Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

There will be blood once more.

Did you think I would miss the chance of posting a Friday the 13th review on a Friday the 13th? No fucking way! In the past we've reviewed the first four films of the saga, 1980's original Friday the 13th, 1981's Friday the 13th part II, 1982' Friday the 13th part III 3D, and 1984's Friday the 13th part IV: The Final Chapter. The fourth installment in the Jason Voorhees saga was supposed to be the real final chapter but calling it quits with the most promising slasher character of all time proved to be an impossible thing to do, spawning a lot of sequels, a sequel and even a crossover with a Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddy Kruger. 

The status of Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning as the least popular film in the series has always frustrated and perplexed me. Masterfully directed by Danny Steinmann, it is a supremely entertaining exploitation slasher film. The most common reasons given seem to be: (a) there's not enough gore (b) the story is stupid/the acting isn't very good (c) Jason isn't in the movie(oops! spoiler!). Of course, none of these explanations is valid. First of all, if gore alone is your litmus test to determine whether or not a film is enjoyable, you should probably steer clear of the entire Friday The 13th series, as well as any movie that has been subjected to the wacky ratings system and experienced a wide theatrical release. Go watch… I don't know… a Guinea Pig film. A New Beginning has as much gore as any of the Friday films. If a strong plot and acting of the highest caliber is important to you… well, let's be honest, criticizing A New Beginning for its silly plot is like dismissing Van Gogh because you don't like the color yellow. You're missing the point. Yes, I sort of understand the complaint that Jason isn't in the movie, as he is my favorite of the classic maniacs. (Cropsy, Marty, Michael Meyers, and Angela round out the top five.) But his absence alone shouldn't ruin the whole movie for you. I'd rather watch an entertaining movie that alludes to, yet doesn't feature the actual Jason, as opposed to a boring movie that completely screws up his mythology. (Here's a clue. It comes after VIII and before X.)

Teens, Jason's favorite meal.

Look at this mess!

Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning works because it takes the elements that make a good slasher film and completely exaggerates them. All irony aside, A New Beginning is a trashy, sleazy, exploitative masterpiece. The very premise of having "Jason" hack up a group of mentally-ill teens, which includes two nymphomaniacs, an angry sociopath, a chocolate loving man child, a new-wave goth who likes to dance, and a stutterer, is indicative of the sick-minded, oozy greatness of this movie. Jesus, I haven't even touched upon the mother-son hillbilly biker duo or Demon! This movie has more great characters than the entire Halloween series combined! Are you not entertained by Demon in his "sh*tbox" singing "Oooh, Oooh, Baby…. Oooh, Oooh, Baby" to his sexy girlfriend before being impaled? How could this be? Are you made of stone? Are you? Do you not enjoy watching Violet, who is the most uniquely attractive female in the entire Friday series, do the robot to Pseudo Echo before being killed? I love her with all my heart. What about Ethel and Junior, the most vile, hate-filled, "loony" hating hicks to ever interact with a stained voyeur-drifter? Junior's decapitation, after being pummeled by Tommy following a prank which consisted of shining a light in his eyes, is a fitting end for the angry dullard. Oh, and Vic? The greatest red herring in slasher history. He violently kills Joey after the overweight stereotype accuses him of being "out of line." Harsh words from a strange man!

The number of kills in this movie dwarf the previous Friday record. (Subsequent sequels had more, but, with the exception of Jason X… another unjustly maligned classic… not by much.) The fact that most of these kills are peripheral to the story, unnecessary, and hilarious only adds to their quality. Case in point, the hideously obnoxious, cocaine-addicted mental health worker Billy who picks up Lana the waitress at the diner. She who proceeds to get naked while saying "It's showtime!" to herself in the mirror. You don't see the entertainment value in that, my friends? Following this odd display, a cat bafflingly drops from above and bounces clumsily and hard off a booth. It was a cheap shock and laugh at the same time! Shortly thereafter, Billy and Lana are both killed with enough blood to make it all worthwhile. That entire scene is mesmerizing. And let's not forget the two jerks with the broken down car who appear earlier in the film. They're greasers! Greasers! 

This is a nice idea for a Mortal Kombat move.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I watch slasher films not for genuine scares or insightful twists, but to be entertained. And I am usually entertained by their exploitative depths, bloody action, nudity, uniquely stupid characters, and the basest nihilism of it all. I simply cannot see how anyone could argue A New Beginning doesn't contain every single one of these qualities in excess. It's a sleazy, vicious, offensive slasher that epitomizes everything that makes the genre popular. The time has come to re-evaluate this amazing film and give Steinmann the credit he deserves. 

What else? oh sure! let me explain my point. Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning features a fresh plot that can easily revive what Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter promised to finish off.  Unlike previous films from the franchise, people know about Jason Voorhees and his infamous Crystal Lake murders, so that allows writers to come up with an unexpected new approach. Since, our characters are all part of a mental recovery program far from the city, they all hold a darker side in their personalities, specially, our main character Tommy Jarvis (played by John Shepherd and 80's star Corey Feldman in the flashback opening scene) who in the past witnessed the return of Jason Voorhees and escaped by killing him. Obviously, this traumatized him and turn into an unstable person who likes making horror movies masks just for the fun of it. Oh! let's not forget he's constantly attacked by Jason in vivid visions that fade with medical aid only. Could he be connected to Jason? Could he be the re-incarnation of Jason? Watch the movie!

Brave boobs.

A fight to the death!

The rest of the characters don't seem to be as troubled as Tommy is but, this movie is full of surprises. As a matter of fact, there is a key scene that, when watching it for the first time, you would never guess how fucking important it is in the climax.  Melanie Kinnaman, plays Pam, the blonde bombshell who's in charge of the recovery center, and as you can see in the photos above this paragraph, she's not afraid of getting wet while fighting for her life, while showing you her perfectly round tits. 

Anyways, this film would mark the return of the saga to healthy sands and the story told here was supposed to allow more sequels, which in a way, did happen but with changes that I believe, grounded the idea presented here. This is a 1985 movie so I doubt there would be any necessity of giving you spoiler warnings. As stated in the second and third paragraph, Jason Voorhees came back to life BUT he was killed by a 12 year old version of Tommy Jarvis. In F13th Part V, the killer is not the original Jason Voorhees, in fact, the murderer is nothing but a convenient mockery  at the original killer in order to distract the police and scare the victims with ease. 

Does this bikini make me look like a girl to kill for?

In the mood for murderous nudity.

The climax of F13th Part V, offers an open ending that would set the rules for the following sequels but, for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives,  the script was changed and instead of following what started in Part V, they listened to haters and trolls who bashed part V for not featuring the real Jason Voorhees. To me, in a personal level, the franchise died with Part V, as the sequels ended up being PG rated self parodies that had nothing new to offer but a huge chunk of plot holes and terrible acting that sank Voorhees under Crystal lake for good. 

a PG rated slasher? yes, you read that right, Part VI, VII & VIII were all PG rated films lacking everything that makes a slasher film, a slasher film! no gory murders!, no sex, no gratuitous nudity, no plot twists, no goose bumps, no nothing. So, if you're still one of the few people who haven't watched F13th Part V, please do it as soon as you can, you won't regret it, the story is good enough to keep from falling asleep, and the slasher cliches are all there. 

it's a nice morning for some swallowing some jizz.

Mirror, mirror.

Overall, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning is the sequel that had it all to take the story to new frontiers, while keeping most of the elements that made the previous films so popular. Nevertheless, since Part V is part of a list of sequels, the movie seems to be out of place only because it doesn't actually feature Jason Voorhees, and by the way it ends, which fosters the chance of a new killer inheriting the infamous hockey mask. Hardcore fans bashed it, producers listened, and they made disastrous sequels featuring the original Jason Voorhees just because. 

Anyways, have a nice Friday the 13th and be careful, there could be a Jason wannabe out there tonight!

Here's the movie trailer:

Friday the 13th, the Final Chapter

Liar, Liar.

Hello fellow movie connoisseurs from all around the globe. Today's entry will take us to the unfortunate reality of the movie industry. Producers knew for sure that the Friday the 13th saga had become a money maker and they just wouldn't let it go until the last asshole dollars buying a ticket in the longest row for the latest Friday chapter was done. In the latest past reviews I told you about how clever was the F13 production team to add new elements within each new release, but anxious fans wouldn't let go so easily of the facts that made F13 so popular:

Friday the 13th Unquestionable truths: 

1. Crystal Lake Camp: the setting for teens partying hard, and of course home of the brave Jason Voorhees. 

2. Jason Voorhees, and his vendetta against teenagers who like to camp, get wasted and fuck.

Audiences knew what to expect from a F13 film, and they just wouldn't stand any changes to the following F13 commandments:

A) New teens in a new movie with their little or no background story.

B)Teens getting killed. Jason to be held responsible for the killings. 

Any deviation from this formula would not be tolerated. After all, it had made the film makers & producers rich enough to agree to a whole legion of close minded fans. We already know the "all good things come to an end" shit, so F13 had to met its destiny just like any human creation. And so in 1984, with a heavy heart and grand sendoff, Paramount Pictures, along with producer Frank Mancuso Jr., director Joseph Zito and writers Barney Cohen and Bruce Hidemi Sakow bid a fond, tearful farewell to the most beloved cash machine this side of Vegas could deliver by releasing Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. This would be the finale of the series (yeah, movie makers were really pulling our legs, weren't they?) and the be-all to end all for everyone's favorite hockey-masked mad serial killer...Jason Voorhees.

Director Joseph Zito had a curriculum of horror flicks before & since F 13 part IV. He merged his experience with part IV's script to deliver us from evil for once and for all.

Billy Corgan's cameo.

"I've never tried fisting before but, if it's ok with you dear Jason."

Let's play some videogames you nerdy boy!

Friday the 13th, The Final Chapter opens up with a montage of scenes set around the campfire story told in Part II, with scenes from the last three films cut in so as to illustrate Jason Voorhees' rise to stardom. I found the opening sequence a bit too boring for someone who's already seen F13 past films. Perhaps for those still hesitant of getting into the F13 world, such opening sequence would be interesting enough to get them straight into part IV. If only the whole movie was as fast paced as the flashback opening sequence I would definitely state that this is the best movie from the saga, and even if it wasn't it is my damn duty to review this B movie cause I love it just as much as Bill Gates loves waking up in the morning knowing Steve Jobs is dead.


Can we expect any news in this F13 sequel? well, the plot hasn't changed since the very fist movie - the only difference is we pick up from the very end of Part III where Jason's body is loaded up and taken to the city morgue.

Is Jason Voorhees dead? no, he is not. But, as the movie poster promises "this is the one you've been screaming for" Soon after Jason's apparently dead corpse is taken to the local hospital's morgue we find out he's been waiting for the right moment to be back in business. After getting rid of horny medical couple, Jason escapes his near-death experience, to return to Crystal lake, you know, home is where the heart is Jason's mum head is.


Of course, besides Jason Voorhees coming home, there are also headed to nowhere are a gaggle of stereotype teenagers heading his way too. They soon arrive in camp blood and meet a functional family that lives next door.

1984 was quite a prolific year for the world of movies. Films like GhostBusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Karate Kid and The Terminator were sold out blockbusters and F13, The Final Chapter had its part, becoming the highest-grossing horror movie of the year, out-performing even A Nightmare on Elm Street and Children of the Corn, which had their own legacies, sequels and so forth.

But to what end? When you make a series that has no growth, no development, no characters and no differences in plot from film to film, it reduces your regular movie-goers to freaky dudes marching off like mindless zombies after buying their movie tickets. Such zombies neither care about the film quality nor whether the film is entertaining or pure boredom.They just came to see Jason do his thing one more time (and probably checking out hot ladies getting either nude or fuck) but if you're not a zombie, it is natural for you to expect new territories in part IV. However, the movie is just a display of the best elements each prequel had, some kind of F13 greatest hits movie.

Trick or treat?

I may not look as cool as Freddy but still, I rock!

Got something in my eye.

So, in essence, the Friday the 13th saga is about a mentally-disturbed bastard who kills teenagers not only because they let him drown as a child but also because one killed his mother. and later generations of stupid teenagers go to the same camp to face the same fate. Just like generations of teenagers flock to the same theaters to see the same movie made and remade - from 1980 to today. And yet we consider our human race as the smartest. I've never seen my dog watching a remake, seriously he's the one telling me what to do in my blog.

Now, the inevitable round of questions: 

1) Is there anything good about Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? Only if you're into gore effects. 

2) Is there any good acting in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? Yes, if you consider screaming like mad as award winning acting.

3) Are there any memorable scenes in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? 

Only the beginning montage and maybe Crispin's later dance scene at The Lake house. However the girls and their nude scenes are really hot, because the gals they picked for this film are really really good at it.

Nude teens are never enough.

See the tits?

Tits, tits everywhere!

Shower fuck, a classic.

As you may have already guessed, Friday the 13th did not stop here. In spite of this being called The Final Chapter, who in their right mind would stop things now, just when they were really taking off, money-wise? Not Paramount, not Mancuso and certainly not any other suit who had anything to do with this franchise. They went on to make six more movies in the series, a TV show that lasted for three seasons and a movie reboot with the only good thing about it being huge tits & ass.

This, however, was about as huge as Friday the 13th got. Never again would the series enjoy as huge a cast of up-and-comers as here. Never again would it have a makeup effects man as enthusiastic about his craft as Tom Savini (he made Jason, he killed Jason) Never again would it be trusted after being caught in so blatant a lie as this. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was neither a stopping point nor a turning point, it wasn't even a rest stop! It was a bump in the road for a series that made blood, stupid teens & masked killers the signature element of hundreds of teen horror flicks. Sadly, F13 met its maker and became a parody of itself, providing the world industry with an extended list of horror clichés.

Here's the movie trailer:

Friday the 13th part III 3D

It's 3D killing time!

If I asked my little brother about 3D technology he most definitely would answer "Yeah, videogames, Toy Story, Shrek and did I mention videogames?" Little he knows that the 3D technology is one of the many crazy ideas that were born in the 80's. He would reply "Alright, but 3D movies are the latest trend" Wrong again little fella. It just so happens that 3D technology was already exploited in 80's cinema and TV. Of course, only going to the movies you could experience a real 3D trip. Who doesn't remember those red & blue glasses? I do, and as a matter of fact, I own six pairs of them.  Back then in the 80's we were ages from having 3D TV and 3D blu-ray players but I guarantee you that those red & blue glasses did their job. 

"No more bags in my head, I'm fond of hockey you know"

"hello there, I'm Jason and you're dead"

After the huge success of Friday the 13th, Part I the sequel was obvious and necessary, so producers thought it would be fairly interesting to have Jason Voorhees back from the death to continue the body count, and so begins the Jason legend. Despite being relatively succesful, Friday the 13th, Part II didn't make Jason earn extra Benjamins, so he was still unmasked and wearing clothes that made him look like the first Grunge rock act. In part II the killings got better, meaning that they got gorier, although censorship cut some of the more explicit scenes. Part III felt like a natural job to do as Jason was becoming a cult icon of horror. However, producers did know what to do. They didn't want to continue with a psycho/schyzo killer doing his thing just like he did in the past movie, so they had to come up with some new elements to bring joy to us, the movie freaks. Producers updated the experience with uncensored gory killings, gratoutious nudity a la 70's exploitation and probably the two most interesting new elements: making the whole film in 3D and turning Jason from a hillbilly type o' slaughter to the legendary killer status he now has.   

Updated killings.

a Great scene to watch on 3D.

My head hurts!

Part III starts right after police is searching for the killer that caused massive death in the crystal lake camp. What they don't know is that Jason has moved into another camp: Higgins Haven. Again we meet with a group of teenagers looking forward to get laid and have some fun, you know just your average teen stereotype. Among them, are Shelly who enjoys immature practical jokes, a newly pregnant girl, a hippie couple who are constantly ensconced in a cloud of pot smoke and the emotionally damaged Chris, who loves Crystal Lake but has terrible memories of it. It seems that, some time ago, Chris was attacked in the woods by a man with a terribly deformed face. During the attack she passed out and woke up the next morning, safe in her own bed at home. She is not entirely convinced that it was all a dream, and so decides that a weekend at her former haven may just be what she needs to deal with the past. Unfortunately, it was not a dream, as all of us already knew. The man who attacked her was Jason Voorhees, and no sooner do the kids settle in and start partying and screwing than he shows up, ready for some post-coital killings. First to go is an obnoxious trio of motorcycle thugs who harassed our heroes. Then good old Jason gets right down to what he does best: stabbing, skewering, bisecting and impaling anyone who is stupid enough to wander off alone and wait for him to approach. 

Good old shower scene.

Overall, a decent sequel which has the added value of seeing Jason Voorhees wear his signature hockey mask for the first time, plus the uncensored gory deaths and the 3D tech, that enhances the killings by a 100%. Go watch it now if you still haven't!

Here's the movie trailer:

Friday the 13th Part II

"The body count continues"

Today we return to Crystal Lake camp, AKA Camp Blood to witness the very first adventure starred by the legendary Jason Voorhees. After the immediate success of Friday the 13th Part I it became an obligation for the film makers to turn a one night horror flick into a bloody franchise Writers, directors & producers made the smartest move they could for a horror film that seemed to be over. Part II wasn't going to become a clichéd version of itself. There was neither a return, nor a magical revival  of the schyzo mum we all wouldn't like as a mother for ourselves. In part I this bloody mum explained how her little son Jason Voorhess drowned in Crystal lake while everyone around seemed to be having fun with some dirty sex. So, as now you can easily guess part II would take us into the psycho world of little Jason Voorhees a child who likes to play tough. 

Friday the 13th Part II not only introduced us to Jason Voorhees but it also introduced us to some new elements that would become mandatory in this kind of teenage horror flicks: extremely violent deaths (in those days these kind of scenes belonged exclusively to gore films alone) and of course teenage getting wasted and having either nude scenes or sex scenes. So if you kids happened to have watched 80's horror flicks and thought sex  & blood were an invention of other films you have just met your maker: Friday the 13th Part II.

Now, let's get down to business. The movie is set five years after the first movie massacre, and to tell us the origin story we revisit the past with part one's hero Alice  and her dreams (or nightmares for that matter) After we refresh our minds and see Alice die, we meet a new generation of teens looking forward for the fun only mother nother nature  can deliver. These teens know about the legend of Camp Blood, so they stay in a different place by the same Crystal lake area. However, being close to such an evil place is not a good idea as Jason Voorhees is stalking the scene. Obviously, after so many years of Friday the 13th movies, connoisseurs will not be surprised with the elements this movie depicts, but if  you're yet to become a Friday the 13th fan let me tell you that this movie is not clichéd, this is the trend setter for clichés in horror movies. 

Jason's mum hasn't aged!

Jason didn't have enough money to afford a hockey mask.

Is part II better than part I? Although both movies are part of a saga, they hare very different from each other. Part I was all about an insane frigid bitch, while part II is about the apparently "dead" son she lost in a camp weekend. Both stories share the vacation setting next to crystal lake and the camp adventures but part II is definitely updated in terms of the gore and nudity.This is an underrated sequel, definitely. It's well made, with 2 relatively strong leads, and a very suspenseful and scary finale!. Jason is a bit of a weakling in this one, and is probably the weakest Jason in the series. i really liked a few of the characters, but of course as in all Friday the 13th movies some are just there to get killed off. There is a fair amount of nudity, and there is a couple pretty cool death scenes as well, however the ending was kinda cheesy, and a lot of the death scenes were cut due to censorship, but i really enjoyed this sequel overall. Steve Miner, the film director does a very good job here, creating a few scares, and lots of suspense,in the finale however it did take a while to get going, and the ending could have been better, but overall a very good job. There is a bit of gore. but way too many off screen murders!. We get a severed head in a fridge, another severed head, ice pick in the side of the head (off screen),throat cut by barbed wire (off screen ATF), gory mangled dog, double impaling, machete in the face(cut),hammer in the back of the head (cut), bloody slit throat, 2 bloody stabbings, bloody corpses, machete in the shoulder, Axe in the leg,and a machete in the neck.

Nightswimming.

Nude nightswimming.

80's Bush.

See the bush?

Jason unmasked.

The Acting is what you can expect from this kind of movies, everyone does their with a fair amount of talent. The gals are all pretty hot, although only Kirsten Baker does get a full nude scene. Jason Voorhees looks and feels as if he was just getting into the killing thing, so every move he does sort of feel amateur  in comparison to the next sequels where Jason is definitely the strongest, meanest character in a hockey mask. The rest of the cast is average teenage stereotype kind. The cons from this flick are the cut death scenes, the slow paced storytelling where nothing seems to happen up until the movie is minutes close to the climax. The pros are the music score, which is probably one of the most intense I've listened to in a horror flick, something I wanted to say because without such a powerful score the movie would have been sitting ducks badly. Another good element is the camera work that makes us see through Jason's eyes everytime he's stalking his victims, although the abuse of it may seem boring at times. And last but not least, we have Jason's house in the middle of Crystal Lake forest, where he's built a temple to worship his late mother (yes he owns her rotten head and sweater and puts them on an altar)

Overall, a movie that is on the way to make Friday the 13th a succesful saga, we still don't have the tall and mean Jason Voorhees that wears his signature hockey mask and scares the shit out of you. Although it is one of the weakest movies from the saga, it is still worth watching to understand the evolution of an iconic character in the world of horror films.

Here's the movie trailer: 

Friday the 13th

I love this kind of posters.

When today's audiences think of Friday the 13th, they instantly recall "the guy with the hockey mask, what's his name? Mason?" but connoisseurs will know for sure that Friday the 13th started a bloody gory saga without the man in the mask. Friday the 13th, released in 1980 is probably one of the greatest teen horror flicks ever made to date. It's not campy as its many imitators, it's dark, mysterious and has plenty of attention getters to avoid you from walking straight to your fridge for another cold beer can.

Newcomers would also think "oh yeah, these were the lake camp movies were there was plenty of nude girls and sex" while on the other hand connoisseurs would definitely state those were merely cheap exploitation tricks. Masterfuly directed by Sean S. Cunningham this movie is a must for every single human being standing still on this planet.The storyline is quite simple. One summer at Camp Crystal Lake, a group of young counselors begin to get ready to lead campers. Unfortunately for the former, someone isn't happy about what's going on in the camp and enjoys playing Kill the Counselor. As bodies fall to the ground in the camp, no one is safe, and that's pretty much it. I bet the few remaining human beings that have not already seen this classic are like "shit, another shitty teen horror flick" I tell you guys, you're in for a special treat. what makes Friday the 13th a good movie it is neither in the storyline nor in the plot, it is the wonderful movie directing, how the scenes are all intertwined and how do we get to see through the unknown killer's eyes every bloody murder. Thousands of movie directors have tried hard to accomplish such a brilliant camera work but, they have failed miserably.

The gory scenes are really good.

Welcome to hell.

Owned!

As usual with this kind of exploitation flicks, we don't expect to find great actors worth of portraying Shakespeare material, instead we just find actors that fit their little roles ok. The exception to the rule here is Betsy Palmer, whos Pamela Voorhees impersonation does give you the creeps. Although she shows up in the climax moment of the film, her in screen minutes aren't wasted. She plays the psycho freak behind the teen murders, and also in case you're a complete moron, she happens to be Jason Voorhees mom (yeah, the guy with the hockey mask)

But what about Jason yo? Hush, little buddies! hush! The story introduces us to the saga! we get a tasty bite, not the whole cake. In fact, we get to know that Jason drowned in Crystal lake while most of the young counselors were fucking, so that kind of explains while Jason and his Mom like to kill young couples fucking, or about to fuck. What we don't seem to understand completely is why Jason's mom is walking free, since everyone around Crystal lake know about the murders. Probably, this was intended to, so that we could make our own tasty theories about it. Jason? oh, Jason. He does show up by the end of the film, but he's unmasked. 

Jason!

Jason dude, wear a mask!

I'm Jason's mom, I taught him everything he knows.

Then, tell me about sex and nude sluts! Sorry guys, part I doesn't have a single sex or nudity scene, but they're not necessary so rest assured my friends. 

Here's the movie trailer: