"Hey!, it's only a movie" ("Notebook: Hey, it's only a movie, says Lucas - but who's listening to him?", 2011)
It's funny how Disney spent months saying bitter fanboys trolled The Last Jedi so that audiences would think it was a bad movie, and two years later they themselves make a move that screams fanservice, nostalgia and playing it safe. Had The Last Jedi not being the bummer it was, I'm sure Mickey Mouse would have continued the "subvert expectations" concept boldly defended by Rian Johnson, and yet they didn't.
With a large budget, one has to wonder who aids Disney into hiring people who can't direct, write or produce something worth remembering beyond toy aisles. Obviously, J.J. Abrams had things going south even before he replaced Colin Trevorror as the director. Moreover what he envisioned two films earlier had to be retconned with surgeon's hands.
Star Wars Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker is a film that may or may not suffer from the divisiveness caused by the earlier episode. People who loved having their expectations subverted will probably dislike this final entry, as essentially J.J. decided to pay Johnson back the same way he did in the previous episode: by keeping what's substantial & wiping out remaining secrets he (Abrams) proposed in Episode VII The Force Awakens.
But what does this mean to audiences?
Stunning visuals of bad weather.
Stunning visuals of bad weather warfare.
Well, if you're like me, and didn't love Johnson's take, you will like Abrams' better. Let's face it, the new trilogy didn't have much of a story to tell. New characters and new stories do resemble, or try to resemble the best moments the original trilogy had, and perhaps that's the main problem this new trio of flicks has. Lifelong fans may have been misled by the constant homage Episode VII paid to the original holy trilogy. The sequel tried to bring new ideas to the table, and while I openly bashed the movie in both my review, and when discussing it with friends, I can say my opinion has positively changed a lot thanks to the re-watch effect.
Running two hours and 20 minutes, IX is a fast lane roller-coaster ride where the action, revelations and answers happen with speed. At times I felt there could have been more movies to explain a few things better. However, I think this is the only possible grand finale the new trilogy could have had. So, while it's not a masterpiece (none of the films from this trilogy are), it delivers enough content to play it safe, and satisfy the most fans.
Rey is the ultimate Jedi.
Is it Kylo Ren or Ben Solo?
OK boomer, what is Episode IX about?
After the resistance is defeated by the First Order, the good guys went in hiding, while Rey continues her Jedi training. However, a secret message coming from the outer realms, reveals Darth Sidious is still alive!, while no one calls him THAT on the film, Palpatine is the son of a bitch that helped build the First Order from the dark in order to conquer the galaxy once more. Moreover, he created Snoke and was behind Ben Solo's transformation into Kylo Ren. Now that Ren is the new supreme leader, he decides to track down the Sith lord in order to defeat him and become the ultimate evil in the galaxy.
On the other hand General Leia Organa knows the threat this bastard poses, and sets her own team to find the location of this ultimate evil. Fortunately, the resistance has the extremely talented Rey on their side. Honestly, Rey is the most powerful Jedi ever seen on film. She's so skilled, she can overpower any threat within miles of distance. Unless, it's her dark side equivalent she's fighting against. Kylo Ren gets in the way of the resistance, namely Rey all the time. Unsurprisingly, both resistance and first order will meet once more for a final battle. Only this time the first order will have the advantage of a powerful Sith ally.
The first hour feels like the direct sequel to Episode VII, as if nothing of relevance took place in Episode VIII, which feeds my theory that J.J. Abrams didn't like how Rian Johnson handled the sequel, and like Kylo Ren's restored helmet, J.J. picked up all the pieces left, and carefully bandaged everything to build a new movie.
This is our movie!
Psst, we're here too!
From here on there will be subtle spoilers, so stop right here if you haven't seen it yet. The new trilogy lacked a grand story to tell, and it shows throughout every film. The Force Awakens was a remake of Episode IV, and The Last Jedi was the most original out of the bunch, yet it didn't have a story to tell. I for one, see this new trilogy as an opportunity for the Disney company to sell Star Wars toys with their label on it. Throughout the saga we get a lot of action scenes, dogfights, lightsaber duels, new force powers, modern visually stunning scenes but, and this is the big but of this new saga: Not enough story, undeveloped characters, overpowered characters, no balance! no balance whatsoever. The previous trilogies were balanced. Main characters, antagonists, and secondary characters were all there for a reason, and the reason or reasons, were clearly explained, allowing the viewer to feel the need for these characters to exist in each film. The new trilogy took the main features of classic characters and poured them into new characters that were nothing, but a weaker, unfinished, and underdeveloped version of the original characters. The fact that Rey is now the grandniece of Darth Sidious creates a big hole where fans would ask themselves "Wait, so did this bad motherfucker have a family with kids and everything?". In addition, his survival, and time spent in the shadows building The Final Order (his new army of clones) make Darth Vader's redemption a lot more irrelevant in the canon. He did redeem himself and saved his son from certain death but ultimately, didn't stop the forces of evil from securing their galactic dictatorship. Moreover, The Resistance was completely clueless about their true enemy, although they had Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, the two surviving Jedi knights on their side! What the hell? Not even The First Order knew about Palpatine's survival and plot.
Dark Rey.
The first order's finest.
Let's set that aside and move on to the other characters. Kylo Ren the "I want to be badder than my granddad" tryhard, finally gets his redemption and returns to the light side as Ben Solo with the aid of Leia's final sacrifice. Obviously, this is a required Mcguffin, in order to allow Rey to even the odds against the powerful Emperor, and speaking of Mcguffins, the way to access the emperor's secret planet is via a wayfinder (they were spoiled long before the movie premiered) a two of a kind Sith artifact that gives the exact location of Sidious hideout. In addition, there's a Sith dagger that was also spoiled long ago. The dagger provides the same info as the Wayfinder. Now, let's move on to Fanservice. If bringing Palpatine back from the death isn't enough, don't worry! J.J.'s got you covered!. IX features tons and tons of ripped off quotes from the previous trilogies. From "I got a bad feeling about this" to "The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities, some consider to be unnatural". In addition, there are the unexpected scenes that will take fanservice to the next level. Particularly one scene where a young Luke is training his young sister Leia. How ironic is that? a CGI scene that is more emotional than real scenes. On the other hand, the whole Reylo garbage some fans have been pushing through memes and fan fiction all over the internet, sadly pays them off with the lamest scene in the film. BECAUSE, in the previous films Kylo Ren & Rey were allegedly attracted to each other. I always saw them as enemies. One wanted the other turning to the dark side, while the other wanted the exact opposite. I guess, under J.J.'s eye that's reason enough for you to fall in love with your sworn enemy.
Leia, our princess.
Lando's back from geriatric care management.
Character wise I'd say this is Rey's movie. She's on the most scenes, and we get to see her do a lot of things, and I really liked that because she's my favorite new character. On IX she (Daisy Ridley) delivers some of her best acting in several emotional scenes. The fight scenes were she's in, are incredibly well staged and visually stunning. She is truly a convincing character, perhaps the most powerful Jedi knight out of the franchise. Moreover, characters that weren't popular had far less onscreen time than they previously did. Namely, Rose Tico, and the new characters (Zorii Bliss, Jannah Klaud, Commander D'acy) are all forgettable save for Babu Frik due to the role he plays when aiding the resistance. Other characters play minor roles and don't really add much to the story, save for being there in the background doing stuff while the main characters take the lead. Droid wise, C-3PO & R2D2 return to spend a more crucial role on this film. Especially 3PO who serves as the vessel to unravel Palpatine's location. D-O, the new droid that looks like a hair dryer, is there to sell toys. Which reminds me of The Knights of Ren! Who finally show up in the movie to make you want to buy more toys! As action figures, I'm sure they look great but plot wise, they're as useless as a Stormtrooper playing darts.
C-3PO gets into the action.
Rebel, rebel!
The Rise of Skywalker was clearly a difficult movie to make. Perhaps, the most difficult of the decade. A significant portion of SW fans wasn't shy about sharing their thoughts and views on social media. Times have changed. Today people don't need official media reviewers, they got their opinions, their own sites, and this poses a new threat for film making. Remember when people bashed Sonic The Hedgehog's design? Well, they listened and fixed it. Same with Star Wars. The Last Jedi really turned the tide for Disney, and after all their futile attempts to say Episode VIII was well received, the final episode is all about listening to the fans, which lastly are the reason these movies are made. IX is the best final chapter we could ever ask for despite its ups and downs. Music wise, John Williams has always been the secret character hidden in the background of the franchise. Key classic compositions are brought back in the movie in order to foster the hype for nostalgia. Nevertheless, the new compositions aren't as stunning as what he did in the previous episodes, which is by no means implying his new work is bad or mediocre.
Knights of Lame, ahem! Ren!
The real bad guy.
The third and final act in IX is the expected duel between Rey, Ben Solo & Darth Sidious. It is here where the final revelation takes place. Ben & Rey form a dyad in the force. If the word sounds strange, In sociology, a dyad is a group of two people, the smallest possible social group. As an adjective, "dyadic" describes their interaction. The pair of individuals in a dyad can be linked via romantic interest, family relation, interests, work, partners in crime, or on this case, the force. Palpatine knows this is an opportunity for revitalizing his agonizing body and he sucks out the force energy of Reylo. As soon as he's ready to take matters on his own, he throws Ben Solo into a large fall, just like Vader did 30 years ago with him. Rey is exhausted and her only chance for survival is to summon the spirit of all the previous Jedi before her. "Be with me" takes a whole new meaning. Her first scene in the movie starts with that phrase and we can see why at the climax.
Overall, a decent finale but not a perfect movie. However, I do salute J.J. Abrams effort for putting things in perspective. He even took some of the previous episode ideas and respectfully turned them into a fitting finale.
On a lighter note, let's hope this meme is the last one:
3 years ago I would have never expected to be celebrating my birthday in the movies watching a new Star Wars movie. Although my birthday is on December the 17th, the premiere dates for The Force Awakens & Rogue One were pretty close so, I had and will have for the longest time, vivid fond memories on how I celebrated my birthday at the movies, with a new Star Wars for about 5 years consecutively.
Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, TLJ from here on, is a gigantic leap of faith into the world of bullshit, taken by director Rian Johnson. Everything you thought you knew about Star Wars, isn't going to go the way you think, (paraphrasing Luke Skywalker's utterance heard previously in the last movie trailer).
The Star Wars mythology has had 40 years to grow strong, and it's had its ups and downs, which explains why you shouldn't search for spoilers in the web, because it would ultimately kill the viewing experience for you, and movies are always a personal experience, no matter how many times you watch them with friends or your significant other. The opinions and discussions you may fully enjoy with your posse will always be better if they come from your own personal experience, and as you clearly know by now, our humble blog has been around for almost 10 years and we treat the reader with respect, meaning you will not find any spoilers in this review, because a decent review respects the reader, and ultimately the viewer, so fasten your seat belt 'cause here we go!.
"it's time for the Jedi to end".
"not if I have a say on it".
TFA ended with one of the most hyped cliffhangers of all time: Newcomer Rey (Daisy Ridley) travels in the Millenium Falcon to a far island where the legendary Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill, the star of TLJ) is hiding. The question is, does he want to have a new padawan? Does he want his father's ligthsaber back?. Considering what is explained in TFA, it is clear Skywalker had it with the idea of a new Jedi order, and has moved on to a simpler life where he can no longer put the ones he loves in danger. However, the Rebellion needs the Jedi. His sister needs him, Rey needs him, and in an obvious way, we, the old school fans need him too.
In a recent interview Mark Hamill said how much he would have liked Disney to pay attention to what George Lucas had sketched for episodes VII, VIII & IX because of how different the new trilogy would have gone. Fortunately, Disney had their own agenda. An agenda that lifelong SW fans will thank forever, and don't get me wrong, I do respect and love what Lucas did with the original trilogy and the prequel trilogy (that got too much hate just because) but if you want to make SW a larger, wider, more varied universe, is better to hire some new hands to bring that refreshing feeling a cold beer delivers during summer time.
"Where will you be when diarrhea hits?"
Newfound friends.
Before TLJ premiered, there were hundreds of fan theories and a focus on how this film would be a replica of The Empire Strikes Back due to the many similarities TFA had with A New Hope. J.J. Abrams had an unenviable task two years ago when he set out to make what became TFA:
reboot Star Wars without changing anything. And to his credit, he did
just that by making a shockingly giddy reinvention of that galaxy far,
far away that also played like the greatest hits of what came before.
But for all his success, the rewards found in TLJ prove even greater. At last we have, for the first time in ages, a Star
Wars movie that’s all too happy to go where we don’t expect.
To be sure, Rian Johnson’s evocative and often exhilarating sequel
continues the post-Disney mandate to remix elements that bask in the
familiar. Hence why the First Order is even more imperial this time,
striking back against Resistance forces who look increasingly like
rebels; Jedi and evil sorcerers alike sit in chairs while skeptically
sizing up would-be apprentices; and we even get an epic battle on a
planet that may as well be called Salt Hoth given how powdery white
those crystals look when the AT-M6 walkers stomp across the landscape
like mechanized buffalo grazing during the dregs of winter.
Yet within all this repetition, Johnson uses his poor solitary writing and
directing duties to tease and then brutally manipulate and mangle our nostalgia. His film makes no sense at all!. The first Star Wars film to be ever made by a fucking amateur who thinks forcing changes and forcing stupid Marvel Studios joke will translate for fans as "brand new re-telling". The movie simply sucks from start to finish.
R.I.P. Carrie Fisher.
Snoke is an ugly motherfucker.
Running 152 minutes, TLJ doesn't really feel that long and that may have to do with a lot of unnecessary scenes, like Finn & Rose's story, and the huge amount of retard humor (Marvel Studios Superhero films, I'm talking to you bitch!). On the one hand you have the rebels desperately fighting The First Order. Oscar Isaac's Poe Dameron is clearly here to become the Han Solo of this new trilogy. he's defiant, cocky and yet very important for the Rebel Alliance. In addition, Finn (John Boyega) and his new partner Rose Tico (Kelley Mary Tran) are sent into a filler mission that is as relevant as it is for me to choose a Dr.Pepper instead of Pepsi (nobody cares!). On the other hand, Supreme leader Snoke (Andy Serkis), Kylo Ren (Adam Driver steals the show in TLJ) & General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) go full idiotic most of the time. Hux, looks like a schizophrenic who needs his medicine, and Snoke clearly has no love for Kylo and makes fun of him and really fucking sucks as a "supreme leader".
But what about the Jedi plot? Rest assured, that you will get plenty of it, and while people tend to focus their attention on Rey, Luke, Kylo & Snoke, TLJ has a lot more disappointment to offer. The question of whether we are good or bad, is a constant motif throughout the movie. Johnson's directing takes it even further, contradicting most of his ideas in previous scenes, with later non-sensical scenes.
Bad takes a whole new meaning in TLJ.
Hey Kylo! this is a Jedi only photo!
Moving onto a heartfelt matter, TLJ is the last performance by Carrie Fisher since she passed away last year in December. Fisher had already finished all of her scenes for TLJ when she died, and according to Rian Johnson her work in the film remained intact and no editing was done whatsoever. Sadly, most of her interactions throughout the movie, sorta give you that poetic justice feeling that she gave all she had left to the character and indeed TLJ will be a bittersweet movie to everyone who followed Princess Leia's adventure since day one. The question whether she makes it to the end of TLJ safe and sound will be answered when you go to the theater yourselves. Unfortunately, there is this one CGI scene, that is perhaps the most stupid thing this wannabe director gives in the whole film. Believe you me, you will hate the scene with all your guts. And speaking of old characters, I believe the critics and fans can agree Mark Hamill delivers, in this film, his greatest performance ever despite a flashback that clarifies why Hamill had issues with the useless Rian Johnson when producing the film, and namely Luke Skywalker's story. I just can't believe the motherfuckers from Disney would hire this turd and grant him a brand new trilogy. I do hope they change this. Rotten Tomatoes (a site which you couldn't care less about) says the "critics" or cocksuckers on a payroll, as I prefer calling them, give it a 93% of freshness while the real critics, we the people, rate it a 56%, which doesn't even grant it the pass grade.
Rey is strong with the force.
From scavenger to Jedi.
TFA was criticized by some fans as being a complete copy of Episode IV, which being far, it was not. The major problem I had watching TLJ is the fact that the film changes so many things in a nonsensical manner, that J.J. Abrams' work feels utterly useless! Most of the mystery and promising aspects behind the new characters is tossed in the garbage compactor for good.
The fact that Disney has just bought 20th Century Fox aims at an even darker future for other film franchises and creators. Owning everything, doesn't make you successful or powerful, it makes a fucking dictator, and dictators are known for killing arts in every way they can. I had so many high hopes for Rey!! I friggin' loved the character!! but what the fuck man!? just like Kylo Ren, they are changed into a state of lame ambiguity in order to makes us think they could turn to opposite, which of course, they do not.
I need to see a medic urgently, please!.
I tried hard for you fans, but I failed you.
In 2015 I watched TFA 5 times in the movie theater, and since then maybe 5 more times at home. The movie was fucking awesome. However, with TLJ, only one time is enough to tell the movie was rushed, and that the producers were more concerned about the marketing department rather than leaving a wide happy smile in their fans. Of course, there are many cocksuckers out there, who would suck Disney's dick for free, just take a look at their latest superhero films to see how bad they really are, but how beloved they are by the non connoisseur section of movie goers.
Man I feel bummed! I even re watch the whole saga again (including Rogue One) and felt that in doing so I made a terrible mistake because, all the good Star Wars films were already there! I just can't believe I watched a bad SW movie!
The jedi?
The rebels!
Overall, TLJ is a transitional movie that lacks so much, you can easily skip it and watch Episode IX in 2019 and understand everything that has transpired in between movies anyway. When I left the theater in 1999, after The Phantom Menace I knew the forthcoming episodes would explain more about the new characters. When people left the theater in 1977 after A New Hope, they felt the same so, it became a Star Wars thing to expect revelations in the sequels. Unfortunately, when I left the theater a couple of nights ago, I felt robbed and raped, because TLJ solves nothing and mangles characters that were larger than life. I ain't buying the nothing is sacred crap. Besides, 153 minutes feel like 10 hours when a film is going nowhere. Rian Johnson, go fuck yourself, We fucking hate what you did with Star Wars.
And one more thing, when George Lucas was asked about the film, he answered "Beautifully made", which translates as "it only looks nice but, there's nothing else". Here are the promising trailers: Trailer #1: Trailer #2: The TV Spots part 1: The TV Spots part 2:
Now that Rogue One: a Star Wars storyis just around the corner, we decided it's time to revisit our Star Wars fandom with a very special review. In the past, we covered every Star Wars episode to date. We even included reviews for the made for TV Ewok films and it was about time we paid our debt with the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special. Made directly for TV and directed by Steve Binder this may be the worst official Star Wars film ever made.
Honestly, what Star Wars fan wouldn't want to watch this? (and how many have already watched it many times?) Well,
maybe a few. Made after the massive success Episode IV: A New Hope had in 1977, this 1978 TV special featured every major Star Wars star, and even introduced the world to new characters that would be part of the following sequels, while other new characters where blasted into oblivion just like the idea of an official release of the film.
The original cast returns...
...plus a few new additions.
First off, yes, I and no one else who is a Star Wars fan, who has seen
this, will ever disagree it is complete and total crap. But you know the
old saying about train wrecks, you just have to watch them, this is
that. Because as unbelievably horrible as it is, and as totally
unfathomably bad every scene is, as a Star Wars fan you want to see these
characters in new scenes (specially those who were there in 1978, where no SW sequels would happen until 1980)
It IS cool seeing "new" footage of Han and Chewie in the Falcon's
cockpit. It's cool seeing Luke do his thing(despite his surgery that makes his face look odd), Leia, the droids,
everyone, although this is nothing but a huge mess, you gotta like
seeing these characters again somewhere. Of course, as you watch you
may say to yourself that you wish you had NEVER seen this, because it
taints the memory of these great Star Wars characters. So was actually
seeing this special worth it? If you can keep your feelings about Star
Wars in check and dismiss this easily, sure it is.
Wanna sing a holiday song Leia?
I really rather you didn't Luke.
The Boba Fett debut appearance (that's it you newbies! before the special editions, Boba Fett wouldn't show up until Episode V) in the animated sequence is very cool, best
thing about the show probably. It's too short though, especially in
such a long show.
But you know, this is one part of the Star Wars universe where I would
love some additional information. The special itself we have - but this
is the only piece of the Star Wars universe we know almost nothing of
the background about. How was this show proposed? What were the
creative meetings for this abomination like? Who felt this should be 2
hours long in broadcast time? What did the actors say and feel when
they read what they were supposed to do? How did the recording of
Carrie Fisher's "Star Wars song" go? Did everyone on screen just think
this was a big joke before it was through?
And most importantly...did absolutely no one whatsoever in power have
any ability at all to see this final product and realize what a
complete piece of garbage this was, and what a blight on the Star Wars
universe this would surely become? Were there stipulations that said
this HAD to air, and they couldn't even trim it down?
I'm Boba Fett.
I take it you have no love of the empire.
I can't believe after creating such a masterpiece like "Star Wars" that
George Lucas didn't have the eyes to see what a total hack job this
Star Wars Holiday TV Special was.
The special has never been released on video, but bootleg videos have
been circulating for years, and are now all over the internet. George Lucas
remarked at an Australian convention that "if I had the time and a
sledgehammer, I would track down every bootlegged copy of that program
and smash it."
According to Carrie Fisher, Lucas gave her a copy of the special as a gift for recording the DVD commentary for Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977). She claims that she plays it at parties when she wants her guests to leave.
mm, nice to meet you.
Laugh it up fuzz ball!
Plotwise the holiday special follows Chewbacca and Han Solo who pay a visit to Kashyyyk, Chewbacca's home world, to celebrate Life Day. They are pursued by agents of the Galactic Empire, who are searching for members of the Rebel Alliance on the planet. The special introduces three members of Chewbacca's family: his father Itchy, his wife Malla, and his son Lumpy,
though these names were later explained to have been nicknames, their
full names being Attichitcuk, Mallatobuck, and Lumpawarrump,
respectively.
The program also features many other Star Wars characters, including Luke Skywalker, C-3PO, R2-D2, Darth Vader and Princess Leia (who sings the film's "theme song", set to the music of John Williams' Star Wars theme, near the end). The program includes stock footage from Star Wars, and also features a cartoon produced by Toronto-based Nelvana that officially introduces the bounty hunter Boba Fett. Scenes also take place in outer space and in spacecraft including the Millennium Falcon and an Imperial Star Destroyer. The variety-show segments and cartoon introduce a few other locales, such as a cantina on the desert planet of Tatooine and a red ocean planet known as Panna.
Let's all sing the song of joy.
Funky music was also a big thing in Kashyyyk.
According to Charles Lippincott, who was head of marketing of what
was termed "The Star Wars Corporation", CBS brought the idea of doing a
TV special to Lucas, although there is some debate within Lucas's inner
circle about this claim.
Lucas was not heavily involved with the special, and his name does not
appear in its credits. Still it was Lucas's idea to build the narrative
around a family of speechless Wookiees and their celebration of Life
Day. Bruce Vilanch,
who was hired as a writer, was concerned about the challenges this
decision would pose to writing and feared that the special would turn
into "one long episode of Lassie". Regardless Lucas would not budge on
the story.
The special went through two directors. The first, David Acomba, was
brought in in an attempt to "make us different in variety shows",
according to Lippencott. Acomba, a classmate of George Lucas at USC film school, was unfamiliar with a multi camera setup, which caused some problems.
Acomba also felt that there was a divide between him and the producers
and quit after finishing only a few scenes. He was replaced by Steve
Binder. Binder never got to meet Lucas before the show but instead got a "Wookiee Bible" detailing how Wookiees were supposed to look and behave. Acomba chose to leave the project, a decision supported by Lucas.
Prototype toys of Chewie's family.
The special was broadcast in its entirety only once, in the United States, on Friday, November 17, 1978 (the week before Thanksgiving), on the U.S. television network CBS from 8:00 pm to 10:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time (EST), pre-empting Wonder Woman and The Incredible Hulk; and on the Canadian television network CTV from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time. It was also broadcast in New Zealand on TVNZ and in Australia on the Seven Network.
Here's the infamous holiday special for your viewing pleasure (?)
Also, Diahann Carroll "This Minute Now"
The Jefferson Starship "Light the Sky on Fire" song:
And last but not least, Princess Leia sings "A Day to Celebrate":
Let’s
start with the most obvious snag. About six minutes into the movie,
right after Darth Vader (Lexington Steele) and a bunch of scantily clad
Stormtroopers bust in on Princess Leia (Allie Haze)’s spaceship, we get
our first sex scene. Those of you who were paying attention to the
number of proper nouns in that last sentence may have already figured
out where this is going.
See, in the original films at least, Darth Vader is actually Princess
Leia’s father, which makes it pretty darned uncomfortable when the
first ten minutes of this movie find him going right at her for a pretty
vigorous interrogation about the whereabouts of the Rebel Alliance.
With his penis.
Let’s
start with the most obvious snag. About six minutes into the movie,
right after Darth Vader (Lexington Steele) and a bunch of scantily clad
Stormtroopers bust in on Princess Leia (Allie Haze)’s spaceship, we get
our first sex scene. Those of you who were paying attention to the
number of proper nouns in that last sentence may have already figured
out where this is going.
See, in the original films at least, Darth Vader is actually Princess
Leia’s father, which makes it pretty darned uncomfortable when the
first ten minutes of this movie find him going right at her for a pretty
vigorous interrogation about the whereabouts of the Rebel Alliance.
With his penis.
Let’s
start with the most obvious snag. About six minutes into the movie,
right after Darth Vader (Lexington Steele) and a bunch of scantily clad
Stormtroopers bust in on Princess Leia (Allie Haze)’s spaceship, we get
our first sex scene. Those of you who were paying attention to the
number of proper nouns in that last sentence may have already figured
out where this is going.
See, in the original films at least, Darth Vader is actually Princess
Leia’s father, which makes it pretty darned uncomfortable when the
first ten minutes of this movie find him going right at her for a pretty
vigorous interrogation about the whereabouts of the Rebel Alliance.
With his penis.
