Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam AKA or Turkish Star Wars

The man who saves the world!

Anyone who has seen this movie can't help but give a wide grin upon the mention of its name, but it means more than "just another low budget Turkish rip-off" to me. It is an artifact of great pride, the proof of what can be achieved despite having no money to make a film and/or no respect for copyrighted material.

Movies somehow have a great effect on contemporary Turkish culture, much more than in any other country. Turkish people love movies. They love their actors, themes, they never get tired of watching the same movies over and over (so do we, don't we?). Like anything else that has the "Turkish" brand upon it, this is rather difficult to describe to someone who's never been to Turkey. But let me just say that, an old Turkish movie which has been run, say, 50 times on TV, still gets the highest rating on its 51st run, and even if it's broadcasted a second time within that week, it will still remain as the rating lead.

 

official promotional pictures.

These aren't the stormtroopers we're looking for.

Cuneyt Arkin, probably the best-known and loved Turkish actor, is known for such movies. Although most of his movies are no less cr*ppy than the linguistic skills of some of my fellow reviewers here, he has also made some remarkable films and has won awards. He can do circus acts (he's worked in a circus) like no Hollywood actor can do, does his own stunts, he's very good-looking and a better actor than most of his contemporaries. However, most of his filmography consists of no-budget films (Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam is one of the highlights) therefore he sometimes gets reviews that he never deserves, which is the case about this movie.

In a period when making a high-budget Turkish movie was virtually impossible (even if you had the best actors, producers, directors) Arkin took the low-budget to an art form. All funny stuff aside, the so-called Turkish cinema (!) of the 90's-2000's is virtually no better than Arkin's films. Apart from a handful of exceptions, these late-era Turkish movies have never been able to reach the audiences' hearts and minds, and will probably be forgotten in a few years. But Arkin's films, no matter how ridiculous they may look at times, have caught the spirit of his people, grabbed their hearts and benumbed their senses, and are being discussed on the internet even 30 something years after they've been made.

 

The bad guy that kinda looks like The Mandarin.

Damsel in distress.

As for the movie itself... It's unbelievable, that can't be denied. And unless you've lived for at least some months in Turkey, some of the things you'll see will pop your eyes out of their sockets, like scenes copied/pasted from Hollywood favorites (something that will shock the copyright-sensitive Americans and Europeans). This movie is certainly something that no modern moviemaker would dare make, and although a truly unforgettable experience, it's not Cuneyt Arkin's most incredible film.

That's right, at least in this movie there's a rather straightforward story, you know who's good and who's bad, what they're trying to do, etc. But Arkin has some films (the populist reviewers who only know Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam must surely be ignorant of these) in which you never know if he's good or bad, if he's the brother of the star actress or if he's her husband, in some movies even his character's name is never mentioned. He's Cuneyt, he beats the crap out of everyone and saves the girl, that's enough. He doesn't need a name. In some films, the plot twists so radically that you sometimes wonder if you're still watching the same film. Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam, AKA The Man Who Saves The World, AKA Turkish Star Wars, is not that bizarre, but it experiments with something that Turkish cinema rarely deals with: special effects, and perhaps that's what makes it so funny. Other than that, I (and probably most of you) can name quite a few Hollywood movies which, in terms of content, are far worse than this movie.

 

The production team decided to market the film primarily to older children, and to cut the running time by about 1 hour because the studio was concerned that the 2-1/2 hour length of the original cut--far longer than the typical 75-minute Turkish film--would hurt the film's market potential. This resulted in the film's disjointed and frenetic pacing, its emphasis on action, and its lack of on-screen plot exposition, with major plot points only being explained in voiceover.

The film was reportedly embraced eagerly by its youthful target market, and was very successful in Turkey. 

 

Kung Fu in space!

Cardboard sword V/S oversized Teddy bear.

Now, moving on to what really made this rather freaky film so popular, let's take a look at how many times this film breaks the legal barrier by "borrowing" intelectual property:

 

1. The decision to incorporate pirated footage from Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977) was made after elaborate spaceship film sets constructed on a Turkish beach were destroyed by a storm before shooting was scheduled to start. The studio refused to finance the sets' reconstruction and did not want to delay the film's release, leaving the producers with no feasible way to create all-new space battle footage. Çetin Inanç solved the problem by bribing the night watchman at a Turkish film distributor to let him borrow a print of Episode IV, which was hastily copied overnight. Moreover, the material from Star Wars was spliced in from an anamorphic print, while this movie was shot in academy format, resulting in a non-correct aspect ratio during the Star Wars footage (e.g., the Death Star looks more like a Death Egg).

 

2. The movie also includes soundtracks from Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) (throughout the film), Moonraker (1979), Flash Gordon (1980), Planet of the Apes (1968), and The Black Hole (1979). 

 

3. The Wizard's wife's transformation into an old hag and a spider, the swirling yellow vortex that turns men into burnt, shambling zombies, and a character turninhlg into a hairy ogre are all taken from Bert I. Gordon's The Magic Sword (1962). 

 

Promotional poster.

Millenium what?!

Think you've seen it all? Well then don't hesitate to try watching Dünyayi kurtaran adam not only borrows but begs and steals elements and music from "Star Wars" (natch), "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and "Flash Gordon"; many scenes simply run clips from "Star Wars" interspersed in otherwise non-space scenes, probably just to keep reminding you this is taking place in a galaxy far far away.

The "original" special effects scenes are perhaps the funniest this film delivers. From red-cell tints, back projection, stop-motion brains, shag-rug aliens, party masks (one alien is a red-colored devil mask, complete with goatee, widow's peak and horns! MAN!!), toilet paper-wrapped zombies, and the Star Wars stuff again where there are a lot of SW clips played through a partially blocked-out screen.

And the heroes? Two non-Solos who wear polyester shirts (that blue one with the two yellow flowers on the chest - STYLIN'!) and give karate kicks and chops and sport physiques like any well-schooled middle-aged banker would possess. Nice hair, though.

As far as the dialogue goes, couldn't get a word of it. I don't speak Turkish, but who needs dialogue; this is apparently not a movie that takes great pains to make a brave new world.

The fan made trailer with English subtitles:

Here's the film for your viewing pleasure, and no, you don't need subtitles, the film is pretty self explanatory:

 

Next week: Turkish Superman!

Ghostbusters 2016

Who you're not gonna call?

Alright, while our latest entries have all been about cult Italian cinema, We decided to take a break from the wonderful film makers from Pasta country and decided to give a try to Ghostbusters 2016. Hated even before its conception, this new take on the 80's nostalgia classic already has four Teen Choice Awards nominations: Best summer movie, best male movie star (Chris Hemsworth) and two best female movie star (Melissa MacCarthy & Kristen Wiig) meaning absolutely nothing, cause awards are just that, awards. Whether this film nails one or the four nominations, is irrelevant, and in words of legendary Grunge rocker Eddie Vedder "I don't know if this means anything" (referring to the one time Pearl Jam won a Grammy for the "Spin the Black Circle" single in 1994) Art shouldn't take part in a popularity contest but, is Ghostbusters 2016 art? Let's find out!

First of all, the troll rage this film suffered was out of this world! I mean, how can people criticize something they haven't seen before! Man! the world is crazy fucked! and not even the entertainment industry is safe from bigotry. The original Ghostbusters film are remembered as 80's cult items! people worship these films as if they were some kind of twisted religion, so you better not mess up with my original films! Honestly, what a bunch of crap! is it because there's four women in the lead roles? is it because there are no original characters returning from the  80's on their wheelchairs and adult diapers? is it just because? is it because fuck you? Seriously, nobody cares. Movies are a personal experience, just like sex or music, so despite the fact this blog posts opinions about films, we always encourage you, the viewer to take matters on your own and decide according to your enjoyment what's to like and what's not to like. 

Girl power.

You can't sit with us.

Anyways, here goes nothing Ghostbusters 2016 is the reboot nobody was asking for, and that is not because the movie is bad, it's just the same thing that is happening to other movies, series, cartoons & anime from the 70's, 80's or 90's: They happened in a very different world, with a very different kind of fandom. Most grown ups, would say "those were the days" when it comes to comparing what they had as growing kids, with what today's kids have now. Maybe this movie, is like the Ninja Turtles movies, or the Transformers movies: Not for everyone, specially not for those deeply infatuated by nostalgia and/or retro pop culture. If you want to see "the real thing" as hardcore fans would say, well, grab those DVDs and play them for the 100th time on your DVD player. Nevertheless, there are interesting cameos and great references to the original films (I won't spoil them for you here)

The movie opens with a quick explanation on who is who in this new film. Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig), quantum physics teacher is the new "Peter Venkman", she's written a paranormal activity book about her beliefs in Ghosts along with Abby Yates (Melissa MacCarthy) who is replacing the original "Ray Stanz" character. Some random meaningless character ask them out to check an apparently haunted mansion, and there they meet their first real life (or real dead?) ghost. Aided by do-it-yourself technology geek Jillian Holtzman (Kate McKinnon) who evidently pays homage to the cartoon version of "Egon Spengler" they embark on their quest to show the world ghosts are real. Later they're joined by Patty Tolan (Leslie Jones) who experienced paranormal activity in her former job and eventually resembles and fills "Winston Zeddemore" position in the team. Once they realize they will need extra help, they hire Kevin (Chris Hemsworth) a lazy as fuck secretary that resembles nothing the original Janine Melnitz. 

The new proton pack.

The new ECTO-1.

The plot is pretty straight forward: some wacko has built a device capable of creating a portal between the world of the living and the world of the dead, and the new Ghostbusters must find a way to stop him before it's too late and the world is taken over by ghosts. Now, if we talk retro Ghostbusters, whether is the two films or the cartoon, the plots didn't differ from this new take. The cartoon ended up being derivative but that didn't stop producers from trying new animated series. 

I think this reboot pays respectful homage to the original films in many ways, and the cameos with the original cast are really good too, so I don't see why there's a lot of butt hurt people all over the internet. However, what I do see is that the acting of the leads does seem forced to a point where the characters become parodies of themselves pretty quickly, so you can't take them seriously for too long. Also, the jokes. While some of them are funny, most of them are not as they cross the line between good and bad taste several times. You know, I'm not and old fashion fuck, we review a lot of dirtier stuff, it's just that some jokes either seem out of place or trying too hard. 

Hi, miss ghost.

I'm a DC Comics guy.

The special effects are standard CGI for this day and age, and although they're good, there's nothing new to say about this over rated technology. What I did like about this film, is how the team comes together. Unlike the original films, here there's more time spent seeing the group getting together, trying out their new toys and even not being able to afford the rent of a very familiar old firefighter's HQ. More time for developing characters is always a good thing for any kind of genre. The problem here is again, the excessive amount of unnecessary jokes, that does not allow the characters to stop being one dimensional. Even Chris Hemsworth's character is dull and one dimensional, despite the fact he is meant to be funny, we get the exact opposite due to the constant one dimension thing. These characters stay the same through the film from start to finish. 

Ghostbusters 2016 may be a great experience for newcomers, younger generations and people who have never seen the original movies (very unlikely) Having one dimensional characters strongly suggests this film was made for kids who are used to watching cartoons where the key characters have a single distinctive personality, that allows you to go to the fridge and back without getting lost in translation. If that is the intentional case of director Paul Feig, then this movie is definitely aimed at younger audiences that will crave the official merchandise after leaving the theater.

Rockstars? really?

Ghost orgy!

Is this reboot entertaining? Yes, it is. Is this reboot a masterpiece? No, it isn't and neither were the original films. Let's face it, these movies, the sci-fi genre, the super hero genre, the teen movies, all of these films have one thing in common: Marketing! these are 100% commercial films that will not only thank you for buying the theater tickets, but also will try hard to brain wash you enough to buy the home video version and lots of merchandise. I went window shopping with my wife today, and saw a pretty cool Slimer toy with sounds. See? these commercial films are not necessarily meant to be master pieces.  all these flicks work as a bridge between the film makers and your wallet. We're living a time where quality no longer applies to the film & music industry. I mean c'mon! Lorde? the only Lorde I like is the one from South Park which sarcastically criticizes the music industry as a farce.  The movie industry is no different, we're constantly told the same stories over and over with slightly minor changes, and we either don't care or don't tell.

The film industry is light years from what it once was. Reboots & remakes have been torturing us for too long now. If you can't come up with something new, try harder! we're tired of new old versions! If Ghostbusters 2016 was doomed from birth, it is merely because it is yet another remake/reboot nobody asked for. The movie industry has given us so much! there are so many great flicks that have trespassed the generational barrier for decades, so why a reboot? why a remake when the original is still fresh and as entertaining and groundbreaking as it was when it premiered years ago?

Slimer had to return!

Yes, the ghost from the Ghostbusters logo.

Now, if we try hard, and simulate the previous Ghostbusters films never happened, this reboot would make way more sense, and it would even be considered as very original horror comedy. Believe you me, this reboot is entertaining, the action scenes, the way the plot develops, some scary sequences, and a few jokes are actually very good, but as an overall experience, this is one of those films you'll forget about as soon as it's taken down from theaters worldwide. After all, a reboot cannot possibly offer anything that hasn't been done before. Had this film premiered in the late 90's, it would have been a better experience for sure. Today, in 2016 we're sick of remakes and reboots. On a yearly basis we're getting five to six films based upon something from the past with a 21st century cynical original twist. I'm not being overly critical here, I'm being realistic, and that's something I suggest we all do or sooner than later the movie industry will be all about reboots, remakes or rip-offs. Art is supposed to be creative, original and revolutionary and Ghostbusters 2016 is yet another mediocre attempt. Hollywood, please! stop investing in reboots and remakes! we're tired and want new stuff!

Oh, wait! Ghostbusters 2016 does have "new" stuff! um, well, not really, not in the original ideas department at least. Once our heroes are done, the credits feature after credit sequences, or more like within credit scenes that suggest a sequel could be on its way despite all good sense. Now don't get me wrong, the film has its moments, it's just that there are very few of them.

Here's the movie trailer:

And here's the awful as fuck updated Ghostbusters theme song by an even shittier band nobody gives a fuck about:

   

Bolero

Yeah Bo Derek in the nude!

Alright, we mildly heated things up at SPAM Alternative with our previous entry but today's entry will set thermometers sky high! If 10 launched Bo Derek's career as a big screen bombshell, 1984's Bolero certified her as a true blonde princess of sexploitation. Originally, Bolero was intended to be a rated X film, meaning there would be plenty of T & A but producers, Bo Derek and the film maker (John Derek, Bo Derek's husband) decided there was enough sex in the film so they released it unrated to avoid filming alternate scenes and to attract the growing male fandom Derek built since 10. 

Bolero follows the story of two friends who recently finished high school (private education, they're rich as hell) and set up their minds to travel the world while attempting to fulfill Linda McGillivery's (Derek's character) goal: to lose virginity over a very sexy man. Can you believe it? why in the world would she need to travel the world to find someone to fuck her good? with her steaming curves I doubt she would have made it out of high school a virgin. Anyways, Catalina (Ana Obregon) is more than willing to help her friend and they together go visit a young and wealthy sheik that could lend Linda more than a lending hand on the matter.  The sheik is more than willing but his pot smoking habits end up making him fall asleep while Linda is all wet and covered in milk & honey. Therefore, they decide to travel to Spain to find a macho torero that can fuck the shit out of her pussy.

Once they arrive in Spain, they find the perfect match and while this torero is already dating someone, he's more than willing to help.  

Finally free from high school!

If she wants a good fuck, I'll help her travel the world to find the perfect match.

Bolero like many other films, relied on rumors as publicity stunts. For instance, at that time, it was said the final sex scene wasn't simulated (you can actually see the torero's balls under Derek's bouncing ass) Also, Olivia D'abo, fourteen years old at that time, had several full frontal nudity scenes. Try doing that with today's filming standards. John Derek was so satisfied with his movie, he decided not to have early screenings of the film. Unfortunately, the movie didn't do nowhere near as expected. People bashed it, and movie goers asked for their money after leaving the theaters while the film was an hour away from being over. Bolero was nominated for several Golden Raspberry AKA Razzie awards in 1984. Such awards are the opposite of being chosen for good work, so there's nothing honorable about been nominated. 

Despite the terrible ratings, John Derek would still find deals to make more movies with her wife. Nevertheless, Bolero was his last film made with a Hollywood sized budget.  If 10 was criticized for not featuring enough T & A, Bolero clearly had that fixed, but the lacking of a good story telling, a decent plot and well, good acting made it fail despite all the tits, pussies & asses on screen. 

The sheik is a stoner.

Don't worry Linda, we'll find you a hard cock.

To be fair, Bolero plays like any other softcore/sexploitation flick would do, an onion thin plot to justify all the nude scenes. The problem is, sexploitation films aren't necessary smart. When you try a smart, artsy perspective for an erotic movie where it's audience it's mostly males looking for an excuse to either masturbate or convince their girlfriends that casual fucking is really good, you simply don't know your audience. Bo Derek may be super beautiful but she can't act. To make matters worse, trying to convince the audience she's portraying a virgin it's completely impossible. How many times have you seen a virgin traveling the world for a good fuck with wealthy men?  Well, maybe you have, but there are way better sexploitation films out there. Oh, wait! I get it! Bo Derek's are a special kind of erotic genre where there's morals and taste for the sex scenes!  

In the early 80's porn wasn't a free online 24/7 service a click away from your filthy hands. Video rental stores where huge, and no under aged young man would dare renting a porno or erotic film because everyone would find out about your dirty habits. I'm pretty sure Bolero belongs in that category, and sadly in that bygone era.  The whole vibe the movie delivers is "this is the erotic film your girlfriend would watch because there's a smart plot, and friendship, and romance" Maybe in the 80's innocent girlfriends would buy the idea of an erotic movie made for those who are not perverted minds but young dreamy newbies searching for marriage and a functional family through a one night stand anal sex adventure with a money shot ending. 

Hey Linda, I hear you wanna get defiled.

How you like that rich bitch?

Erotic films are really hard to made in this day and age. What separates them from pornography? what makes them appealing to wider audiences? why would you want an erotic film as foreplay instead of a straight porno flick? Very difficult questions, the answers are obviously varied and there are no right or wrong answers. Everything depends on the eye of the beholder. Some say, erotic films are made for women because they feature a romance story and all the sex scenes are beautifully orchestrated, while a softcore flick or straight porno is clearly designed for male audiences because we're easy on the eye, and T & A will keep us interested for 90 minutes even if the film is as bad as a Michael Bay Transformers film. 

Wrong! women watch softcore & porn films too! and they do it more often than you think. The world is constantly changing for the better or worse, and today standards do not apply to films from past decades. Bolero is clearly a product of its time.  In the 70's sexploitation and porn films were sleazy and didn't care for the beauty of the love scenes. In the 80's they tried stating erotic movies could be art pieces and/or smart films only people with a mind ahead of their time would understand. The same happened with the legendary porn film Deep Throat which opened doors for "smarter" porn films.

Gratuitous nudity.

Oh my god! that cock is gigantic!

If you happen to be a newcomer in the sexploitation genre, Bo Derek will clearly find her way in your constant search for the most important actresses of the genre, and maybe Bolero is the best film out of the few she did while she was still considered the latest Hollywood bombshell. However, most of the sexploitation starlets share  the same fate Bo Derek had: a short lived career. 

A few paragraphs above I mentioned this movie had romance, and it is true in a certain way. Derek's character behaves mostly like the woman of every man's fantasy: a Sex craving woman. Now, for the most part every female character follows the same thread during the movie. Every girl gets shagged with the only exception being Paloma (Olivia D'abo) which for obvious reasons (she was 15 years old during the filming) who only dreams about belonging to a man.  What kills this film is what essentially killed 10 too: a main character who spends 90% of the film with a careless free spirit personality that opposes entirely the grand finale where she marries the man she barely knows. A couple of good fucks won't take you to the altar I'm pretty sure of that but what the hell, the film plot is a joke. As soon as the film begins she gets naked just because, so why won't she fuck the men she already knows through her private school? Nah! she's rich and eccentric, so she needs to travel abroad to find a good piece of dick. Millionaire dick I might add. She won't shag a hobo! only sheiks and rich bullfighters who own the most expensive horses and vineyards. 

Look at me!

I need your jizz.

The stereotype of a rich eccentric girl has been exploited hundred of times in cinema before, and still is. The sexploitation films are just like a superhero flick, they end up being derivative, cliched and boring. Even for the most enthusiast sexploitation fan enough is enough sometimes. 

All in all, Bo Derek films are nothing but a good publicity stunt, there really isn't anything interesting and worth your time. The fact that she can be nude during her films isn't that surprising either. Without good writing a character is doomed, no matter how hot she looks, we still need a minimum substance to grab onto in order to fully enjoy a movie that I'm sure was intended to be entertaining but got lost in the middle for several reasons.

Extasy!

Steamy pussy!

What about the hyped sex scene at the ending? is it true it was real sex? Man! a connoisseur knows better! of course this wasn't real sex! the brief scene where Derek's ass bounces over the bullfighter balls is a very old trick in sexploitation films. 

Verdict? Bolero is one of the worst films I've ever watched, and believe you me, I've seen a lot of awful films that are way better than this one.  If you wanna know who she was, Bolero is the least boring crap out of the big pile of dookie films she starred.

Finally, Bo Derek is only a beautiful body. Her acting is terrible, she can't even pretend to be horny during the sex scenes, instead of cumming she looks like she's either laughing or in pain. Also her moves during the sex scenes are so fucking fake! man! even a real life virgin can tell that's not the way you fuck! If you want a real life lesson, here's a good one: the looks may take you to some places, but in the end skills will get you through the rest of your life, and obviously Derek didn't get that far.

Here's the movie trailer:

 

10

Exploitation with Bo Derek.

OK, I know I've said this before but, from now on, no more superhero films, I promise. The hype has served us well enough so we can finally move on to what made our blog what it is today: Exploitation films! So far, we've been into a huge selection from the most relevant to the most obscure cult exploitation flicks you can think of. Today we enter the career of a promising early 80's bombshell, whose legacy lives on in the very few films she performed as the leading beauty actress. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in many years, Bo Derek enters our cult films selection!

10 is a 1979 adult comedy film directed by Blake Edwards and starred by Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews & Bo Derek and follows the story of George Webber (Moore) a famous composer piano player who's facing a midlife crisis torn between his growing love for Samantha Taylor (Andrews), his long time actress girlfriend, and the illusion of a mysterious perfect woman that goes by the name of Jenny Hanley (Derek) Although nostalgia, and weak memory can play tricks on everyone, 10, is not as erotic as you may think, and that's ironic because Derek's sex symbol status is attributed to this film. Nevertheless, her later movies would make it up to sexploitation fans and her blonde sex bombshell status would live up to tell the tale today in 2016, 37 years after her golden debut. 

Torn between old and new.

Well, let's pick new.

But, who is Bo Derek? Bo Derek (born Mary Cathleen Collins; November 20, 1956) is an American film and television actress, movie producer, and model perhaps best known for her breakthrough role in the 1979 film 10. The film also launched a bestselling poster for Derek in a swimsuit, and subsequently she became one of the most popular sex symbols in the 1980s. She was directed by husband John Derek in Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981), Bolero (1984) and Ghosts Can't Do It (1989), none of which were critically well-received. However, they feature plenty of Derek's anatomy, so watching them despite the critics is still pleasant on the eye. Further reviews of her infamous filmography will be soon added to our blog. 

10 is a fantastic example of what exploitative marketing can do to a mediocre film that hasn't aged very well. Although posters, ads and trailers suggest this film has Bo Derek all over, that is far from the truth. Her role is barely that of supporting cast and she's not in the nude enough time. Actually, she's briefly nude in a couple of very quick scenes (one being with the lights out) She doesn't get much dialog either. Webber (the main character) spends his days facing a boring midlife crisis and deciding whether is worth to be in a relationship that is more intellectual than physical. In the meantime, his neighbor surely knows how to throw a party, as he's constantly surrounded by beautiful naked women willing to have sex at any time. Webber, prefers to sit back and drink while watching the spectacle through his telescope. 

A victim of the blue balls disease.

Holy shit! They're going bukake!

The haunting image of the mysterious young bride (Derek) haunts him long enough as to find her whereabouts via her father (who happens to be Webber's dentist) Soon enough, he's miserable & drunk enough to fly to the Virgin Islands in order to find the girl of his wet dreams.  The problem is, she's married to Flash Gordon!!! (well, to Sam J. Jones) So, will the girl choose an old miserable musician over a young muscular stallion? 

The problem 10 has, is that there are many movies dealing with the same "old man's midlife crisis, old man's find young fuckable girl, old man's cum all over her body" and with a modest budget have accomplished outstanding results while being very straight to the point in filming terms. 10 seems to try too hard to move itself a step above the sexploitation films from the 70's. Trying to make a clever sexploitation film can be a very bad idea. In other words, 10 is about a man who is horny as hell, and wants badly to fuck younger more attractive women without the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship burdens because his girlfriend doesn't seem to be too interested in a good old fuck. The story of a smart successful wealthy musician living in a world of sophisticated boredom makes no sense. I mean, if he's wealthy enough, he should be throwing sex parties like his neighbor every weekend! 

Your neighbor knows better.

Yes, he does.

So, if Mr. Webber is so desperate to get a good fuck, he simply needs to go to his neighbor, knock the door and say the magic words "I'm famous & wealthy and need a good fuck" and problem solved! Of course, that would mark the end of the movie and Bo Derek wouldn't get much attention, wouldn't she? 

So, as the onion thin plot develops, our blue balls musician manages to get a room in the same hotel our newly wed sex bombshell is spending her honey moon weekend. However, Webber is an idiot, a multi millionaire loser who prefers to get wasted drinking every night while peeping tom his prey. Later, his blue balls disease becomes so painful he actually sees an opportunity to  talk to his blonde dream girl. Flash Gordon (her boyfriend) falls asleep on his surfboard while floating away deeper and deeper into the sea, so our resourceful hero, rents a boat and saves the boy! Reason enough to make Jenny (Derek) thank him for saving his adrift husband.  

C'mon Webber, let us take care of that cock for you.

So, do you girls spit or swallow?

Later that night, Webber pays a little visit to Jenny's (Room 420!) and is offered the chance of a lifetime: Dinner, marijuana and sex! His dreams are about to happen as Jenny reveals herself to be a very open minded person who enjoys fucking different men because it's good enough for her!  and nothing could make her hornier than fucking while listening to Ravel's Bolero which  remains one of the most expensive songs to use for film and TV to date; the rights cost more than $25,000. According to SACEM, the French equivalent of ASCAP, Ravel's estate earns more royalties than any other French composer! 

Finally, when things are actually looking bright for Webber, he turns off a good fuck because he thinks Jenny wants a serious relationship with him instead of a one night stand. While she reveals, she's interested only in casual sex, he turns her down and decides to leave! Man! you fucking read that right! the point he was trying to make during the whole movie gets completely wasted by the man himself! Jesus fucking Christ! Jenny was all nude and wet, ready to get a big load of jizzy love and everything goes to waste because our lead character is only interested if she commits herself to a serious relationship! what a bummer! what a let down! what a major disappointment!  

I'm hungry for cum, do you have some for me?

All I want is a good casual fuck.

Overall, 10 is a film that didn't live up to the myth. Derivative, boring, pretentious and with a plot that is completely screwed up by the end of the movie where our lead character undoes everything he was looking for during the whole movie. This movie isn't sexy either, there are too few sex scenes and nudity isn't enough too. Bo Derek's debut is deserving of a big meh! she neither has enough lines to say, nor she is as nude as publicity stunts lead you to think. If you want to see her in the nude and in hotter scenes, watch her later films. 10 is like a PG rated sexploitation film you could easily watch in a sunday afternoon with your grandparents and nephews and no one would be shocked. Unfortunately, 10 is now nothing but a dated forgettable film, and considering this the biggest Bo Derek's film, it can only mean that she is also dated and going straight to the annals of oblivion sooner than later.

10 in one word? Over rated (well, that's two words)  Expect reviews of her later films simply because they were hotter and featured a lot more sex & gratuitous nudity.

Here's the movie trailer: