Logan

The final chapter, a masterpiece!

Wow! I can't believe last night I watched what would be the final Hugh Jackman Wolverine movie. What started almost 16 years ago, ended the way many other movie franchises wish they had: Brilliantly! Logan is the third solo film in the Wolverine story but, it is actually the 8th time Mr. Jackman suits up in adamantium. I'm sure no other actor has ever worked this long with the same character, and a very complex character I might add. 

Following the huge success the X-Men films had in the early 2000's, 20th Century Fox decided to expand its universe with "Origin" movies for their most popular characters. Originally, a Wolverine & a Magneto movie were set to start a long list of mutant related films. Unfortunately, the poor ratings and harsh critics X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) received shut the doors for any other origin film. However, two years later in 2011, X-Men First Class brought hope to the world of mutants, paving the way to a massive and successful return of the Marvel Mutants to the big screen. Enter The Wolverine (2013), X-Men Days of Future Past (2014) & X-Men Apocalypse (2016) However, we're not here today to give a long explanation about how Logan came to be. If still interested, you can click on the links for our reviews of the previous incarnations of Wolverine. 

Now you pissed me off real good cocksucker!

Language! fucker!

So, Logan takes place in the year 2029, a future where there are neither mutants nor superheroes left. The reason behind this has to do with some evil science related to weaponizing mutant abilities. Logan is no longer the Wolverine. His days are spent as a weary limo driver trying to make enough money to feed his friends Caliban (Stephen Merchant) & Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart). The first half of the movie is spent showing us how hard it is to survive in a world without heroes. There are no funds left, no school for the gifted left and no friends to rely on. Logan is very sick due to the Adamantium causing him some kind of blood disease, but he's the only one healthy enough to take of care of the once great Professor X. 

There are a lot of interesting, and very well executed, nods to the previous X-Men films. The film is pure adrenaline from start to finish, lots of massive action sequences where we finally see full screen what a sharp pair of Adamantium claws can do to whoever is stupid enough to piss off the great Wolverine. The opening line, "What the fuck?!" already tells us this is the ultimate film. Motherfucker, fuck, fucking, shit, son of a bitch become their own character, and add a lot of flavor to the dialog of characters that are dying on the inside. Dafne Keen (who plays, Laura, AKA X-23) steals the show! she's a super talented young actress! 

So you're the legendary Wolverine.

Military scientists are the worst!

The goodness Logan has doesn't just stop there. The film comes packed with direct messages on how fucked up things are in real life: The USA experimenting illegally in Mexico, Children trying to escape to the Canadian frontier, twisted scientists, exploited Mexican labor, abused children, abandoned old men with no health care system, and gory violence that actually makes sense. Furthermore, several characters first language is Spanish! ¡Sí! ¡lo escucharon bien putos! (yes!, you heard that right manwhores!). And finally, actors/actresses use it properly! with no shitty phonetics or singular/plural/gender issues! This is one of the coolest elements that make the film work wonders! You see, in Mexico, people speak Spanish, so the illegal installations gringos have, are all forced run by Mexican doctors & Mexican nurses. Their experiments are taught to speak Spanish as a first language and they nail it! Twenty thumbs up for the young bunch of actors/actresses who speak it properly and two extra thumbs up for adding realism to the film! I mean, how many movies that take place in non English speaking countries are spoken in the correct language? two? three maybe?  

Director James Mangold wasn't fucking around when he got the job! Also, Jackman spoke several times during the last couple of years about his true commitment to the final movie of the Wolverine. You see, he had fans in his mind! Logan is the closest Marvel Comics has ever gotten to having their own The Dark Knight movie! Forget the childish phase 1,2, who fucking cares anymore Disney films! This movie has balls!

Hola, mi nombre es Laura.

I will protect you Laura.

The realism this film has is also another of its strengths. Brutal in your face violence is just around the corner, but every mutilation happens for a reason, and in a film that I for one, believe it to be the most serious Marvel Comics movie ever made, violence is clearly a desperate cry of characters that are stepping on Legos on a daily basis. In addition, the drama behind Logan & Professor X is gigantically depressing! They barely make enough to eat once or twice a day! Charles is 90 years old and in need of a special drug to stop from having seizures that can kill mankind & mutants in a minute! He is no longer in control of his powers, and so is Logan due to his blood illness. Caliban is not a warrior, he just helps with home work. On the other hand the bad guys, AKA Alkali Transigen are fully funded and armed to their teeth! So here's where hope happens: One day, Logan is hired by Gabriela (Elizabeth Rodríguez), a Mexican nurse. The big revelation behind this moment is brutal enough to convince Logan to fight one final time for what he believes is right. 

The discrimination issue is nothing new in an X-Men film, only this time things went south the hard way pretty quick, and long before Logan realizes he's the only hope of a bunch of special kids that could mean the future for the extinct mutanthood. I'm sure Donald Trump & his supporters will not like this movie at all, so if you're one of those poor souls without a brain, watch something else, you can't build walls in a movie theater. 

Yes, these claws are real baldnuts!

I'm super pissed!

Nevertheless, this film doesn't take itself too seriously, there's a fair amount of good jokes that will make you laugh just before & after you finish wiping your tears. Also, the makeup they put on Jackman to make him look older is really good. Once you find out [SPOILER] you won't believe who's wearing makeup and who isn't! 

Plotwise, Logan borrows a couple of things from the 2008 Old Man Logan story arc written and penciled respectively by Mark Millar & Steve McNiven. Basically, they took the fact that Logan was old and sick plus the road movie feeling the comic book has. In addition, it features elements from 1986's Mutant Massacre (Chris Claremont & John Romita Jr.), 2004's X-23 (Craig Kyle) and 2014's The Death of Wolverine (Charles Soule & Steve NcNiven) From then on, the story is entirely new, and in timeline terms, it takes place in the future from X-Men Days of Future Past. The X-Men are no more, they were either exterminated by Alkali Transigen or sadly by Professor X, who refers to the "Westchester incident" (Westchester, for the unaware, happens to be the exact location of Charles Xavier's school in New York). This movie would bring emo teens to mass suicide (if they had any balls to do so).   

Overall, Logan is the "adult" Marvel Comics film we've been waiting far too long for. Even hardcore comic book readers will be satisfied. Go watch it now! and be careful with Adamantium bullets! I for one, I'm seriosly planning to watch it again in 4DX.

Warning!: Not for Disney Marvel fans, they will shit in their pants, bunch of pussies!

Here's the movie trailer:

And a bonus certain video from Deadpool: