Superman VS Spiderman XXX, a Porn Parody

Just like the original 70's comic book cover.

Adult film parodies have become so commonplace these days, that they even have their own awards with the X-Rated Critics Organization (a highly educated elite of masturbators). You can name practically any TV show or movie and there’s a porn parody for it, and there is no man in the adult industry who does them with more (figurative and literal) passion and attention to detail than our friend Axel Braun, winner of the 2012 XRCO Best Director-Parody award and 2012 AVN Awards Director of the Year, both for Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody.

The original comic book which inspired the parody.

Superman knows he can beat the shit out of Spidey.

Superman VS Spiderman XXX, a Porn Parody brings us a fresh new adventure in the world of porn superheroes. Okay, not really. Porn director Axel Braun (not his real name, I’m guessing), who has apparently been making a killing putting out these superhero porn parodies in the last few years is the guy behind the camera in this DC & Marvel comics crossover. The guy’s so big now that his porn movies actually carry his name in the title. In any case, if you ever wanted to see the Last Son of Krypton battle the Arachnid Knight, well, this is your movie. Plus, if you’re into people having sex, this is your movie, too. And if you happen to be into both of those things, well hell, then this will really be your movie.

Lois Lane finds her way to destroy Lex Luthor.

Yes Luthor cum inside me!

The classic 1976 superhero crossover gets the XXX spoof treatment, courtesy of the adult powerhouse Vivid Entertainment. When Doc Ock and Lex Luthor join forces to defeat their nemesis, Spidey and the Man of Steel meet for the first time and must work together to foil the evil duo’s nefarious plans for world domination. Ryan Driller and Xander Corvus reprise their award-winning roles, and headline an all-star cast that includes Alexis Texas, Andy San Dimas, Capri Anderson, Kagney Linn Karter, Jenna Presley as Spider-Woman and an astounding Jazy Berlin as Black Cat. With lavish production values, spectacular VFX, and Braun’s legendary attention to detail, this movie may be one of the higlights of the porn industry in 2012. However, that doesn't mean the movie is entertaining. The problem with porn movies is that basically, they're porn movies. The more porn film makers try to add a consistent plot to their collection of sex scenes, the more they seem to fail. The average porn fan doesn't care for plot at all as long as the performers "look" convincing in their depraved roles. I for one, don't consider myself as an avid fan of porn movies. In fact I think I'm just an ocassional visitor in the world of porn, unless it is 70's sexploitation, that's my thing!

Supergirl saves the day!

Lesbian Super hero 69.

Anyways, I'm just saying, if you're going to make a parody about characters that do have a consistent storyline you should at least try to imitate some of that genuine comic book magic. I guess I just grown tired of XXX parodies as they all have performers dressed up as if they were the real thing, but they never get to manage to display acting talent, so they just "look like" the real thing but in no way they portray some of the persona of the characters being spoofed. If I had to choose a fair performance XXX parody I would settle for Spiderman XXX & The Avengers XXX, today's movie, I would definitely skip it unless I've never seen a XXX parody before.

Calm down ladies! there's plenty of Superman for you.

Hero's gals can be friends too!

Overall, Superman VS Spiderman XXX has interesting sex scenes, the actresses are very very hot and don't look like 80 years old sluts. In fact that's the highlight, the actresses! they have the looks of the comic book femme fatales, and that is a plus in an industry where actresses are made in the Red Hot Chili Peppers Californication style (pay your surgeon very well, to break the spell of aging ♪♫)

Your friendly neighbour Spiderman.

Spiderwoman teams up at last!

Probably I will not review porn parodies for quite some time, although this DC Marvel crossover porn parody has been just released this month as the "event of the year" I hardly think sales will say so, cause porn collectors download their films, there are only a few of them who buy the original DVD/BLu Ray for their personal video library, so definitely I will take a very long vacation from reviewing these kind of movies that add nothing new to the world of the porn industry. Just keep on uploading free porn to the internet you porn makers because no one will spend limited edition bucks for such mediocre products. 

Here's the movie trailer:

The Dark Knight XXX

The Dark Knight "Rises".

Hello fellow readers, and welcome back to SPAM-Alternative. Today we return to our "Porn Parody" section, introducing another major addition to the apparently profitable super hero goes porn business. So, enter "The Dark Knight XXX, a Porn Parody" Vivid's take on the latest Batman trilogy. Axel Braun is a regular with Batman as he already filmed his take on Batman '66 so a fresher look into Christopher Nolan's Batman seemed to be the natural choice. However, Braun's take is way different with what Nolan had in mind on his original trilogy, and the differences are not only in terms of the hardcore sex scenes, but also on the characters we see in this parody, therefore  the first sex scene is based on The Killing Joke masterpiece comic book, and when I say that "it's based on", I mean that it's a full-on homage, right down to the Joker's goons locking a naked Commissioner Gordon (Tom Byron) in a cage in a creepy funhouse. The only thing it doesn't have is a musical number about the benefits of insanity.  

Instead, viewers are given a scene where Batgirl (played by blonde hottie Penny Pax) is forced to have sex with the Joker (a fair portrayal of the character by Brendon Miller) to save her father's life, which she does, looking absolutely miserable the entire time (a good performing as it is supposed to be a rape). And then to make The Killing Joke homage complete, the Joker shoots Batgirl in the spine with an actual gun, just like in the original comic book.

Batgirl and her ready for action suit.

Far be it from me to tell anyone else what they should and shouldn't find arousing, which I guess is the actual point here, and to be fair, the DVD box does promise "a Joker that's creepier than the late screen legend," which they certainly delivered. I don't know, maybe there are people out there who came away from Alan Moore and Brian Bolland's original story and thought "you know, that could've used a little more rape," and if so, this is most definitely the movie for them.However, if you are watching a porn parody just because you want to have fun laughing your ass out, this scene may be a downer for sure, I mean you get most of the elements from the original comic book, but forcing Batgirl to have sex and after she's swallowed her foe's last cum drip seeing her getting immediately terminated by a merciless shot in the back will not look and feel as entertaining as you might think. And if you're watching the film with your girlfriend (a real one) it may also interrupt the foreplay.

Batgirl sacrifices her ass for his daddy's life.

"You have a tight ass Batgirl"

"Swallow it Batbitch"

To paraphrase Achewood, I ain't Frederick H. Vivid video or anything, but I do have a pretty solid understanding of how parody works. When you promise "geekgasmic film spoofing," that sort of implies that there's going to be a level of lightheartedness and comedy that's just completely absent when your movie opens with a woman being raped and paralyzed in front of her father by a psychopath in clown makeup. You can't really come back from that.

I was so put off by it that I almost tapped out after the first few minutes, but I ended up watching the whole thing out of curiosity over what direction Braun was going to try to go with. And the answer is that he went insanely dark with his story, to the point where it's kind of fascinatingly non-erotic despite the presence of attractive people shtupping each other. So wankers, you've been warned!

Batman's suit looks amazing.

The plot (which can be experienced as a 21-minute "Non-Sex" cut that's included) is particularly interesting, because it's very obvious from the start that Braun was trying to piece together something that would mirror The Dark Knight Rises, based on information gleaned from trailers and early reports. With the effort of trying to get Dark Knight XXX released at the same time as its big-budget Hollywood counterpart, Braun is making a parody of a movie he hasn't actually seen, which is seriously intriguing, despite the fact that it's about as far from my taste as it possibly could be.

Case in point: The whole Batgirl/Joker fiasco is presented in a flashback as one of the reasons that Batman (Giovanni Francesco) has put away his costume and retired from crime-fighting, instead opting to spend his time on a mountain living the life of a rich retired  man who apparently has gone in hiding from society. Of course, that changes when Catwoman pays a little visit to the Wayne mansion to talk business.

Catwoman's twat.

Poison Ivy's pink.

The other reason, far less reprehensible but somehow even more mystifying, is presented in another flashback, where we find out that Poison Ivy (Dani Jensen) has apparently seduced Nightwing (Brian Street Team), while also developing a plant-based cure for "all diseases". For some reason, Batman's really mad about this, which leads him to confront his loyal sidekick Nightwing and then zap him with a tazer and carry him off. To his credit, Batman waits until after Nightwing has fucked the shit out of Poison Ivy, so at least he's observing proper bro code, even if he does follow it up by throwing a batarang that makes Ivy's panacea explode for some reason, taking Ivy with it in a fireball after she announces that she prefers death to going back to Arkham. Probably this scene is a homage to Joel Schumacher's 1997 film Batman & Robin, as there was a scene where Batman actually fights Robin for the love or maybe sex, of Poison Ivy.

Even giving Batman the benefit of the doubt that the Ivy's cure is actually some dastardly plot -- something that we're never actually given a reason to do beyond "he's Batman," which I guess is as good as anything else - this is still a movie where Poison Ivy dies in an explosion thirty seconds after her sex scene is over. This thing's Eros to Thanatos ratio is jacked up all to hell, for real.
 
Anyways, Batman saves the day and avoids Poison Ivy's evil plan of blackmailing the world by selling her panacea.

Poison Ivy fights Nightwing's cock.

Nightwing fights back Poison Ivy's wet pussy.

Poison Ivy needs some cum for her recipe.

After the Nightwing V/S Batman scene, Catwoman (played by Aiden Ashley) shows up in the Wayne mansion to tell Bruce about the new kid in town Bane and convince him to come back and fight him -- you can guess how she does the convincing -- which he does, but only after stopping off to see John Constantine and Zatanna first (what the fuck have you just read? yes, John Constantine & Zatanna)

If you're wondering what the hell are John Constantine and Zatanna doing in a parody of The Dark Knight Rises, your guess is as good as mine, as they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the plot. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe we'll find out in the sequel, but that's pure conjecture. Maybe Axel Braun was just a big fan of Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing in addition to The Killing Joke, although he missed that "Constantine" is meant to rhyme with "wine" instead of "teen."

Bruce Wayne gets to shag  Catwoman (finally)

Catwoman likes to suck millionaire's cocks dry.

Catwoman's pussy is a creampie!

Either way, their scene is easily the best of the movie, if only because nobody actually suffers horrible trauma or death during that one. Instead, we see Zatanna (Christy Mack) performing for a bored, mostly-empty bar full of Gothamites, which I actually kind of like. Of course these dudes wouldn't be impressed by seeing actual magic performed on-stage. They live in Gotham City. They've seen it all.

Constantine (Clarke Kent) (yes, really) is also a highlight, possibly because he's one of the few characters that you can believe beyond a shadow of a doubt would show up in a porn version of the DC Universe. Kent honestly looks like he just stepped off a page of Hellblazer, and I'm going to go ahead and say it: This is the single best performance of John Constantine that has ever made it to film. Maybe he'll get a spin-off movie with the rest of the Vertigo characters.Hell, Braun might even be able to get Alan Moore to sign off on that one.

Anyway, Batman eventually confronts Bane (Derrick Pierce), who has kidnapped Kathy Kane (Andy San Dimas, who is here as "Bruce Wayne's ex-fiancee," rather than as the original Batwoman). Quick side-note, Bane's opening line is "Welcome back to Gotham, hope you like what I've done with the place," and Batman responds with "I'll send you a picture in Arkham," which makes absolutely no sense and thus becomes the only truly fun line in the entire movie. But alas, Batman is betrayed by Kathy and Catwoman, gets his ass kicked, and is then left for dead while Bane and the ladies go off to enjoy themselves at length. That's how the movie ends.

I will say, the actual Knightfall-style backbreaker that Bane drops on him during the climax (no pun intended) actually does look more convincing than its big-screen counterpart, but I'm not kidding: The Dark Knight XXX ends with Batman being paralyzed and left for dead, twitching once before we cut to credits. What is even happening in this movie?!

Lucky Bane gets to fuck both Catwoman & Batwoman.

Batwoman likes facials as much as fighting crime.

Get a load of this Batman!

The whole thing is just unbelievably grim, which is even more bizarre given how cheery and likable everyone is in the Behind The Scenes feature, in which Francesco talks about collecting action figures. It's at this level where it's just impossible to figure out just what they were going for.

At this point, it's not a surprise that there's a porn parody of Nolan's Dark Knight films. But the fact that it's even more dark, depressing and utterly hopeless than the source material? That boggles the mind, and let me quote Jor El's words "the father becomes the son, the son becomes the father" That is exactly what happened with this parody, which takes the word "dark" into a whole new level. Perhaps, that is the plus about this parody that doesn't follow the established patterns of regular parodies out there.

So, if you want to see hot girls being fuck like mad, this is definitely your movie, but take into account that Batgirl & Poison Ivy die after they have sex, and that alone can kill any boner. However, porn parodies aren't films you would watch with your girlfriend to get the party started if you know what I mean. And if you're looking for entertainment, as parodies are supposed to deliver entertainment, you may get a little of that with The Dark Knight XXX, but if you're just curious about it, watch it then!

Here's the movie trailer:

The Avengers XXX, a Porn Parody

Parodies have certainly saved porn industry.

Porn parodies are nothing new (we've been having them since the golden era of VHS tapes) but we’ve definitely entered a day when a Hollywood film and its smutty cousin can achieve, shall we say, simultaneous release. Vivid entertainment has a long term relationship with science fiction porn parodies. Although, they have mostly made films about superheroes, they recently extended their catalogue with other sci-fi classics such as Star Wars.

I’m a comics nerd and, as such, I watched The Avengers movie in glorious 3D in theaters and then rewatch it like a couple of extra times, and yes, I think the Blu-Ray/DVD release of the film scheduled for september is too far from where we are today, and I'm anxious enough as to look for  ‘The Avengers XXX,’ parody to make the waiting a little more pleasant. I really wanted to watch it, but I know a thousand interesting ways to use my credit card for, and none of those thousand ways include paying for a porn movie. Also, I wouldn't like to see my wife seeing the bill. Luckily, there is always a way though...

Hawkeye likes training with Natasha Romanoff, you know.

Hawkeye trains his tongue into fighting russian spies' pussies.

The Widow trains capturing cocks with her giant vagina.

Aren't these the heroes we deserve?

‘The Avengers XXX’ is, in its own way, surprisingly knowledgeable about the Marvel Universe. Its authors clearly had their hands on some funnybooks in their day. The story begins with Bruce Banner naked in the desert after a big brawl with Abomination in Las Vegas.(just like the fight they actually had in comic books) 

We then move to New York City and a secret meeting held by Nick Fury of S.H.E.I.L.D.(no  I didn't mispell it) Hawkeye is there and his complaints about the low-rent nature of the digs help to explain away the obvious inconsistency of this secret agency bunkering in a cold room with zero technology. In fact, it is Hawkeye the one who utters one of the most memorable lines of the film “The Fantastic Four get the Baxter Building and we get an old abandoned warehouse. . .”

Nick Fury's secret shaft attack.

Some Battle! The mighty Thor against She-Hulk's mighty twat.

Miss Marvel shares some pussy love with Scarlet Witch.

So, the opening scene (the one with the most talking I might add) introduces some, but not all of the characters. Nick Fury goes around the table to say hello to everyone. He calls Carol Danvers Miss Marvel, which I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like (it’s MS. Marvel!) and he flat out ignores Sharon Carter, who is sitting right next to him. (Maybe this is part of his mindgame, because you won’t believe what she does to him later to ensure he doesn’t forget her.) 

Anyway, the mission is clear: they must stop the Hulk. The group starts to bicker so Scarlet Witch silences all sound frequencies but her own so she can yell at them all. And that's mostly it for the storyline. After everyone's understood what they gotta do, they go about their business and you know their business means fuck the shit out of your partner as soon as you can, so yes, we come to mind that this is another porn parody and not a superhero movie. However, that doesn't mean this movie sucks. In fact, the hottest superhero porn parodies, speaking of high quality standards, come from Vivid Entertainment, so you're in for a rollercoaster ride of fun.   

MS Marvel's marvelous twat.

Some lesbo superhero action.

Scarlet Twat.

Overall, ‘The Avengers XXX, a Porn Parody’ ain’t bad for what it is, a porn parody. Thor’s moment of brooding mentions Hela’s Realm and the Midgard Serpent, keeping in line with ‘Thor’ being the movie with the most amount of Easter Eggs. I can’t deny that the young woman who plays Carol Danvers, one Lexi Swallow, is a natural – and Danni Cole’s Scarlet Witch shows a keenness to please that is typical from a daughter of an evil father. I can’t say the whole film works as more than a collection of porn scenes, and has nothing compared to the climax in Joss Whedon’s picture, which I think is the greatest superhero movie of all times.

Here's the all audiences movie trailer:

Spiderman XXX (edited)

Spiderman's shag turn has come.

Continuing with porn parodies, this time we'll move from the Coca-Cola of comics (DC Comics) to the Pepsi of comics (Marvel Comics) Only this time we won't meet the Avengers or the X-Men as opposed as the Justice League of super heroes porn parody. Spiderman, probably the franchise that restarted film makers serious interest for making comic books movies (let's remember Spiderman II has long been considered as the best, or one of the best comic book adaptations movies ever) Anyways, in porn parodies not even the least gifted movie watcher  can expect to find a deep script that would use sex as an intensifier for the movie plot. However, Spiderman XXX does have some achievements, for instance, all the actors & actresses do resemble the original comic book characters, even better than the ones in the Sam Raimi trilogy! Mary Jane & Gwen Stacy actresses are perfect matches, and the guy who portrays Peter Parker/Spiderman is also a very good choice, so believe it or not, this porn parody will surprise comic book connoisseurs. 

Elektro will conquer the city with electric cum!

The city will be mine, and no one will cum my way!

The storyline has it Elektro wants to absorb all the energy from New York city to charge himself with unlimited power, so that he can rule the city without worrying about our friendly neighbourhood.  In the meantime Mary Jane (played by Capri Anderson) will come to town to stay at Peter Parker's house for a while (no, she neither won't fuck him, nor will blow him) for some random reason MJ will meet her way with Gwen Stacy and Flash Thompson (and yes, meet her way means treesome action) Also I so need to mention Brooklyn Lee role as the Black Widow, definitely the hottest gal of the whole film hands down.

These are the MJ & Gwen Stacy we've been looking forward to!

MJ & Gwen Stacy share the cock!

Gwen knows how to sucks MJ's twat.

Epic!

The special effects are above average, considering the kind of film they sustain themselves pretty good. Also, the action scenes, only a few I might add, are quite good, considering everything is made to end up in a sex scene. One unforgetable moment will be the after rescue of Mary Jane. Just like the original Spiderman movie, Mary Jane will thank Spidey for saving the day, only this time the kiss will be a little hotter as it will turn into a full blowjob with cum swallowing included. 

Overall, quite an entertaining friday night movie to share with your friends. The entertaining level is enhanced if you consider yourself a casual Spidey fan. As a porn movie, it doesn't really add anything new, you'll find average stuff, like blowjobs, masturbation, cumshots, facials, anal sex, etc. However I wouldn't recommend for a romantic evening as being a parody means laughing your ass out, instead of being extremely horny. 

Black Widow blows like hell.

This are what real heroines are made of.

Do you like it in your anus Widow?

Your pussy is gigantic Widow!

Spiderman rocks the twat.

Here's not the movie trailer, but  a 20 minute scene where Spiderman has to face himself with The Black Widow (check this Scarlett Johansson, can you beat this impersonation?) 

May the First update: I have been forced to re-edit this entry as some corporate crap thinks I uploaded myself the 20 minute video where you can see Spiderman fucking the Black Widow. I didn't upload the video, I found it at a porn site known as Red Tube. They should be told to erase the copyrighted material, I just embeded the video, which is something is being done in almost every single internet website worldwide. Still, if you wanna watche the video, you just go to Red Tube and search for it. Unfair shit, the big website still has the video with copyright infringement, and I, a miserable rat get to be punished by the motherfuckers at the DMCA.