Apr 3, 2012

Mortal Kombat, Annihilation

Destroy All Expectations (literally)
Ok, I admit it, the following film in review was considered as one of the worst films ever made, but I gotta tell you professional reviewers, I've seen worst, and I enjoyed them way better than a Godfather-like perfect of film.  Mortal Kombat: Annihilation was the inevitable sequel to the succesful first film based on the greatest videogame ever made by the guys from Midway entertainment (if you happen to be a newbie, the Mortal Kombat games you play are Warner Bros property, but before WB there was Midway) 

Released in 1997 with a lot of hype (as the original Mortal Kombat film was the one and only videogame movie that did have quite a succesful on screen time, unlike Street Fighter & Super Mario Bros to name a few) John R. Leonetti took the directing role, and with help from Lawrence Kasnoff, Joshua Wexler & John Tobias himself in the writting. In the cast we no longer have Christopher Lambert as Raiden, but we do continue the adventure with Robin Shou & Talisa Soto.   

Our heroes return, no matter how bad the movie is.
Ermac, Sindel, Rain & Sheeva who looks like an ugly she-male.
Vow to me!
Fans from around the globe were expecting a direct follow up to where the original Mortal Kombat movie left. In a way, we get what we want but the film maker decides it is time to expand the MK universe by adding every single character from Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 instead of following the natural videogame continuity that would have followed with the MK II characters instead. So, the opening portal from outworld which is actually seen at the final minutes of part I is the actual opening sequence to part II, Shao Kahn shows up with hundreds of thousands of minions, plus his select team of bodyguards led by her wife Sindel and Motaro. So, we, the fans are like "fucking amazing, so begins MK II" but then we're like "Oh, wait  there's the entire MK universe on screen" so, immediately our neurons tell us something is going to go wrong with the film. How can you manage to put on screen about 25 characters without dying trying to explain each character reasons to be on screen? Well, not even George Lucas could explain that in a whole Star Wars expanded universe! Although Ed Boon & John Tobias did spend some time in the film production we just got to remember they're videogame makers, not film makers. Anyways the movie director knows explaining would be sitting ducks for sure, so instead of adding flasbacks with storytelling he decides to abuse of the resource that made MK such a popular videogame franchise: fighting! So the storyline is pretty much the same MK I story with little added elements. Shang Tsung is fucking dead, so his big boss Shao Kahn decides to take the matter personally and shows up on earth to become his new absolute ruler. The problem is, Liu Kang, Sonya Blade, Jax & Raiden won't give in.

Sindel rides good.
Sindel & her two sex slaves.
Jax and his bionic arms to fap faster & longer.
The storyline on a videogame aimed at teenagers doesn't need to go that deep to become a fan favorite and that is exactly what this film proves. I for one, being a MK fan quite enjoyed watching the amazing fight sequences were there was no need for plot explanations as the film itself was this time made to satisfy the fans instead of catching wider audiences' attention. The problem is that some cool characters have little or nothing to do in the film, they kind of look dorky like Sub-Zero, Jax, Jade, Ermac & Rain to name a few. Shao Kahn also isn't a very well impersonated character. While I always had the impression of Shao Kahn as a smart ruler, the film depicts him as a macho brute boss instead. Another mistreated element is the environment the MK games have: Darkness, mystery & fear, elements which are not quite well executed within the movie. In fact I would say the movie looks more like a Street Fighter adventure rather than the dark, mysterious martial arts tournanment MK is about. Another dissapointment is the lack of brutality in the fight sequences, considering the videogame in which the film is based that is bad dudes, really bad.  I really had expectations of seeing gorier battle sequences in the sequel but nevermind that. 

Cirax Wins!
Sub-Zero reborn.
Smoke!
I surrender to your black cock Jax, fuck me hard!

The storyline is another issue in this movie, cause it's kind of messed up. Raiden has no powers to fight on earth cause his brother has broken the elder gods code, and Raiden's daddy Shinnok is behind all of this bloody mess (while we see little of him at the very end of the flick) Liu Kang, Sonya & Jax follow Raiden's instruction while on the go they  meet some friends and foes. Liu Kang learns the animality technique that would aid him at defeating Shao Kahn in the final battle (shit, the 3D morphin used here is fucking lame, even for a 1997 film) Another major dissapointment is the lack of real centerfolds to depict the female characters of MK, I mean Talisa Soto & Musseta Vander are quite good as Kitana & Sindel but the rest of the female cast really lacks the sexuality the original characters depict.

Talisa Soto, nude talent.
Musseta Vander, a hottie.
I have been a huge fan of the MK videogames practically since the beginning, and I really enjoyed the first Mortal Kombat movie. It wasn't a work of art, but it was fun, funny, colorful and had some great fight scenes. Anihilation, though, suffers from an extreme case of sequelitis, with about half of the characters re-cast, all of which were a step down, a dumb story line, wooden acting, effects that were less advanced than the ones in the first movie, and a feeling of blah pervading the whole thing. Perhaps the worst thing is the fight at the end with the two really bad CG "animalities", a cheesy idea from the game that should have stayed in the game. Liu Kang's dragon looked like a pear with wings and a tail. Definitely avoid this one if you wish to keep your glowing memories of the arcade game intact. 

Before the usual movie trailer, and as way of thanking for reading a review about such a bad film, I give you some of the hottest cosplay erotica inspired by Mortal Kombat.

Sonya Blade's deadliest weapons: her tits & twat.
Mileena's shaved pussy.
Kitana's shaved twat.
Nice pussy Kitana.
Finish her (pussy)
Here's the movie trailer, watch it if you dare:


and a bonus video in case you didn't want to read my shit:

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