Space Thing

Visit the planet of the rapes!

I always had a feeling Star Trek (the original series) sorta had a hidden (or not so hidden) sex charge. I mean, the costumes of most of the female characters always left little to the imagination. Futuristic mini-mini skirts, side boob dresses and skin tight fabrics were clearly a sign of a promising future in space with beautiful in shape women taking man where no man did ever go before.Obviously, everyone dreamed of these girls and some clever ones decided to build their own futuristic space adventures where there was plenty of women.Believe it or not, space sex films have been around for quite some time. As a matter of fact, today's entry will take us straight into the groovy 60's!

Space Thing, is a 1968 cult film directed by Byron Mabe (as B. Ron Elliot) and starred by Karla Conway (a playboy girl from the same year) Steve Vincent, Merci Montello & Cara Peters. The film runs for 69 minutes (no pun intended) and it's clearly the Star Trek sex charged spoof episode everyone dreamed of in the 60's. As a matter of fact, the outdoor scenes were filmed in the same place some Star Trek episodes were! talk about being a kinky trekkie!

 

Captain Mother's crew.

Col. Granilla meets the man.

It's the year 2069; Col. Granilla (Vincent) is a Planetarian (alien), an alien in human disguise so that he can infiltrate the space ship of Captain Mother (Peters), whose crew is basically made up of females that like to strut around in little clothing. These Terranians (humans) really confuse and disgust him in the way they perform their intimate ways, as most of the girls have really got it for Granilla and the feisty lesbian Captain Mother doesn't like the idea of her girls getting it on with men. So he becomes caught up in a tussle between Captain Mother, a couple girls and one of the two men who's incredibly jealous of his intentions. But there's more a greater purpose for him being on the ship and that's to stop them reaching his planet (yes, this is true despite all the T & A) 

Oh boy this should be a true stinker, just look at the film's outline. True I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but this inter-galactic, exploitation z-grade production has some sort of trashy appeal to it, because you won't see anything quite like it. That appeal would be in the slightest of doses, though. This surely would've been rated one of the worst films of all time if not for its exploitative context which is why it probably went by unnoticed. It's bad, real bad but entertaining in certain aspects of this awfulness and amateur set-up. On this occasion I would say its one of those times when the commentary on the DVD outdoes the actual feature. 

The story takes place on board spaceship Erection.

In the future we'll sit in thrash cans.

The producer David F Friedman spends the beginning talking up how bad it is and I tend to agree with him when he claims that 'Plan 9 from Outer space' has a new contender, and it really makes Plan 9 look like an epic, yep that's true. I'm not exaggerating! What we get here is buckets of female nudity and soft-core sexual acts. There's definitely no innuendo going one here! 

To begin with is a drawn out prologue involving man reading Sci-fi stories while his wife is complaining about that's all he does and she's sexually depraved. Well, not too long we get our first sexual play and then it moves into its nude space story that he might be dreaming about. It's either focusing on its cheap looking sets or that of the woman who are basically in little clothing, if none at times. Oh that might be great, but hell at times it got a bit tedious with the same old shots and actions occurring. Really, there's little if no plot but to stage one sexually passionate act and some ladies walking and lazing about in the nude after another. They seem to find an opportunity to just shove it in the film. Although don't expect it to be rather erotic, because it doesn't really have that effect. But who's to complain when the woman involved in this skin flick are rather ravishing to say the least. That especially goes to the busty Captain Mother who loves her lesbian action and (tamely) sadistic pleasure. Also were given a tongue in cheek narration, which flows throughout the feature and actually will raise a chuckle if you let it. I thought this one was of its better things, among the bad. 

I smell wet clit here.

Space pubes!

The goofy script is better off, as it plays for a comedy and it does have some moments. The way this comes across as, it's like a parody on people having sex for the first time. Well, more so a parody on sex and love education for aliens. But the actual plot is nothing but little set pieces, which are set-up to prolong the running time, that's why some do come across rather repetitive and tedious. Really nothing does come off together. Well, it's mentioned on the commentary that they had a time limit to reach and with no real story, it was always going to be a hard ask to complete.

The budget really shows. Cheap, that's very cheap. That's even if they had one? If I remember correctly the producer said on the commentary the budget was something just under $40. Yeah, I can believe that! As technically the shaky foundation is household items, with cardboard and model sets. Some props are just laughably bad that it looks all primitive with toys and conjured up items hanging by strings. The imagination truly blew me away… I wish. The only thing that had an ounce of freshness might have been how they staged the opening credits. But everything else is just plain horrifyingly inane from the soundtrack that's all over shop that it resembles that of cheesy elevator music to the disjointed and weirdly style of editing and the very intrusive camera-work that didn't venture away from its few and usual frames and angles. The constant heavy breathing during moments involving the characters getting it on had me questioning was that on camera or behind it? Both I say.

Sci-Fi over sex?

Clever opening credits.

The effects (maybe that's an overstatement?) are another story, as the explosion to end the story off seem to be out of time by already being on fire before exploding. It's a whopper! Also that spaceship, called the erection was a dish… I think (?) and sometimes seamlessly it didn't fit the size ratio that it's supposed be when on screen. There's even a moment involving a person going out to see if a planet is safe enough for them to leave their spaceship, but when he leaves the ship by it's door, there's no airlock. Therefore, possibly releasing dangerous gases into ship. Oh heck, forget about this as it was the limitations that caused this trash, but lovable trash… to some agrees;) Maybe I spent too much time on this, so I'll wrap it up.

Star Trek was huge back in the sixties, and so was Flash Gordon a decade earlier (the 70's would spawn its own parody with Flesh Gordon) and oh well, Star Wars is still great and even the galaxy far, far away has received the parody treatment in the porno genre. Maybe the one thing that would make this 60's flick is the fact that it was inspired by a quality science fiction series that did play here and there with sexual innuendo but, due to TV regulations couldn't go any further in the T&A department so, if you're like me, say, motivated to see what other trekkies thought about when the lights went out in the Enterprise, Space Thing, could be an interesting re imagining of Gene Roddenberry's universe.

Futuristic Bush.

Dicks are bad for your cunt!

Yes, this is a bad movie. Its cheaper than "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and "Teenagers From Outer Space" combined, features horrible acting, a screenplay which makes you wonder if the writers were in a right state of mind, and an overall feeling of tawdriness. Fortunately, its a good bad movie. Besides, unlike Ed Wood who had a lot of enthusiasm for his projects, the makers of this will readily admit that its a piece of crap that exists for the sole purpose of getting nudity on-screen. And when the final product is this entertaining and bizarre, I really don't care.

Like I said above, this is a cheap movie. The interiors of the rocket consist of about three in studio sets, the planet they land on at the end is clearly just some desert in California, and the explosions in particular are obviously pasted in later. The dialog and situations are all stereotypical softcore porn scenarios, and they're absolutely riotous. Anyone whose truly politically incorrect at heart will be in hysterics at the incredibly outdated sexism. The characters are all stock types, my favorite being the male cadet who brings to mind a young Bobcat Goldwaith.

Captain Mother knows she's the tits.

Let me diddle that skittle for you captain.

Most of all though, these nude films are unique, which is the main appeal to me. Its a cliché to say they don't make them like they used to, but that's entirely the case here. The color schemes are eye catching and almost pop art (even though that's a more pretentious label than Friedman would ever want), and bring to mind some of John Waters' early classics (the melodramatic dialog is great as well). Past the rather innocent sexual situations, the theme of the space race dates this incredibly. Its kind of like "Flesh Gordan", except even dumber and since the actors never wink at the camera, its a lot more fun than that famous midnight movie. How much you enjoy this film all depends on how intrigued or turned off you are by the plot description.

SPACE THING is one of the best known sexploitation films out there but I honestly don't see why. I guess the science fiction might bring a few people to the film who wouldn't normally watch these softcore films but there's very little here in regards to entertainment. The film was obviously shot on a shoestring budget but this adds some campy charm and especially with the ultra cheap sets. The film also manages to load up on the beautiful women and as you'd expect there's non-stop nudity from start to end.

Say, wanna suck some dick?

Hey! take it easy! I didn't force her to swallow!

Nude in space with gallons of tempting female flesh and campy dialogue, that's about it. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Here's the Something Weird official movie trailer: