Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Fans will win for sure.

Alright folks, so much has been said already about the next big installment in the growing DC Comics cinematic universe. it's only been a couple of days since the world release of the movie some have waited their whole lives to see. Honestly, there are plenty of reviews filled with critics material: opinions without factual knowledge. I don't want to become a hater here but, let's be honest for once and for all: There are three kinds of people who watch comic book movies: 

1. Actual comic book readers 

2. Occasional fans of comic book films.

3. Posers who follow whatever that is trendy.

2 and 3 are what mostly define critics from mass media these days. If you're to criticize something and call it names, it's because you have checked the source material, ergo, you have facts, and facts are always the truth. Narrow minds, biased sons of bitches, Marvel cocksuckers who hate on anything not Marvel related, and assholes who think films always should be smart & real life accurate, let me tell you this: Go fuck yourselves! terminate your miserable lives right now. The world doesn't need negative shit! Considering we're controlled by a few corporations who tell our politicians to go to war for the black gold every day, it's a really sad world without entertainment!

it's time to suit up.

Fuck this shit, I'm Superman!

Batman V Superman, is not necessarily the sequel to Man of Steel but it starts with the consequences of the battle of Metropolis (well, it was filmed in Vancouver, so it was more like battle of Vancouver, but only us, Vancouverites, care about those facts) Bruce Wayne playboy millionaire happened to be there in the wrong time at the wrong place. Now, I'm not a cocksucker of any kind but I must state this here: Zack Snyder is a filmmaker with big balls. He's taken the task of directing gems no one would dare to touch: Watchmen, 300, the re imagining of Superman (Christopher Reeve's shadow is still present) Also, he reads comic books before making films! how many directors can say that? None, I'm pretty sure all they do is google stuff and that's as good as it gets. If Man of Steel was deeply based upon Superman: Earth One (2010) , Batman V Superman comes heavily packed with material from:

1.The Dark Knight Returns (1986, Frank Miller & Klaus Janson), Batman is meaner than ever.

2.Batman: Death in the Family (1988 Jim Starlin, Jim Aparo & Mike DeCarlo), Robin's suit with Joker's writing.

3.The Death of Superman (1992, Dan Jurgens & Brett Breeding), The final scenes of the movie. 

4.Reign of the Supermen (1992, Dan Jurgens, Jerry Ordway et al) Possibly, what's to come in future DCCU films.

5.World without Superman (1993, Greg Rucka & Sidney Teles) The aftermath of the final scenes.

6.Flashpoint (2011, Geoff Johns & Andy Kubert),The Flash travelling back in time via knightmares urging Batman to form the Justice League. 

7.Batman: Earth One (2012, Geoff Johns & Gary Frank)  Alfred Pennyworth was carbon copied from here.

8.Injustice (2013, Tom Taylor, et al) The flash again, telling Batsy "you were right about him"

All of the above can only mean one thing: Zack Snyder makes film for people who are actually long time comic book readers, thus explaining the huge amount of negative reviews written by, either number 2 or 3 (in our first paragraph) Of course, it's OK if you're not a comic book, but please don't try to turn ignorant opinions into facts because that fucking sucks. In addition, and I should mention this because it's obvious, if you're a comic book fan it means you can read Marvel, Dark Horse, Vertigo and other comic book brands without getting into the childish poser online war of "Marvel V/S DC" that is just not right, because the more attention comic books gets, the more we, the true fans get to enjoy. So shut your fucking mouth and stand aside to allow me to review this film with pure honesty and facts.

Yes, I'm a woman, beware macho men!

Smart, strong and on our side!

So, going back to the film review, I can tell you, in BvS the world is divided. People who praise Superman saving the day despite the mass urban destruction, and people who think he's a fucking menace that could put earthlings six feet under if he pleases to. Evidently, Batman is one of those non-believers (he was there during the events of Man of Steel, and had first hand contact with the pain of the situation) so he sets himself on a quest to tell the Super guy he has to respect his new world. Another hatred fucktard who agrees with Batsy is obviously Lex Luthor (surprisingly portrayed with excellency by Jesse Eisenberg)

Standing on the otherside, there's Lois Lane (played by ginger bombshell Amy Adams), Perry White (Laurence Fishburn) and Martha Kent (Diane Lane) followed by a big list of supporting cast and extras. and, where is Wonder Woman? (newcomer Gal Gadot, here to stay!) Well, she seems to have her own agenda as Diana Prince, but believe you me, the most astonishing moment of the movie is brought to you courtesy of WW. 

Watch for my signal!

Nice ride Bruce.

BvS was filmed as if it was purposely divided into two segments. The first one is all about the consequences of Superman's fight with Zod and how this affects the lead characters in the film. There isn't a lot of actin here but, it feels entirely necessary as it establishes a sense of reality, you know, what would actually happen in a super powered fight over Vancouver (ahem...I mean Metropolis) In this segment we're also told of the most obvious: Batman's origin story (brief enough to not become a cliche), Lois & Clark's relationship, the media interest on the Bat vigilante and we're introduced to a new kind of Lex Luthor, which I might add, is nothing like the previous versions we've seen. Oh Yes! there's more! Metropolis & Gotham are now sister cities (much like Toronto & Detroit in real life) for plot convenience. 

Haters & trolls of sorts have criticized Snyder told the whole story in the trailers but, they're wrong, and should throw their sorry asses inside an acid pit. We don't need that kind of crap anymore! The internet is crowded enough. So rest assure my friends, the trailers are nothing but that, mere trailers.The stories of Superman, Batman & Wonder Woman are somehow general knowledge so facts about their origin and most amazing stories should in no way be thought of as spoilers.

"Be their hero or be none of it"

"Superman doesn't exist"

Batman V Superman, features an incredible line that I friggin' loved: "Superman was never real. it was just a dream from a farmer from Kansas" a line that surely is  a game changer in the whole mythology of Superman. A man with special features, but not necessarily a man that wants to be the hero the world deserves. These lines do get along with "Be their hero, or be none of it"  a line that fits this film like a glove: Superman is so powerful, he can do whatever he wants to whoever he wants, whenever he wants it, and it's very likely no one will be able to stop him. However, we all know Superman's magnificence doesn't lie within his alien superpowers but within his human side: He's one of the few super heroes that will help you even if you don't like him (Batman yes, I'm talking to you)  And since he's a hero with morals, we have nothing left to do but to thank his human parents, the Kents from that farm in Kansas.

On the other hand (or shall I type side?) Batman is only human, and his butt hurt from his parents death seems to be the only driving force that leads him to take the cape and cowl in the first place. He's only human though, so if he wants to prove Superman his point, he will certainly need a huge amount of skills, knowledge and resources just to try to stop him. "You're going to war" says the new Alfred Pennyworth (Jeremy Irons steal the show, and Michael Caine who??) who is clearly based upon  Batman: Earth One's comic book.

The good, the bad & the ugly?

Beauty & the beast.

Then for the most obvious part we have Lex Luthor a spoiled rich kid who wants nothing but to destroy Superman proving he's the smartest criminal businessman in the whole world. Being as resourceful as he is, he manages to do a couple of things that will make things go dark black. Relying on his businessman skills, her plans to weaponize the Kryptonite his terrorist squad researchers found in Africa in order to allow the world's governments to have something to protect himself against a Superman. Unfortunately, the permission for such bad idea ends up in the garbage bin, something that will not stop a man by the name of Lex Luthor, won't it? 

Later,  he steals borrows Zod's corpse and plans to try the Kryptonite effects on Kryptonians for obvious reasons. Sadly, once he accesses Zod's ship he finds out something even better: a super computer with a never ending data base with info from thousands of worlds and a Kryptonian Lazarus pit style pit that can transform corpses into "Deformities" AKA monsters. Such deformity is no other than Doomsday! the creature that defeated the Justice League and killed Superman!

Oops!

Someone really hates Superman.

Moving on to the second half of the film, we get what we've been waiting for: not just one, but two massive Batman V/S Superman battles all dramatic, all picture perfect, and all taken from comic book source material. Yes, the inner child will giggle only to find he's already an adult about to reach maximum nerdgasm.  Zack Snyder has proven to be a skilled director when it comes to picturing dramatic sequences, and BvS is the gold medal.

In the meantime  Luthor's ready to unleash the beast which he created so proudly: Doomsday! and we already know what that means. The film starts with a funeral and will inevitably end up with another. What makes you human? what makes me human? is it the ability to create? to read and write? to think? or is it none but the ability to sacrifice ourselves in order to protect those we love? The choice seems pretty clear to me, and believe you me, so it will for Superman.

As for the long awaited Superhero cameos, well, they're not that surprising to be honest, but they're there nonetheless. The one I really liked was when The Scarlet Speedster reached out Batman's dream telling him, urging him to form the Justice League, as his worst fears have all become the truth in the near future. Obviously, we have yet to see what those worst fears are but, well, in another sequence of Batman's knightmare we see these creatures that look a lot like Darkseid's minions, so...

Superheroes love too.

Wonder Woman for the win!

Overall, BVS is an entertaining movie, perhaps one of the best comic book films of the decade. While it may not be everyone's cup of tea, I'm certain a lot of people (mostly fans of the genre) will be pleased. Although, BvS has its ups and downs like any movie, the visual spectacle, the soundtrack and the little fan service here and there are perhaps its strongest features. Another minor and yet massive good thing about the film is credit to Bob Kane & Bill Finger for the creation of Batman. On the other hand, and this is a very personal opinion (you already know I'm a nobody, a loser and an idiot in the same person, so) Some things felt as if they lacked color. Some of the key scenes or even some of the characters important features, felt a bit too plastic, with no heart and emotions whatsoever. Something in the likes "here's your superhero movie, here's what superheroes do, thank you and good night"

Superman, being one of the two main characters in the film (sorry WW, but your solo movie is coming next year) is treated as "a character we all know too well" so that kinda compromises his development giving him little chance to attract the viewer. BvS' Superman is like "oh, they don't like me, meh! ", "oh, they like me, meh", "oh, there's Batman, gotta stop him!" However, this has nothing to do with Henry Cavill's performance. He is the Superman of our times, no doubt about it but, writers still need to step up their game with him. After all, he's the first superhero, the one who turned cartoonists & writers into Comic Book entrepreneurs! he deserves better! 

Wonder Woman suffers a similar fate on BvS, "Diana Prince, secret agent with her own agenda" and just like with Cavill's S Gal Gaddot's WW has writing issues because, well, there's really not much going on with her.

Burn!

Friends will be friends.

Anyways, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, does the job it's meant to do: the establishment of the Detective Comics Cinematic Universe, AKA, DCCU. The new Batman is excellent, Ben Affleck was meant for the part (where are those Batffleck haters now?) and for fuck's sake! we've waited ages to see the bat suit done right! Superman is dead, hence he is the reason that will drive Wonder Woman & Batman to find other meta-humans to finally create the Justice League. Lex Luthor is bald and behind bars but with all the knowledge he acquired in Zod's wrecked ship supercomputer, will he remain that way? Aquaman, The Flash & Cyborg, we need your phone numbers for an important meeting.

Still, Zack Snyder has the balls no other film maker has ever had: messing up with the holiest of the holiest comic book stories of all time. 

Here's the ultimate movie trailer in full HD resolution:

Here's the Jimmy Kimmel "deleted scene" joke:
  

 The official trailer made with Lego figures: