Flash Gordon

Yeah!

In 1980, science fiction was undergoing a revival of sorts. Some would argue that it is unfortunate that the science fiction appearing on the big screens of the time were more action-oriented than dramatic in nature. Flash Gordon came at a time when audiences were being trained to expect more and more from their films, with budgets skyrocketing and effects becoming progressively more important than the story. It is therefore somewhat disheartening to see reviewers focusing on how camp or low-fi they perceive it to be. Camp, low-budget, low-fi it is, but it has something that Episode 2 of Star Wars in particular didn't. Namely, it has the ingredients of a rollicking good time. From the awesome soundtrack by Queen to the near-ridiculous action sequences, Flash Gordon is almost the last hurrah in an era where filmmakers were expected to spend at least as much time on script and dialogue as they do eye candy. What makes it all the more interesting is that beyond the basic setup, there almost is no story to speak of.

Beginning with a POV shot from some distant planet, we see how the world we take for granted is suddenly subjected to all sorts of destructive weather patterns by its Emperor. Emperor Ming has decided to shift the orbit of the moon in order to make it collide with Earth, leaving a handful of days before all life on the planet is destroyed. Not one to take this kind of thing lying down, a scientist by the name of Hans Zarkov is busily building a rocket so that he might go to the source of the attacks and reason with them. Coincidentally, a plane carrying football star Flash Gordon and some girl called Dale Arden crash into Zarkov's lab. Tricking them into boarding his rocket, Zarkov takes them on a brief trip to a world so barren one wonders where they find the liquid to sustain themselves. Taken captive and escorted to the Emperor, our heroes bear witness to a society in which Lords of several moons pay tribute to said Emperor. With their lives, if need be. The real fun begins when Ming takes an interest in Dale.

a Football star can't go wrong!

I prefer to play cricket Mr. Gordon.

Interest is putting it mildly. In a classic script oversight, Ming decides within a moment of first seeing her that he wants Dale to do with as he will. Flash is naturally not one to take such things lying down, so he begins attacking Ming's guards with a series of offensive football-style strikes. This gets the attention of several Lords who have been awaiting the right moment to overthrow Ming, but the fight is lost before it has begun, for obvious reasons. Overpowered, Flash is sentenced to execution, and thus the first of many bondage-like outfits is seen. I am not one to cry out "gay" when I see two men express a powerful bond, but several people I have watched the film with now agree that Flash Gordon has one of the biggest gay, or S&M, themes going in 1980s film. Not that this is particularly important, but the amount of leather underwear and tights on display would have made the Village People blush. Of course, this is all just one adult subtext that will go right over the head of the children in the audience.

One commendable feature of Flash Gordon is the death scenes. Aiming a film at children and dispatching characters in a violent fashion is always a tricky business. This adaptation gets around the issue by showing the alien creatures melting after they are killed. The manner in which this is filmed would probably get Flash Gordon a more restrictive rating if it were released for the first time today. It reminds me in part of a description in Repo Man. Eyes, skin, even bones melt in a manner that tells us how alien the villains are in a way that all the prosthetics in the world cannot. Roger Ebert was right on the money when he wrote that Flash Gordon "is cheerfully willing to look as phony as it is". That he didn't mean it as a criticism shows that he got what the film was about. During action sequences, it assaults the senses and almost bullies the viewer into forgetting that what they are seeing is anything but real. During extended moments of dialogue, it flat out orders you to not take it seriously.

Let's play a game!

Ok, Ok! I get it! you're good!

Making it all the funnier is that producer Dino De Laurentiis, that famed bankrupt-wannabe, thought the whole story was serious. As director Mike Hodges phrased it, anyone who watches the film will find that factoid "rather curious". Sam Jones is absolutely terrible as the titular hero, and yet it works because a certain idiocy is what the character requires. Really, the whole thing reeks of being rushed into production, and then rushed to theatre screens, which probably sealed its financial doom. Hodges apparently had to work with a crew whose language he did not speak, with a script that wasn't finished, and no storyboards to boot. Having seen the finished product on DVD after all these years, I have to confess that my respect for Hodges has gone right through the roof in light of this. Forget Flash - Hodges is the one who can rightfully claim to be king of the impossible. Anyway, when all is said and done, Flash Gordon is representative of the direction cinema might well have been better off taking.

For these reasons and more, I say Flash Gordon deserves seven stars out of ten. Excitement and adventure always beat a big budget, as this, and many other films have proven through the years.

Flash Gordon V/S James Bond!

Zword & Magic.

Now, you know the guys at SPAM Alternative are always working their asses out to get you the best information from the WWW in what comes to cult items such as this 1980 gem. After a deep search of 20 minutes around some of the most respected movie sites from the world we can give 21 facts you probably didn't know about Flash Gordon.

1. Hidden movies spam?

There is a rumor that the monitor behind Hans Zarkov (Topol) as he is having his memory dumped shows scenes from Topol's previous movies. I know this is a very hard to tell item but some connoisseurs have stated this to be truth so next time you watch the movie press the pause button at the right moment and tell me if this is true.

2. Federico Fellini? no way!

Dino De Laurentiis originally hoped that Federico Fellini would direct this film. The director had actually contributed to the original Flash strip cartoon during WWII but nothing happened. Can you picture in your minds a Fellini cut of the movie? probably it would have been a more serious driven film with greater production and acting, so thank god it didn't happen, we love Flash Gordon for its failed film making attempt not for perfection.

3. Snake Plissken as the lead role?

Kurt Russell auditioned to play Flash Gordon. According to an interview with Russell in Starlog magazine from August 1981, Dino De Laurentiis really wanted Russell for the part, but he ultimately turned it down because Russell thought the character was lacking in personality and I have to agree with Russell, he's too bad ass to deliver a white cracker character.

4. Random casting!

Sam J. Jones was cast in the role after being spotted by the mother-in-law of Dino De Laurentiis on an episode of The Dating Game, which makes me wonder, what if this lady found Sam J. Jones fucking in a pool behind her patio. Would that have granted him a role in a porn movie? Geez!

5. Racist inspiration behind Ming's motto?

At one point Ming the Merciless says when he destroys a planet, he calls upon "the great god Daizan". Daizan is Japanese for "great cruelty". Remember there was a time in which japanese were the enemy of the USA and such hatred was seen in comic books, tv shows and movies all over. I have some Superman cartoons in my mind where he fights the japs for the american way.

6. Ming you are a weak old man!

Max von Sydow's Ming costume weighed over 70 pounds and he could only stand in it for a few minutes at a time. 

7. Psychedelic colors!

The psychedelic color effects throughout the Ming universe were accomplished by swirling multicolored dyes through creatively-lit tanks of water. You can see this technique in several SCi-FI films from the late 70's and early 80's, Superman being probably one of the most popular examples.

I know a place where you could gimme some frame y'know.

Alien queen.

8. Metaphysical Messiah? 

Nicolas Roeg was originally going to direct, but didn't due to creative difference. One of his proposals was to excise the trademark cliffhangers and melodrama, seeing Flash as more of "a metaphysical messiah."  

9. Improvised wasted money!

Director Mike Hodges, referring to the numerous production problems that plagued the film, once called it "the only improvised $27-million movie ever made". 

10.  Masons are Satan!

The insignia on Klytus's uniform is based on Masonic symbols. Also,  Ming's symbol (which Klytus also wears on his gauntlets) is borrowed from the Freemason's square and compass. Ming also makes a Masonic gesture during the course of the movie. is this Satan then? hahahaha

11. Fellini the film maker & cat!?

Princess Aura's "pet" is named Fellini. Production Designer Danilo Donati worked on a number of Federico Fellini films. I wonder what would the real Federico Fellini think about a useless pet being named after him.

12. Star Wars Gordon?

George Lucas had hoped to remake the original Flash Gordon, but when he learned that Dino De Laurentiis had already bought the rights, he wrote Star Wars instead. Thank god! 

13. Why did this not happen?

Mike Hodges considered commissioning Pink Floyd to compose the music. 

13. T-Shirt hunt for the unkwown groupie.

The backstory of Flash's T-shirt was that it was a gift from an anonymous female fan. Flash wore it a lot in the hopes that he would eventually meet the woman. 

14. Ming, the merciless.

In the original script, when Flash is sentenced to death by Ming, Dale bursts out that Ming is "absolutely merciless". Ming is enthralled with the description, and immediately starts calling himself "Ming the Merciless". 

15. Erotic picnic where did you go??!!

According to the original storyline, when Dale is entranced by Ming's hypnotic ring, she is having a vision of being on an erotic picnic with Ming in a 1920's setting. This would have been a great scene! I mean, nude girls, orgies, who dislikes this stuff?

16. Canuck resort where did you go? 

In the original script, Flash and Dale first meet at a Canadian resort called Dark Harbor. Although they flirt with each other, they don't become acquainted until they're sharing the ill-fated plane ride to New York City. Dale later talks briefly about Dark Harbor during her tear-filled meeting with Flash before his execution. Another great oportunity for sex wasted by the producers I guess.

Holy tits Flash Gordon!

Holy ass Flash  Gordon!

17. NASA Scientist gone mad.

Dr. Zarkov's backstory was that he was a NASA scientist who was fired for his paranoid fantasies that Earth was going to be attacked from outer space. Sixty Minutes derided him as "A Poor Man's Billy Mitchell". 

18. Governator didn't make it!

Arnold Schwarzenegger was turned down for the lead role because of his impenetrable Austrian accent. 

19. Queen's soundtracking debut

This was the first movie that the rock band Queen made the music for, in it Prince Vultan says "Who wants to live forever?". The only other movie Queen did the soundtrack for was Highlander, for the movie they wrote songs including their classic "Who Wants to Live Forever" plus many others. 

20. New York Jets

If you pay close attention to the scene when Flash's luggage is being loaded onto the airplane at the beginning of the film, you'll see that one of the duffel bags is green and white and has the word "JETS" written on it. This is meant to indicate that Flash Gordon plays for the New York Jets football team. The team's colors are white and green and their logo is a flying rocket. 

21. Flash Gordon cartoon

The movie came about when producer Lou Scheimer, seeking additional funding for his animated NBC movie of the week Flash Gordon: The Greatest Adventure of All, turned to Dino De Laurentiis, who agreed to help out if Scheimer could finagle the rights for him to make a theatrical film. Impressed with Scheimer's results and the prospect of cashing in on the theatrical version, NBC shelved the animated movie for a handful of years, had Scheimer's company recut it and turn it into the Saturday morning series Flash Gordon. 

Overall, a great movie for those who do know that special effects and even acting sometimes are not what makes a good movie a good movie so if you are into SCI-FI you probably know this better than I do, and in the weird case you have no idea who Flash Gordon is, this might be a great chance to watch his film.

Shaolin Soccer (Siu lam juk kau)

Soccer superstars!

Shaolin is a renowned martial arts temple in China, as well as a philosophy of body and mind. Think combining it with soccer is an oxymoron? Not here. Not by a long shot.

Fung a.k.a. Golden Leg (Ng Man Tat) was a champion player once. Then he missed a penalty kick in a big game. In the ensuing riot, the crowd broke his leg and his career was over.

Fast forward twenty years. Fung is now a lowly equipment manager for Hung, who is coach of Team Evil. Fung's life is going nowhere. That is, until he meets Sing (Stephen Chow), a guy who can't even scrape together 60¢ to buy a couple of sweet steamy buns. But he has the physical prowess of a dragon and a heart pure as jade. He is known as Mighty Steel Leg.

Sing befriends Mui (Vicki Zhao), who works at the bakery. Despite the severe skin damage on her face, he tells her she's beautiful. With her hands and the filmmaker's eyes, even the everyday task of making sweet steamy buns becomes a work of art. There is a joke scene that follows after Sing "sings" to Mui about how wonderfuly talented she is, but it was cut by Miramax in the western version. Now that I've finally got my hands with a copy of the original Chinese uncut edition of the movie  I can tell you we're not missing much since it is just a dancing scene that does not add anything significant to the plot so Miramax's decision was correct (unless you are fully capable of understanding Chinese jokes, you won't miss it, trust me!)

Sing & Fung are about to make the deal of their lives!

They make look & live like losers but they're shaolin masters.

Then Fung, along with Sing and his older brother, Iron Head (Wong Kai Yue), set about the daunting task of cajoling Sing's former classmates into forming a soccer team. The national tournament is coming up soon and first prize is a million dollars.

But the road they must travel first is as long as it is rocky. Like an ancient Chinese proverb says, it is not wise to cross a chasm in two leaps. Following some dismal practice sessions, Fung arranges a match against a group of local thugs. After being decimated by them early on, both physically and in the score, Fung's guys apply discipline, use shaolin and learn to work as a team. When the game is over, their opponents are so impressed, they agree to join them.

Then the time for the tournament arrives. Sing's friendship with Mui has deepened, though she had hoped it would be something more. By this time, she has transformed herself both physically and mentally into the beautiful young woman Sing always knew she was.

Hung laughs out loud when Fung's team enters the tournament. But much to his surprise and consternation, the team wins their early matches handily. However, in the semi-final match against the all-female Team Dragon, the time for fun and games has ended and they realize they're facing players who are their equals in both ability and desire. The match is a close one, but Fung's team prevails.

The night before the final match, Sing visits the bakery to give Mui a ticket to it, but discovers she no longer works there, for a very compelling reason. But he hasn't seen the last of his friend, who has slowly learned to respect herself as much as does Sing.

Shaolin brothers, Shaolin masters.

The great Shaolin wall of defense.

The setting for the final game is auspicious-Fung's team is no longer playing before a stadium empty except for the cleaning crew, but for one packed with tens of thousands of fans. The performances of Shi Zi Yun and Cao Hua as Team Evil's center and goalkeeper are noteworthy. The former's shots are as forceful and inventive as Sing's; nothing phases the latter-he doesn't blink, he's totally unconcerned and getting the ball past him is next to impossible.

So, do our heroes surmount the staggering odds and win the tournament? I'm not going to tell you, not only because that's the one rule I have in writing reviews, but because it doesn't matter. This film isn't about winning or losing. It's about the game. And the love of it. And the heart that goes into playing it at this level.

This film has an intenseness to it that can't be overlooked or ignored or forgotten. Kind of like playing Rush CDs over and over with the bass turned up to ten. I honestly lost count of the times I said "Oh my God" at the crispness of the cinematography as well as the special effects. Some may consider them overbearing, gratuitous or even unnecessary-and Sir Isaac Newton might object to the laws of physics being broken-but not me. Call it poetic licence. Or just call it shaolin.

Yes, I'm the bad motherfucker.

Evil!

Is this an action/adventure film or a romantic comedy? It's both. Despite its alternate title, Kung-Fu Soccer, I don't really consider this a kung fu movie; it transcends that genre. Though they number in the hundreds, the digital special effects are not the star of this film. Neither is Chow or Zhao. Shaolin is. And shaolin not only rules, it rocks. Is this film a fantasy? Sure it is, pure and simple. Though sometimes fantasy can not only entertain, but inspire the most awesome of realities.

Was this movie based on the Captain Tsubasa soccer animé? I have no idea but, I'm pretty sure it was inspired by it up to some point.

The only real complaint I have with this film is that I wish it had been longer, e.g., in the interactions between Sing and Mui and in the semi-final tournament game. This film will keep you on the edge of your seat, despite its lacking drugs, nudity, profanity and having minimal violence-no small feat, that. Even though it was shot in China with an all-Chinese cast, this didn't feel like a foreign film. I guess that's due to soccer's universal appeal. Shaolin itself isn't universal, of course. Then again, perhaps it should be.

The original 2001 Chinese VCD edition!

This gem for only $1 canadian dollar!

On a side note I would like to recommend you to visit as many Thrift Stores as you can if you happen to have these wonderful shops in the country you live in. Why? because yesterday I found the original Video CD version of the film in pristine condition! and it costed me merely one dollar! what are you waiting for?

Here's the movie trailer, and sorry for not posting in so long. I've been busy.