationship with him instead of a one night stand. While she reveals, she's interested only in casual sex, he turns her down and decides to leave! Man! you fucking read that right! the point he was trying to make during the whole movie gets completely wasted by the man himself! Jesus fucking Christ! Jenny was all nude and wet, ready to get a big load of jizzy love and everything goes to waste because our lead character is only interested if she commits herself to a serious relationship! what a bummer! what a let down! what a major disappointment!  

I'm hungry for cum, do you have some for me?

All I want is a good casual fuck.

Overall, 10 is a film that didn't live up to the myth. Derivative, boring, pretentious and with a plot that is completely screwed up by the end of the movie where our lead character undoes everything he was looking for during the whole movie. This movie isn't sexy either, there are too few sex scenes and nudity isn't enough too. Bo Derek's debut is deserving of a big meh! she neither has enough lines to say, nor she is as nude as publicity stunts lead you to think. If you want to see her in the nude and in hotter scenes, watch her later films. 10 is like a PG rated sexploitation film you could easily watch in a sunday afternoon with your grandparents and nephews and no one would be shocked. Unfortunately, 10 is now nothing but a dated forgettable film, and considering this the biggest Bo Derek's film, it can only mean that she is also dated and going straight to the annals of oblivion sooner than later.

10 in one word? Over rated (well, that's two words)  Expect reviews of her later films simply because they were hotter and featured a lot more sex & gratuitous nudity.

Here's the movie trailer: