...altrimenti ci arrabbiamo!

My favorite film poster.

Hello fellow readers from across the globe, before we continue with the in depth investigation on the Pubic Wars greatest films We'll take a healthy break with a personal favorite from our personal favorite comedy couple of all times. You know, sometimes people tend to think this blog is about porn and sex only and that isn't fair, we review movies of all sorts! so let's enjoy this Italian masterpiece for today!

...altrimenti ci arrabbiamo! (AKA, Watch Out, We're Mad, Juntos Son Dinamita, Y si no, Nos Enfadamos) is a 1974 Italian action comedy starring the golden Italian comedy duo of Terence Hill and Bud Spencer and directed by Marcello Fondato. The film was a collaboration between Italy and Spain as you can easily spot the city of Madrid and plenty of billboards written in the Spanish language. Some portions of the film were shot in Rome (mostly interior scenes) Also, this movie along with  i 2 Super Piedi Quasi Piatti is considered Hill & Spencer at their best, according to genre connoisseurs worldwide.  

Get the girl.

Motorized joust.

In this Spaniard-Italian production the golden couple teams up once again as the daredevil and friendly duo Kid and Ben who, by chance,  have to go against some lowlife Godfather wannabe gang. These two charming gentlemen (Hill and Spencer) are nothing but rivals  at the beginning of the story. They participate in a rally race whose prize is a fancy mini car everyone wants. They tie in a car crash race to win a red dune buggy . Later, as they're both winners, they set up an all you can eat hotdog contest to decide who's going to be the rightful owner of the buggy. During such contest , various hoodlums of a local mobster named the Boss (John Sharp) trash the place, and eventually their recently won buggy . After that , the duo decides to pay a little visit to the assholes who wasted their car . Kid and Ben want vendetta and the replacement of their red buggy just the way it was (with a yellow top, they remark) . Meanwhile , Terence Hill falls in love with a circus artist (Patty Shepard) and they are chased by a cold killer (Manuel De Blas) hired by the mobs . Of course, along the way they will combat thieves ,thugs and criminals of all sorts...

Meet Kid and Ben.

Dune Buggy.

The 'big time' duo of Spaghetti Western with signature classics such as ¨They call me Trinity¨, ¨ Trinity is still my name ¨ and sequels as ¨Troublemakers¨ changed the worn out spaghetti western arena  for the  modern era setting , playing the police/action genre and adventures such as ¨All the way boys¨ and today's entry as well . After that , they starred the successful trilogy known as the ¨ Miami police series ¨, which comprised the following films: ¨Crime Busters¨ , ¨Superfuzz¨ and ¨supercops in Miami¨. 

Watch Out! We're Mad! contains what by today's standards would be called silly comedy , the usual slight fights and lots of action including some motorcycle pursuits with an improvised but,  equally entertaining, medieval knights joust tournament , entertaining struggles in a gymnasium and a fun ball in a saloon . Although, some may say there are a few flaws , like the overuse of fight sequences and a poorly developed romance story plus a lack of background info on why the mob is there, it is still a very enjoyable experience which takes a bullet proof formula that grants 97 minutes of pure entertainment.

Hitting bad guys is my specialty.

That's no musician, that's a killer!

The humor is based (as a connoissuer might guess) on the lead couple differences, as Terence Hill is the friendly and brave hero while Bud Spencer is the tough and brute man. In addition, the rest of the cast deliver enjoyable performances including Donald Pleasence , a veteran actor with a long and prestigious career ; furthermore , being a Spanish-Italian production several Spanish actors join the cast. Names such as Luis Barbero as the old garage owner , Emilia Laguna as the musical conductor and Manuel De Blas as the silent murderer add up  to the final result. The cinematography of the film delivers what we call, a timeless master piece rendition. The music score was composed and directed by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis AKA -Oliver Onions- , including catching songs adding up perfectly to the flick's  environment, although it turns repetitive at times, is still very melodic and quite enjoyable.

Overall, a pleasurable experience advisable for connoisseurs, for the ones who want to chill out while watching it and for anyone interested in diggin these Italian treasures that hopefully, will never be forgotten and erased from our memories.

Here's the made for TV trailer (crappy looking but hey! it's vintage!):

and here you have the entire English dubbed flick for your viewing pleasure thanks to the tube:

The Devil In Miss Jones

In color, adults only!

Following our in-depth investigation about classic porn from the 70's, AKA the Pubic Wars it is time to review a friend's  favorite "The Devil in Miss Jones" so Mr. Ruta Flashback this entry is for your reading and viewing pleasure.

After DEEP THROAT's devastating success shook people's perceptions of porn as some sort of ghetto-bound form of entertainment, its director Gerard Damiano in turn twisted those same people's expectations by radically changing course and creating what is still one of the most thought-provoking adult films of all time. Though it has been the inspiration for a Swiss soft-core reworking (Erwin C. Dietrich's DER TEUFEL IN MISS JONAS) and a mostly forgotten gay porn adaptation (THE DEVIL AND MR JONES, duh !), not to mention five "official" sequels and a recent remake (Paul Thomas' glossy THE NEW DEVIL IN MISS JONES with Jenna Jameson and Savanna Samson as the Horned One and Miss Jones respectively), the original has lost none of its power to shock over more than three decades. Of course, much of this is thanks to the truly amazing Georgina Spelvin delivering one of the most awe-inspiring acting and sexual performances the world has ever witnessed. A former chorus line dancer named Michelle "Shelly" Graham (spelling varies according to source), she entered the adult industry at a relatively advanced age – in her late thirties – and went on to prove that experience (she'd been married and a mom before entering a same sex relationship with porno performer Judith Hamilton) can make a real woman far more sexually interesting than any prettier and younger girl could ever hope to be.

the Snake is long, seven miles...

No wonder why they called it "Pubic Wars".

The movie opens on Spelvin as Justine Jones, a lonely spinster pushing forty, wordlessly preparing her suicide by slashing her wrists in the bathtub as Linda November's soothing vocals wail the absolutely haunting "I'm Coming Home" on the soundtrack. As life's blood drains from her slumping body, she's suddenly transported to the office of Mr Abaca (character actor John Clemens who played leading lady Tamie Trevor's husband in Danny Stone's HIGH RISE) without any memories of her prior actions. It turns out she's at some sort of halfway house between Heaven and Hell where it'll be determined where she should go. While she has lived a spotless life of chastity ("I haven't even done that…"), the taking of her own life makes her ineligible for an eternity in Paradise. She's not expected at either place for a few days anyway, so Abaca grants her the opportunity to experience every form of sexual perversion in the netherworld so she'll at least deserve her damnation. 

Georgina Spelvin, that's her name.

No holes barred!

Guided along by the Teacher (THROAT's Dr Young himself, Harry Reems, in a solemn performance as far removed from that zany character as can be imagined), Justine discovers most erotic variations known to man (oral, straight and rectal penetration in groups of two and three of both men and women) and her gleeful responses to each new experience provide most of those scenes' turn-on value. Real life lover Hamilton (also with Spelvin in Gary Graver's excellent 3 A.M.) supplies the Sapphic action with the howling wind adding an eerie touch. The only other female, Sue Flaken (from Lloyd Kaufman's hard to see XXX musical THE NEW COMERS aka SEVEN DELICIOUS WISHES), playfully fights Spelvin for oral dominance over the massive member of Marc Stevens (who made a memorable Jacob Marley in Costello's PASSIONS OF CAROL), the latter returning for the legendary "sandwich" scene with Georgina and Levi Richards of A DIRTY WESTERN notoriety. Rumor has it that both "studs" were so nervous that the actress had to convince them the actual shooting was just a rehearsal, encouraging and talking them through the whole act ! Inevitably, Miss Jones winds up in Hell, a white-chalked dungeon of never ending boredom, the only escape of which is obsessive lunacy as demonstrated by Damiano's cameo turn as Georgina's cell mate trying to focus on an imaginary fly while the woman tries to tempt him with her fleshy wares. 

Two cumloads for the price of one.

"here, lemme clean those pipes"

Deep and downbeat (a reason the film has generated as many detractors as it has followers), DEVIL IN MISS JONES is a rare adult film that once seen can never be truly erased from memory. Plot (liberally "borrowed" from Sartre's HUIS CLOS a/k/a NO EXIT), acting and production were unlike anything experienced by audiences at the time, illustrating Damiano's huge gamble that pretty much generated the whole subsequent "Golden Age" deal, roughly encompassing the remainder of the '70s and the first half of the '80s. Time has not dulled its effect one iota. Spelvin's dramatic intensity still makes you feel Justine's despair at having (wrongheadedly, perhaps ?) lived a life of sin-free purity and her sexual performance scorches anything in its path. Anyone genuinely interested in the history of porn cinema should start his studies right here. The only downside being that this masterpiece will spoil you for life!

Some water to freshen up the beaver.

Boy this girl has cravings.

Here's the unfortunate heavily edited movie trailer I found for the film.Also,  don't forget to drop by later as we will be reviewing two more films from the classic pubic wars era: Behind the Green Door & Deep Throat. Moreover, there will be a review for Captain America II, The Winter Soldier, since we are also very interested in the world of Comic books, and at this point, in the world of the Marvel Universe Movies Phase 2 so, stay tuned my fellow readers!

The Opening Of Misty Beethoven

Pubic War Days.

For a brief moment in the mid '70's, before herpes, AIDS; at the beginning of the disco revolution and the absolute beginnings of the VCR, American society had grown up enough to allow genuine adult entertainment on the mainstream big screen as entertainment and not disguised as a morality play like "Reefer Madness."(shall I review it later?) Unlike its predecessors, "Deep Throat"(coming soon in a review) and "The Devil in Miss Jones," "The Opening of Misty Beethoven" features rich production values and exotic locations. The production values of this film are on par with most Hollywood productions at the time and huge cut above "B" movies of the era.

So, here it is, the Holy Grail of adult cinema, the finest porn film ever made both by critical consensus as from a fan's point of view. Director Radley Metzger of course had a solid background in mainstream movie-making with tasteful titillation along the lines of CAMILLE 2000 and THERESE AND ISABELLE to his credit before taking the plunge into explicit territory with a mere five high class productions. SCORE and THE PUNISHMENT OF ANNE, both of which contain a little bit of hardcore footage, don't really count as they're borderline cases.

Diddle her skittle.

THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN rests proudly in the middle of this fabulous five-some, following THE PRIVATE AFTERNOONS OF PAMELA MANN and NAKED CAME THE STRANGER yet preceding BARBARA BROADCAST and MARASCHINO CHERRY. It has charm, style, wit and grace, qualities not usually associated with pornography. Every aspect of production has been handled with the utmost care, from its sumptuous cinematography (as good as any seen in big studio movies from the same period) to its lively soundtrack by rock group Elephant's Memory. Unlike other well-produced adult fare though, this one also has all the scorching sex to cement its legendary reputation for generations to come. This is the kind of adult film that should sway even the most ardent of naysayers, unless the very thought of explicit eroticism repels them. It was made by and for intelligent people who can also appreciate a good dirty joke.

Let the training begin.

Beauty like no other.

Borrowing its plot from Shaw's PYGMALION, MISTY finds noted sexologist Dr Seymour Love (porn's bad boy Jamie Gillis cast against type and delivering a career performance) cruising the streets of Paris and running into a coarse streetwalker by name of Misty – formerly Dolores – Beethoven, played to perfection by the all too rarely seen Constance Money who made only a handful of flicks. Never one to resist a challenge and fired up because of a wager with fellow jet-setter Geraldine (one time performer Jaqueline Beudant), Seymour invites the girl to come along to his mansion in the States where he will groom her to become the next "Goldenrod Girl" of naughty magazine publishing tycoon Lawrence Lehman (played by Ras Kean, star of Armand Weston's brilliant EXPOSE ME, LOVELY), a title only bestowed on women who're revered the world over for their exceptional beauty, sensuality and lovemaking skills. On a crash course, Misty's put through her sexual paces, gaining insight and technique as she's presented with a number of "difficult" cases for seduction. All the while, she is falling in love with her mentor who doesn't (or pretends not to) notice… It is absolutely impossible to overpraise this film. While other adult movies made since may eclipse it in certain areas, there has yet to be made another one that surpasses it in all aspects. The sheer brilliance of the leads is ably supported by a cast filled to the brim with fan favorites, most of whom deliver equally fine performances vertically as well as horizontally. Terri Hall (the leading lady from Gerard Damiano's STORY OF JOANNA) shines as ballerina Tanya who does a sweltering Sapphic number on beautiful Beudant.

a mouth is better than two hands.

Misty is hard at work.

Gay porn icon Casey Donovan (BOYS IN THE SAND) plays the effeminate gallery owner who finds himself at Misty's mercy and later supplied the buttocks for the Ras Kean rectal excavation portion of a three-way involving Misty and Gloria Leonard, the latter then at the start of what was to become a most distinguished career in the adult field. Mary Stuart (who had played the lead in Shaun Costello's extraordinary THE PASSIONS OF CAROL) and Jenny Baxter (from Costello's TRAVAILS OF JUNE) are stewardesses on a most peculiar airline in a sequence characteristic of the type of off the wall humor Metzger excelled at.

While the sex is explicit and at times shown in the kind of close-ups that makes one feel as if they are a gynecologist, few of the sex scenes follow the pattern of modern pornography where the partners are filmed in close-up and changing positions every three to five minutes. On one hand, little of the sex between the main characters is gratuitous, yet, since this IS a sex film, it can be argued it is ALL gratuitous. The story is clearly a twist on the classic "My Fair Lady" theme. Can a lowly, "civil servant" class sex worker be elevated to the pinnacles of being a sexual legend? The dialog can be very witty at times and the movie doesn't mind stopping the "action" for a few good lines. The acting is above average for the period. The hip, very vogue fashions of the day are a wonderful flashback to another time and may be worth witnessing for their own value.

Not even the Star Wars opening sequence is so epic.

A little more to the left please.

By 1978's "Debbie Does Dallas," the moment was over. Production values had fallen along with the caliber of the story lines and quality of the actors ability to act. Theater owners were under political pressure about showing such explicit movies. Mainstream Hollywood never took the bait to make their own adult productions, marginalizing the industry. And most importantly, there was a new technology entering the homes of Americans that would allow people to view such explicit content in the privacy of their homes, the VCR (first introduced to consumers as the Sony Betamax in 1975).  

Here's the recently updated movie trailer made to promote the DVD/Blu Ray release of this true classic of porn when porn was classy:

Debbie Does Dallas

the word Score gets a whole new meaning

Returning to the dirtiest roots of this B movies blog today we enter a new section that I'd like to call "Classic Porn" although, some call the 70's porn as the "Golden era of porn" I will settle for classic as I'll depict only 4 or 5 films  that are considered to date to be true classics from the genre. 

Debbie Does Dallas was a 1978 pornographic film that, along with its predecessor Deep Throat (we will talk deeply about it in forthcoming reviews), helped jumpstart the pornographic industry and introduced us to the concept of "pornographic chic" and the above mentioned "Golden Age of Pornography." Had it no been for this particular film, along with others, who knows what the porn industry would've stooped to. To paraphrase Ron Jeremy in his documentary Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, the quality of pornographic films during the "Golden Age" matched the quality of the B-movies Hollywood was churning out at the time.

Girls showering, classic!

People constantly ask me, when I detour from traditional cinema into the erotic wonders of pornographic cinema, how exactly do I review a film of the genre? First off, it's incredibly difficult to tackle a contemporary pornographic film from a critic state of mind. Nowadays, the films play like the actors and actresses can't wait to take off their clothes. Contemporary pornography forgets the essential element of the project that is the tease. The film must have some dialog to captivate us, excite us, and arouse us. Not just five minutes of flaunting the body of the female before a fellatio begins. Reviewing a pornographic film from the "Golden Age" period isn't difficult at all; I consider the writing, the comedy of the story, the kinkiness of the scene, and finally, whether or not the sex is exciting or simply phoned-in on the actors' behalf.

Feed your body to make it in Dallas gal!

The titular character of the film is played by the gorgeous Bambi Woods, a blonde, innocent young woman who has dreams of trying out for a cheerleader position of the Texas football team (actually the Dallas Cowboys, although they're never referred to by name because of rights issues). Debbie and her girlfriends are changing in the locker-room one day (with Clark's camera bluntly focusing on the obligatory parts of the female body) when they realize their cheer-squad has been accepted to tryout for the Texas cheerleaders. The girls must then try and raise the money to commute to Texas on short notice by doing odd jobs for people around town. Debbie, in particular, gets a job working at a sports store for Mr. Greenfield (Richard Balla), who is instantly captivated by the beautiful, young Debbie. One can only imagine what he wants to do such a young, blonde woman.

Those were the days.

You're likely aware of cheap parodies of pornographic films from decades past that utilize lines such as "how could I ever repay you?" or "what are you gonna do to me?" Debbie Does Dallas was likely the direct inspiration for those parodies. The film includes all of the corniness, the lameness, and the transgressive squareness of pornography in terms of dialog and tone. This isn't a bad thing however, and adds to the comedic effect of the film, something, as stated, I feel is greatly missing in the modern porn industry.

Practice makes perfect.

On that note, Debbie Does Dallas is entertaining. Its level of eroticism is pretty basic, with the shower orgy and Debbie's sex scene being the notable highlights. I will say, however, that Clark knows how to appropriately choreograph a sex scene. The scenes are very intimate and run longer than many scenes from the era that I've seen. Scored in a germane fashion - corny and strangely relaxing - by the likes of Gerald Sampler and assisted by the wonderfully charming likes of Woods, it's easy to understand why Debbie Does Dallas is the iconic film it is. It defined an age and kickstarted the quirks of pornography that we've grown accustomed to. On that note alone it's worth watching.

Debbie scores!

Overall, a movie that it's not meant for PG rated enthusiasts, it's a porno, Mckay? However, this movie along with a few more from its era possess a feature that gives them the "Classic" label as they were innovative in storytelling and character development. Watching this flick you won't get the usual porn cliches where actors and actresses are one liners and go straight to sex with no further explanations. Nevertheless, Debbie Does Dallas is still a porn movie that features the hairy 70's and all the usual masturbation to oral-to penetration-to cumshot scheme so if this bothers you, I suggest you to skip it and stop visiting our blog for a while as we'll be reviewing a few classics from the genre.

Hairy Wet Debbie.

Now before we wave goodbye until the next review let me tell you a few interesting trivia facts about Debbie Does Dallas. 

Reception.

In New York, an adult theater showing the films was successfully enjoined from showing the film by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders under the Lanham Act (trademark). The case was The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders v. Pussycat Cinema. In affirming the district court's decision in favor of the Cheerleaders, the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit described the movie as "a gross and revolting sex film". The Cheerleaders successfully argued that their uniforms were mimicked by the film's producers and used in advertising. The theater argued that uniforms are strictly functional items, but the Second Circuit explained that "[it] is well established that, if the design of an item is nonfunctional and has acquired secondary meaning, the design may become a trademark even if the item itself is functional." The decision has been criticized on free speech grounds, but the Seventh Circuit has cited it for the proposition that "confusion about sponsorship or approval, even when the mark does not mislead consumers about the source of the goods," may be sufficient to state a claim under Lanham Act 43(a).

In another 1983 court case in New York, United States v. Various Articles of Obscene Merchandise found the film not to be obscene.

The 1986 publication of the Meese Report contained graphic descriptions of the film's sex scenes and uncensored excerpts of dialogue, which may have contributed to the report becoming a best-seller.

"Lemme swallow some of that warm cum"

Filming Location.

The movie was produced and directed by Jim Clark. Some scenes were shot at the Brooklyn College athletic field, and the Pratt Institute library in Brooklyn, New York, without the administration's knowledge or approval. There is an unfounded internet rumor that certain scenes were shot at the State University of New York, Stony Brook, including the library scene. However, that was found to be unlikely after an investigation with alumni, and the president of the Debbie Does Dallas production company said such a claim "was purely inconclusive".

Videotape Blockbuster.

The film was highly successful, selling 50,000 copies when it made it to videotape, making it the most successful video release of a porn film in its time.

Does Debbie actually do Dallas?

  

Contrary to the title, the film is not set in Dallas nor does the eponymous Debbie "do" anyone in or from Dallas.

Top 5 porn movie of all times.

According to the documentary "Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered", this film is one of the top-five highest grossing pornography titles in history.  

"I'm going to Dallas, I can feel it"

The Dallas Cowboys Suit.

The Dallas Cowboys filed suit against this film for using its cheerleader uniform in the ads and in the film without permission. The sequels used a different uniform.  

Debbie the uncensored.

On 14 September 2000, the British Board of Film Classification authorized for the first time the uncut release of this film, as part of a policy change to censor adult films less and children's films more.

Debbie Does Dallas Cast.

Starring: Bambi Woods, Christie Ford, Robert Kerman, Robin Byrd, Herschel Savage, Eric Edwards, and Arcadia Lake. Directed by: Jim Clark.   

Here's the extended movie trailer:

And here as a very educational bonus content, the episode from The Dark Side of Porn that digs deep in the Debbie Does Dallas film: