Bolero

Yeah Bo Derek in the nude!

Alright, we mildly heated things up at SPAM Alternative with our previous entry but today's entry will set thermometers sky high! If 10 launched Bo Derek's career as a big screen bombshell, 1984's Bolero certified her as a true blonde princess of sexploitation. Originally, Bolero was intended to be a rated X film, meaning there would be plenty of T & A but producers, Bo Derek and the film maker (John Derek, Bo Derek's husband) decided there was enough sex in the film so they released it unrated to avoid filming alternate scenes and to attract the growing male fandom Derek built since 10. 

Bolero follows the story of two friends who recently finished high school (private education, they're rich as hell) and set up their minds to travel the world while attempting to fulfill Linda McGillivery's (Derek's character) goal: to lose virginity over a very sexy man. Can you believe it? why in the world would she need to travel the world to find someone to fuck her good? with her steaming curves I doubt she would have made it out of high school a virgin. Anyways, Catalina (Ana Obregon) is more than willing to help her friend and they together go visit a young and wealthy sheik that could lend Linda more than a lending hand on the matter.  The sheik is more than willing but his pot smoking habits end up making him fall asleep while Linda is all wet and covered in milk & honey. Therefore, they decide to travel to Spain to find a macho torero that can fuck the shit out of her pussy.

Once they arrive in Spain, they find the perfect match and while this torero is already dating someone, he's more than willing to help.  

Finally free from high school!

If she wants a good fuck, I'll help her travel the world to find the perfect match.

Bolero like many other films, relied on rumors as publicity stunts. For instance, at that time, it was said the final sex scene wasn't simulated (you can actually see the torero's balls under Derek's bouncing ass) Also, Olivia D'abo, fourteen years old at that time, had several full frontal nudity scenes. Try doing that with today's filming standards. John Derek was so satisfied with his movie, he decided not to have early screenings of the film. Unfortunately, the movie didn't do nowhere near as expected. People bashed it, and movie goers asked for their money after leaving the theaters while the film was an hour away from being over. Bolero was nominated for several Golden Raspberry AKA Razzie awards in 1984. Such awards are the opposite of being chosen for good work, so there's nothing honorable about been nominated. 

Despite the terrible ratings, John Derek would still find deals to make more movies with her wife. Nevertheless, Bolero was his last film made with a Hollywood sized budget.  If 10 was criticized for not featuring enough T & A, Bolero clearly had that fixed, but the lacking of a good story telling, a decent plot and well, good acting made it fail despite all the tits, pussies & asses on screen. 

The sheik is a stoner.

Don't worry Linda, we'll find you a hard cock.

To be fair, Bolero plays like any other softcore/sexploitation flick would do, an onion thin plot to justify all the nude scenes. The problem is, sexploitation films aren't necessary smart. When you try a smart, artsy perspective for an erotic movie where it's audience it's mostly males looking for an excuse to either masturbate or convince their girlfriends that casual fucking is really good, you simply don't know your audience. Bo Derek may be super beautiful but she can't act. To make matters worse, trying to convince the audience she's portraying a virgin it's completely impossible. How many times have you seen a virgin traveling the world for a good fuck with wealthy men?  Well, maybe you have, but there are way better sexploitation films out there. Oh, wait! I get it! Bo Derek's are a special kind of erotic genre where there's morals and taste for the sex scenes!  

In the early 80's porn wasn't a free online 24/7 service a click away from your filthy hands. Video rental stores where huge, and no under aged young man would dare renting a porno or erotic film because everyone would find out about your dirty habits. I'm pretty sure Bolero belongs in that category, and sadly in that bygone era.  The whole vibe the movie delivers is "this is the erotic film your girlfriend would watch because there's a smart plot, and friendship, and romance" Maybe in the 80's innocent girlfriends would buy the idea of an erotic movie made for those who are not perverted minds but young dreamy newbies searching for marriage and a functional family through a one night stand anal sex adventure with a money shot ending. 

Hey Linda, I hear you wanna get defiled.

How you like that rich bitch?

Erotic films are really hard to made in this day and age. What separates them from pornography? what makes them appealing to wider audiences? why would you want an erotic film as foreplay instead of a straight porno flick? Very difficult questions, the answers are obviously varied and there are no right or wrong answers. Everything depends on the eye of the beholder. Some say, erotic films are made for women because they feature a romance story and all the sex scenes are beautifully orchestrated, while a softcore flick or straight porno is clearly designed for male audiences because we're easy on the eye, and T & A will keep us interested for 90 minutes even if the film is as bad as a Michael Bay Transformers film. 

Wrong! women watch softcore & porn films too! and they do it more often than you think. The world is constantly changing for the better or worse, and today standards do not apply to films from past decades. Bolero is clearly a product of its time.  In the 70's sexploitation and porn films were sleazy and didn't care for the beauty of the love scenes. In the 80's they tried stating erotic movies could be art pieces and/or smart films only people with a mind ahead of their time would understand. The same happened with the legendary porn film Deep Throat which opened doors for "smarter" porn films.

Gratuitous nudity.

Oh my god! that cock is gigantic!

If you happen to be a newcomer in the sexploitation genre, Bo Derek will clearly find her way in your constant search for the most important actresses of the genre, and maybe Bolero is the best film out of the few she did while she was still considered the latest Hollywood bombshell. However, most of the sexploitation starlets share  the same fate Bo Derek had: a short lived career. 

A few paragraphs above I mentioned this movie had romance, and it is true in a certain way. Derek's character behaves mostly like the woman of every man's fantasy: a Sex craving woman. Now, for the most part every female character follows the same thread during the movie. Every girl gets shagged with the only exception being Paloma (Olivia D'abo) which for obvious reasons (she was 15 years old during the filming) who only dreams about belonging to a man.  What kills this film is what essentially killed 10 too: a main character who spends 90% of the film with a careless free spirit personality that opposes entirely the grand finale where she marries the man she barely knows. A couple of good fucks won't take you to the altar I'm pretty sure of that but what the hell, the film plot is a joke. As soon as the film begins she gets naked just because, so why won't she fuck the men she already knows through her private school? Nah! she's rich and eccentric, so she needs to travel abroad to find a good piece of dick. Millionaire dick I might add. She won't shag a hobo! only sheiks and rich bullfighters who own the most expensive horses and vineyards. 

Look at me!

I need your jizz.

The stereotype of a rich eccentric girl has been exploited hundred of times in cinema before, and still is. The sexploitation films are just like a superhero flick, they end up being derivative, cliched and boring. Even for the most enthusiast sexploitation fan enough is enough sometimes. 

All in all, Bo Derek films are nothing but a good publicity stunt, there really isn't anything interesting and worth your time. The fact that she can be nude during her films isn't that surprising either. Without good writing a character is doomed, no matter how hot she looks, we still need a minimum substance to grab onto in order to fully enjoy a movie that I'm sure was intended to be entertaining but got lost in the middle for several reasons.

Extasy!

Steamy pussy!

What about the hyped sex scene at the ending? is it true it was real sex? Man! a connoisseur knows better! of course this wasn't real sex! the brief scene where Derek's ass bounces over the bullfighter balls is a very old trick in sexploitation films. 

Verdict? Bolero is one of the worst films I've ever watched, and believe you me, I've seen a lot of awful films that are way better than this one.  If you wanna know who she was, Bolero is the least boring crap out of the big pile of dookie films she starred.

Finally, Bo Derek is only a beautiful body. Her acting is terrible, she can't even pretend to be horny during the sex scenes, instead of cumming she looks like she's either laughing or in pain. Also her moves during the sex scenes are so fucking fake! man! even a real life virgin can tell that's not the way you fuck! If you want a real life lesson, here's a good one: the looks may take you to some places, but in the end skills will get you through the rest of your life, and obviously Derek didn't get that far.

Here's the movie trailer: