Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

The battle between good and evil returns.

3 years ago I would have never expected to be celebrating my birthday in the movies watching a new Star Wars movie. Although my birthday is on December the 17th, the premiere dates for The Force Awakens & Rogue One were pretty close so, I had and will have for the longest time, vivid fond memories on how I celebrated my birthday at the movies, with a new Star Wars for about 5 years consecutively. 

Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, TLJ from here on,  is a gigantic leap of faith into the world of bullshit, taken by director Rian Johnson. Everything you thought you knew about Star Wars, isn't going to go the way you think, (paraphrasing Luke Skywalker's utterance heard previously in the last movie trailer). 

The Star Wars mythology has had 40 years to grow strong, and it's had its ups and downs, which explains why you shouldn't search for spoilers in the web, because it would ultimately kill the viewing experience for you, and movies are always a personal experience, no matter how many times you watch them with friends or your significant other. The opinions and discussions you may fully enjoy with your posse will always be better if they come from your own personal experience, and as you clearly know by now, our humble blog has been around for almost 10 years and we treat the reader with respect, meaning you will not find any spoilers in this review, because a decent review respects the reader, and ultimately the viewer, so fasten your seat belt 'cause here we go!.

"it's time for the Jedi to end".

"not if I have a say on it".

TFA ended with one of the most hyped cliffhangers of all time: Newcomer Rey (Daisy Ridley) travels in the Millenium Falcon to a far island where the legendary Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill, the star of TLJ) is hiding. The question is, does he want to have a new padawan? Does he want his father's ligthsaber back?. Considering what is explained in TFA, it is clear Skywalker had it with the idea of a new Jedi order, and has moved on to a simpler life where he can no longer put the ones he loves in danger. However, the Rebellion needs the Jedi. His sister needs him, Rey needs him, and in an obvious way, we, the old school fans need him too. 

In a recent interview Mark Hamill said how much he would have liked Disney to pay attention to what George Lucas had sketched for episodes VII, VIII & IX because of how different the new trilogy would have gone.  Fortunately, Disney had their own agenda. An agenda that lifelong SW fans will thank forever, and don't get me wrong, I do respect and love what Lucas did with the original trilogy and the prequel trilogy (that got too much hate just because) but if you want to make SW a larger, wider, more varied universe, is better to hire some new hands to bring that refreshing feeling a cold beer delivers during summer time. 

"Where will you be when diarrhea hits?"

Newfound friends.

Before TLJ premiered, there were hundreds of fan theories and a focus on how this film would be a replica of The Empire Strikes Back due to the many similarities TFA had with A New Hope. J.J. Abrams had an unenviable task two years ago when he set out to make what became TFA: reboot Star Wars without changing anything. And to his credit, he did just that by making a shockingly giddy reinvention of that galaxy far, far away that also played like the greatest hits of what came before. But for all his success, the rewards found in TLJ prove even greater. At last we have, for the first time in ages, a Star Wars movie that’s all too happy to go where we don’t expect.

To be sure, Rian Johnson’s evocative and often exhilarating sequel continues the post-Disney mandate to remix elements that bask in the familiar. Hence why the First Order is even more imperial this time, striking back against Resistance forces who look increasingly like rebels; Jedi and evil sorcerers alike sit in chairs while skeptically sizing up would-be apprentices; and we even get an epic battle on a planet that may as well be called Salt Hoth given how powdery white those crystals look when the AT-M6 walkers stomp across the landscape like mechanized buffalo grazing during the dregs of winter.

Yet within all this repetition, Johnson uses his poor solitary writing and directing duties to tease and then brutally manipulate and mangle our nostalgia. His film makes no sense at all!. The first Star Wars film to be ever made by a fucking amateur who thinks forcing changes and forcing stupid Marvel Studios joke will translate for fans as "brand new re-telling". The movie simply sucks from start to finish.

R.I.P. Carrie Fisher.

Snoke is an ugly motherfucker.

Running 152 minutes, TLJ doesn't really feel that long and that may have to do with a lot of unnecessary scenes, like Finn & Rose's story, and the huge amount of retard humor (Marvel Studios Superhero films, I'm talking to you bitch!). On the one hand you have the rebels desperately fighting The First Order. Oscar Isaac's Poe Dameron is clearly here to become the Han Solo of this new trilogy. he's defiant, cocky and yet very important for the Rebel Alliance.  In addition, Finn (John Boyega) and his new partner Rose Tico (Kelley Mary Tran) are sent into a filler mission that is as relevant as it is for me to choose a Dr.Pepper instead of Pepsi (nobody cares!). On the other hand, Supreme leader Snoke (Andy Serkis), Kylo Ren (Adam Driver steals the show in TLJ) & General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) go full idiotic most of the time. Hux, looks like a schizophrenic who needs his medicine, and Snoke clearly has no love for Kylo and makes fun of him and really fucking sucks as a "supreme leader". 

But what about the Jedi plot? Rest assured, that you will get plenty of it, and while people tend to focus their attention on Rey, Luke, Kylo & Snoke, TLJ has a lot more disappointment to offer. The question of whether we are good or bad, is a constant motif throughout the movie. Johnson's directing takes it even further, contradicting most of his ideas in previous scenes, with later non-sensical scenes. 

Bad takes a whole new meaning in TLJ.

Hey Kylo! this is a Jedi only photo!

Moving onto a heartfelt matter, TLJ is the last performance by Carrie Fisher since she passed away last year in December. Fisher had already finished all of her scenes for TLJ when she died, and according to Rian Johnson her work in the film remained intact and no editing was done whatsoever. Sadly, most of her interactions throughout the movie, sorta give you that poetic justice feeling that she gave all she had left to the character and indeed TLJ will be a bittersweet movie to everyone who followed Princess Leia's adventure since day one. The question whether she makes it to the end of TLJ safe and sound will be answered when you go to the theater yourselves. Unfortunately, there is this one CGI scene, that is perhaps the most stupid thing this wannabe director gives in the whole film. Believe you me, you will hate the scene with all your guts.

And speaking of old characters, I believe the critics and fans can agree Mark Hamill delivers, in this film, his greatest performance ever despite a flashback that clarifies why Hamill had issues with the useless Rian Johnson when producing the film, and namely Luke Skywalker's story. I just can't believe the motherfuckers from Disney would hire this turd and grant him a brand new trilogy. I do hope they change this.

Rotten Tomatoes (a site which you couldn't care less about) says the "critics" or cocksuckers on a payroll, as I prefer calling them, give it a 93% of freshness while the real critics, we the people, rate it a 56%, which doesn't even grant it the pass grade.

Rey is strong with the force.

From scavenger to Jedi.

TFA was criticized by some fans as being a complete copy of Episode IV, which being far, it was not. The major problem I had watching TLJ is the fact that the film changes so many things in a nonsensical manner, that J.J. Abrams' work feels utterly useless! Most of the mystery and promising aspects behind the new characters is tossed in the garbage compactor for good. 

The fact that Disney has just bought 20th Century Fox aims at an even darker future for other film franchises and creators. Owning everything, doesn't make you successful or powerful, it makes a fucking dictator, and dictators are known for killing arts in every way they can. I had so many high hopes for Rey!! I friggin' loved the character!! but what the fuck man!? just like Kylo Ren, they are changed into a state of lame ambiguity in order to makes us think they could turn to opposite, which of course, they do not. 

I need to see a medic urgently, please!.

I tried hard for you fans, but I failed you.

In 2015 I watched TFA 5 times in the movie theater, and since then maybe 5 more times at home. The movie was fucking awesome. However, with TLJ, only one time is enough to tell the movie was rushed, and that the producers were more concerned about the marketing department rather than leaving a wide happy smile in their fans. Of course, there are many cocksuckers out there, who would suck Disney's dick for free, just take a look at their latest superhero films to see how bad they really are, but how beloved they are by the non connoisseur section of movie goers.

Man I feel bummed! I even re watch the whole saga again (including Rogue One) and felt that in doing so I made a terrible mistake because, all the good Star Wars films were already there! I just can't believe  I watched a bad SW movie! 

The jedi?

The rebels!

Overall, TLJ is a transitional movie that lacks so much, you can easily skip it and watch Episode IX in 2019 and understand everything that has transpired in between movies anyway. When I left the theater in 1999, after The Phantom Menace I knew the forthcoming episodes would explain more about the new characters. When people left the theater in 1977 after A New Hope, they felt the same so, it became a Star Wars thing to expect revelations in the sequels. Unfortunately, when I left the theater a couple of nights ago, I felt robbed and raped, because TLJ solves nothing and mangles characters that were larger than life. I ain't buying the nothing is sacred crap. Besides, 153 minutes feel like 10 hours when a film is going nowhere.

Rian Johnson, go fuck yourself, We fucking hate what you did with Star Wars.

And one more thing, when George Lucas was asked about the film, he answered "Beautifully made", which translates as "it only looks nice but, there's nothing else".

Here are the promising trailers:


 Trailer #1:



Trailer #2:



The TV Spots part 1:



The TV Spots part 2: