Howard The Duck

Bad in the 80's, good in the 21st Century.

Considered one of the most notorious box-office flops in history(Not even the "George Lucas presents" tag granted better results) , 'Howard the Duck' became the laughing stock of critics and movie-goers alike when it was released in theaters in 1986. If its executive producer, George Lucas, had his way, he would have canned that movie for good. But thanks to the home video boom in the 1980s, 'Howard' would follow suit and find his way into video stores across America. Let's just not blame him for trying, after all, Howard the Duck was and still is a rather obscure character in the Marvel Universe, and despite his kid friendly duck appearance, the comic book was way darker as it was a satire of what was going on when its first number came up.

Nearly thirty years later, 'Howard The Duck' came back to life in the after credits scenes of Guardians Of The Galaxy hinting his imminent return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Nevertheless, watching his standalone movie today, makes way more sense than it did in the 80's.

Here's how it all goes down: You are dropped onto a planet from a far-away universe, where ducks are human-like and are running the world, only to be pulled out again moments later. An everyday working-duck by the name of Howard gets sucked out of his living room on his recliner after returning to his apartment after a long, hard day.

Your friend is not from around here, right?

Wow! This Duck would make a fine addition to Disney anytime!

After the opening title is shown in the thundering tradition of cinematic heavyweights like '2001: A Space Odyssey', we see Howard's decent toward the planet Earth. Once he has reluctantly gotten his feet on the ground, he clashes with the dregs of society and saves the lead singer of an all-female glam band named Beverly, (played by 'Back to the Future's Lea Thompson). She tries to give him a hand, and help him get an explanation as to how he got sucked out of his living room and landed in Cleveland, Ohio.

That explanation never actually makes any sense, but that doesn't matter, because better plot developments hinge upon it. With the help of a goofy lab janitor Phil (played by the immortal Tim Robbins in an early comedic role) and a big time nuclear scientist Dr. Jennings (none other than Jeffery Jones), Howard finds out that a giant laser Jennings was using went haywire, and pulled Howard down instead. But going back isn't going to be so easy, because one of Dark Overlords of Evil hitched a ride on that laser, and has plans of planet domination and destruction. And who better than to save the day than the 3'1" (3'2", that is) wise-"quacking" title character, Howard T. Duck!

Shit, I'm about to fuck Marty McFly's mother!

Backdoor is not an option, is it?

Although George Lucas got ripped apart for having his hands in this one, I have yet to see a movie that is so awful, so terribly bad that I have been brought to tears crying at simply recalling scenes from this flick. The opening sequences on the duck planet contain countless parodies of American pop culture, and Howard's implausible hurtle through space is enough to make even the most serious chuckle.

Audiences back in 1986 didn't seem to, however. But something about watching this flop nearly three decades later makes all of these scenes so much funnier. The way I see it, our teen generation now has a funny fascination with the decade in which they were born, the 80s, and anything from it has a distinctive look and sound. American pop culture was throwing away Three's Company for MTV, LPs for tapes(well, vinyl is still alive and kicking) , and the Bee Gees for the Brat Pack. The youth took yet another step in distancing themselves from their parents, and although they furthered that schism, they too felt a strong connection the past few decades. Back in the 80's I was only a kid who loved Robotech, The Transformers, Atari, Nintendo and Star Wars of course.

Oh Howard, my twat melts for you.

Hey! knock before you come into our room!

Today's generation has 'Howard the Duck' as one of the most endangered time capsules of the 80s. You've got a one-of-a-kind performance by now Academy Award Winner Tim Robbins, whose his explanation of duck's evolutionary scale is priceless. George Lucas's own Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) special effects studio must be embarrassed to have itself credited with the horrendous effects (the Dark Overlord, for one). You've got a helplessly catchy theme song, revealing in all of its cheesy 80s pop-synth glory.

The jokes are terrible, the dialogue sub-par, the plot laughable. But you know what, you'll laugh you a$$ off. Still, what confuses me the host is how, at the beginning of the film, we see naked female Ducks (with very human tits) and Howard's smoking suggests the film is made for an adult audience and then all of a sudden, the film becomes a family rated sunday afternoon film. By the way, how do we explain to kids what is like to have sex with an animal? yes, peeps, Barbara Sizzles (the only character to actually appear in the original comic book, besides Howard) has sex with a duck in a film made for kids.

Not even a talking Duck can save from my powers!

OK, you fucked Marty McFly's mum and now you wanna impersonate him?

Join me in saving Howard from being pulled from video store shelves. Today's generation will love the waddling fowl more than the angry movie-goers who saw this dud in the theaters. Keep him alive!

Here's the movie trailer:

 Here the 10 most  disturbing moments in the film:

And here Howard the Duck's return to the big screen: