Batman & Robin

the death of the franchise.

When everyone heard about Bane being in Batman Forever's sequel, we all lost our minds thinking the film would be about the great "Knightfall" comic saga,  but nope, Joel Schumacher has a way reminding us how bad his movies can get. Don't get me wrong, the old Adam West Batman TV show was certainly funny, and given the times, a more accurate representation of what Batman was trying to be wouldn't have succeeded nearly as well. But the show still betrayed all the emotion and grimness of Batman's themes.

In Batman & Robin, Schumacher seems to be getting back to those roots. He treats the entire Batman franchise like a joke. Even if it was funny, this would be betraying the name of Batman. But here, seeing as it's NOT funny, it only succeeds in becoming the worst of the Batman movies, and, arguably, the worst films ever created.

Thank God Christopher Nolan will restore Bane's reputation.

Mr Freeze & Poison Ivy.

George Clooney just plays George Clooney. Which is the road he usually takes, but this suave, dashing, and charming Batman seems more like Mystery Men's Captain Amazing than the crimefighter of legend.

There's Chris O'Donnell, the angst-ridden Robin trying to break out of Batman's shadow. The only thing he ever really does is act like a child.

Alicia Silverstone. Wow. I seriously wonder what makes someone say, "Hmm, who should we get to play Batgirl . . . I know! Alicia Silverstone!" No offense to Alicia, but she's out in right field on this one. Her tough-girl performance is sprinkled with reminders of her Clueless days. But all that aside, she actually does very little.

The dynamic duo like you (never) wanted to see them before.

Batgirl. Really?

Now, onto the villains. Uma Thurman, who we know CAN act, is hamming it up to ridiculous proportions. First, when she's playing the nerdy Dr. Pamela, she exaggerates that to a level I thought impossible. And then she inexplicably turns into an extremely sexualized villainess whose plan, by the way, would kill all the plants she advocated protecting.

Arnold seems like the worst possible choice for Mr. Freeze. I mean, of all the Batman villains I could see him playing - Bane, for christ's sake - Mr. Freeze is not on that list. He possesses none of the emotionless, calculated, and cold (no pun intended) sociopathy which makes Mr. Freeze such a good character.


In case you're about to puke because of this awful movie, I give a refreshing bonus of sexy cosplayers portraying what we would like to see in a future Batman release. Enter sexy bombshell Poison Ivy, and Batgirl dressed up in a very interesting armour.

How about this nude Poison Ivy?

Nice twat Poison Ivy!

Batgirl ready for some shagging.

And then, all that aside, they're handed ridiculous catch phrases and cliches they're expected to say with any level of sincerity? At one point Mr. Freeze says "chill out." Of all the ways it sounds, menacing is not among them.

Seriously, I'd have more respect for Schumacher if I discovered that he hated Batman, and had intentionally ruined it with this garbage. Then, this might actually be just his own personal joke. Instead, it borders on a travesty of good cinema. I only wish that 0 stars was a selectable option at the imdb, for this film ALONE. 


Now, to be fair with the film production there is actually one good thing about Batman & Robin: Special effects & action sequences. The scenes that feature special effects look quite convincing and don't look dated at all. The action  coreographies are also very well done. Unfortunately, Batman & Robin isn't a videogame, so that's not enough to say that Joel Schumacher did a fair job with Batsy. Besides, why did Schumacher add nipples to the batsuit & robin suit? why didn't he add nipples to batgirl's suit? or even better why didn't he add a red hair bush to Poison Ivy?

Here's the movie trailer: