Superman Returns

Homage returns!

Today in pop culture history many things happened. In 1982, at the age of 32, the greatest Rock and Roll drummer the world ever witnessed, Mister Jason AKA "Bonzo" Bonham, legendary drummer of Led Zeppelin,  died of a Vodka overdose. In addition, Christopher Reeve, the original Superman everyone still praise as the ultimate live action actor to portray DC's mightiest hero, would have turned 64 years old, that is, if he didn't die in 2004 after struggling with an infection. If you want to read the reviews we did of his Superman films, just click on his name and you'll be taken right away to them. Today's entry will be a homage to the man who made me believe a man could fly. I loved the Superman movies when I was a kid. I devoured every re-run TV had with them, I rented every VHS tape I could find at least once or twice a year. The impact his portrayal as the man of steel had over me, still stands strong within my persona. I even travel to other countries to purchase the movies when they came out on DVD!!

So, another man who was deeply touched by Christopher Reeve's unique take on Superman was Bryan Singer. Famous for The Usual Suspects & specially for his X-Men movies, the film maker quit directing a third X-Men movie in favor of pursuing the gargantuan task of bringing back to life the greatest superhero of all times. (Click on his name, and you'll be taken directly to our X-Men honest reviews)

Coming home after a 5 year space trip.

Some things have changed: Lois Lane is a mother now.

Superman Returns is a 2006 film that is best described as a "tribute movie" just like those tribute albums you can buy at Walmart's cheap baskets. The only purpose this film has, is to serve the legacy of the master minds that created the Superman cinematic universe in a time where superheroes where thought to be a kid's only entertainment source. The "master minds" I'm talking about are Richard Donner, Christopher Reeve & John Williams.  A creative triumvirate that has rarely been seen since then. Donner masterfully directed, Reeve put his heart in the acting department and obviously, Williams composed a score as legendary as his work with Star Wars. Every scene Singer conceived, was carefully tailored to fit the overall tone the first two Superman movies have. If you're a fan of the original films (who isn't?) you will easily identify every joke, dialog, look and action sequence that seems to be directly inspired by the original films.

Introductions set aside, Superman Returns would update our caped wonder to state of the art special effects promising a Superman we've never seen before. To make the tribute stronger, Singer hired composer John Ottman to update the iconic original score, paying instant homage to John Williams while brain washing our nostalgic brains with an opening sequence completely stolen from the original Superman film. Oh, sure, what about the new Superman? in order to follow the tradition that got the role to a then unknown Christopher Reeve, Brandon Routh suited up delivering a fantastic performance that pays homage to both Clark Kent & Superman as they were originally envisioned and portrayed by Mr. Reeve. But wait, there's more! Kevin Spacek (a great actor I might add) delivers an astonishing Lex Luthor absolutely inspired by Gene Hackman's now legendary performance. Now, the question is, would you stand 152 minutes of homage scenes only the most hardcore Chris Reeve's Superman fans would understand? and as a bonus question, Can Bryan Singer make a good superhero film?

Super Cheesy romance.

The worst live action Lois Lane of all time.

First, let me just comment on what I liked about the movie. The special effects were fantastic (for a 2006 movie that is), and very rarely did I feel like I was watching a video game. Clearly, for people who watched the original films, the action scenes seen here are what everyone wanted to see Superman do in those seminal films. However, this isn't an action packed film, so while there are great action scenes, these are very few compared to the romance drama in which Superman Returns is wrapped.

I have innumerable complaints about the film, but four major complaints jump to mind. My first major complaint has to do with the incredible cheesiness of the "plot twist" (if you can call it that since most people probably saw it coming a mile away) where Lois's 5 year-old son turns out to be the super-powered child of Superman. When the crying super-child throws a piano at Lex's henchman to save his mother, I almost got up and left the theater. Singer could have made a much better Superman movie without resorting to cheap gimmicks like a seemingly fragile but latently super-powered illegitimate child. 

Clark Kent is back!

And so is this bald son of a bitch.

My next major complaint has to do with the fact that Superman lifts a continent made out of kryptonite up into outer space. It doesn't take comic book guy from the Simpsons to point out what's wrong with that. I don't know how many comic books Brian Singer has read, but when Superman is exposed to even a small amount of kryptonite he barely has the strength to stay on his feet. Whoever had the idea to have him fly a large island made out of his greatest weakness into space has no business being associated with any Superman-related projects ever again. The concept is as ridiculous as making a Dracula movie where the title character has a stake through his heart and still manages to fly a spaceship made out of garlic into the sun. Why not just have Superman eat kryptonite? He can eat it and then brush his teeth with it, and then go to sleep in kryptonite pajamas. That's not any more absurd then having him hoist a continent of kryptonite into space and then fall powerless through the atmosphere without burning up in re-entry or splattering all over central park when he hits the ground.

My third major complaint has to do with the fact that Singer slaps movie-goers across the face with religious symbolism the entire movie. I have to take issue with his characterization of Superman as the only son of a God-like Jor-el sent to Earth to be a savior. Jor-el wasn't all-wise, he was just a scientist. And he didn't send his son to earth to be a savior, he threw him in a rocket and hurriedly fired it into space because his planet was about to explode. I'll buy the Christ allegory if Bryan Singer can show me the part in the Bible where God sends Christ to Earth because Heaven was about to explode, and then radioactive pieces of Heaven become Christ's primary weakness. Furthermore, the "crucifixion" scene where Luthor stabs Superman in the side with a kryptonite "spear" just makes me want to slam my face into a brick until I'm too brain-dead to notice the brazenly obvious and inappropriate symbolism that will be tainting the man of steel for the foreseeable future. They might as well rename this movie "Superman Returns: the Passion of the Christ."

It smells like bald rats here.

Lex Luthor: a fucking back stabber!

And speaking of Luthor, my last major complaint has to do with Singer's depiction of Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor is a shrewd, cold-hearted business tycoon who is more apt to run for President (which he does in the comics) than try to destroy the world. The man wants money and power; he wants to be in charge, not wreck everything. Yet the Luthor we see in Superman Returns, as well as all the previous Superman movies, is a wacky theatrical dunce who comes up with zany schemes to destroy the world but, hey this is a tribute movie, so instead of going to the comic book source to deliver a more accurate villain, let's just settle for the idea of paying homage to every character that appeared in the original Superman movies.

Now, as the rest of the cast, uhm, well, Kate Bosworth delivers the worst lifeless Lois Lane celluloid has ever seen! she's a cold bitch who seems to be depressed all the time. Despite being way more beautiful than Margot Kidder (the original Lois Lane) I settle for Kidder's take on the character. By the way, where in the world is Kate Bosworth now? has her acting gotten any better? Oh yeah, she's taking pictures in bikini suits and also in the nude at home.

Not another blonde in bikini.

Why Superman doesn't love me?

James Marsdem (Cyclops in the X-Men movies) is also in the film as Lois Lane's fiancee Richard White and, well, that's pretty much what he does. his character is a cliched successful business man who is in love with the right girl, living the right life and bla bla bla. If Singer wasted him in his X-Men films, guess what? he tries too hard to compensate that here giving him a role nobody gives a fuck about.  There are other characters of course but, they're too expendable to deserve a mention in this honorable blog. By the way! there are also some very well crafted Marlon Brando scenes where he reprises his role as the original Jor-El.

Plot wise, Superman Returns is also, a tribute. Lex Luthor, who for reasons left unexplained, is free again, steals  Superman's fortress of solitude crystals to use their power to grow new land somewhere in the north Atlantic ocean. This resembles what happened in the original film where Luthor planned to bomb Saint Andrew's fall in order to be able of selling land he bought on the cheap. On the other hand there's the broken romance between Lois Lane & Superman who left one day to return after five years without kissing his girl goodbye. You see, Superman, wanted to use his Kryptonian space ship to travel into deep space to find surviving Kryptonians. Obviously, he failed and returned to earth only to find Lois Lane's been fucking a new man who can fly (airplanes that is) and she is also a mother of an enigmatic asthmatic boy. Lane also earned a Pulitzer prize for the "Why the World doesn't Need Superman" article.  

And it's gone.

Gosh I better rush to the Legends of Tomorrow casting!

Overall, Superman Returns as a tribute movie, works fairly nice. However, as a new Superman movie, it really doesn't offer much. Weak plot, weaker acting and an urgent & forced sense of nostalgia that isn't enough to keep the viewer entertained. The romance sub plot is cheesy and boring as fuck. The action scenes are good but there are very few of them in a two hour & a half movie.  I've said this before: Bryan Singer doesn't like comic books! he's never read a single one in his entire life! Take a look at the suit! the darker colors resemble the suit Superman wore in Superman III when he was exposed to red kryptonite and yet Singer claims Superman Returns takes place right after the events of Superman II, completely ignoring Superman III & Superman IV The Quest for Peace. Someone please tell this son of a bitch, to stop making , or should I say, raping comic book characters till the point they're barely recognizable by actual comic book fans. Fortunately, the sequel never happened and Singer quit the superhero business for a while. Zach Snyder's latest take on Superman is far superior, and I totally support and recommend watching Man of Steel & Batman V Superman. Comic book fans know better. Also, Brandon Routh has been doing pretty well on DC's Legends of Tomorrow as The Atom.

Here's the movie trailer:

And here's the "Honest Trailers" trailer of the film:

Stay tuned for more and eat your vegetables!

DC's Legends of Tomorrow

The past collides with the future.

Yes! more superhero reviews please! because we're so not satisfied with millions of daily posts on your -insert favorite social network- timeline, and let's not even mention the thousands of moronic fan theories that populate internet and need to be flushed ASAP. When I was a kid, reading comic books was thought to be a childish activity only weak kids with a talent for wasting time would like. Hell! I even remember some of my asshole classmates giving the "you're a weirdo" stare. Boy, fast forward a few years to the present time and  look at how things have changed significantly since those days. It turns out reading comic books, or watching comic book movies and serials is now a cool thing, and since self-esteem is a timeless human defection, even those who bullied comic book readers are now super stars (yes, Robert Downey Jr, this one's for you) just because it makes them trendy and profitable.

DC Comics and Marvel Comics, the two greater comic book household names , couldn't care less about who beats who in ratings and sales as long as they're around. So, the SPAM Alternative strongly supports those who can enjoy a good comic book, or comic book movie or serial from any author, and encourages you to not fall in the click bait trap of "DC v/s Marvel" just to earn likes for assholes that don't deserve a shit. 

Rip Hunter is on a mission.

Vandal Savage is the mission.

As above mentioned, in the past people who liked comic books weren't popular but today it's a whole new story, so what deals with the past, the present and the future at the same time? Bingo! DC's Legends of Tomorrow! 

Currently running for a sixteen episode first season, we got to know the characters all too well and have enough material to write a a more in depth review.

The concept of a super powered group is one that works very well in a comic, but can be a problem when attempted on the TV or movie screens because there just isn't enough time to do justice to each character. Luckily, for LEGENDS, we've already met them on ARROW and THE FLASH, so there is little or no need for exposition. The story gets going from the get go and the group is brought together before the first commercial break. Rogue time traveler Rip Hunter, whose family is slaughtered in the next century by the immortal Vandal Savage, recruit's a rag tag group of heroes and villains to travel in time and thwart Savage's master plan to conquer the earth. The LEGENDS, such as they are, are made up of some of the more compelling characters from The CW's other super hero shows, all of whom might not have been able to anchor a series of their own, but together they add up one great super group.

Superhero stance!

Lovebirds. No pun intended.

Brandon Routh, who once starred box office failure Bryan Singer's Superman Returns, is Ray Palmer, The Atom, a cocky millionaire with a high tech suit that allows him to shrink in size. Blonde bombshell, Caity Loitz is Sara Lance, once Black Canary, now White Canary a reanimated assassin who's been having problems since being revived by the Lazarus Pit. Victor Garber and Franz Drameh are Firestorm, a duo who together makes up a single being capable of flying and shooting energy bursts. Falk Hentschel and Ciara Renee are Hawkman and Hawkgirl, super beings who have been reincarnated down through the ages. Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell are Captain Cold and Heat Wave, two bad guys who know an opportunity when they see one. All are brought together by Arthur Darvill's Rip Hunter to battle savage by telling them that in the future these also rans are "legends." Their first mission brings them to New Orleans in 1975, where they must find a Professor who had information that might be valuable in locating Savage. We don't get to see too much of the Dazed and Confused era and the whole "let's go see someone who might know something" is such a trope, but there is a nice twist for the Hawk people when they get there and nice battle with a time traveling bounty hunter. In addition, Miller gets off a line that is priceless.

What I like about LOT (Legends of Tomorrow from here on) is that we have all met them on the other shows, where each one was given a spotlight to shine, but they've never actually worked together and there is great natural dramatic tension when straight arrows like The Atom and Firestorm have to work with bad guys like Cold and Heat Wave. I'll admit to always being a fan of the bad guys and Miller and Purcell were real favorites of mine whenever they appeared on The Flash (they were great on Prison Break as well), but the others more than hold their own; loved the scene with the two villains and Black Canary visiting the bar in 1975 New Orleans. The cast has good chemistry, which is a big plus for this show. The time travel to avert an apocalypse concept is nothing new, and of course, full of paradoxes (but who cares, it's TV). The special effects are more than up to the level of The CW's other super hero shows. 

Out of the way Justice League wannabes!

Go ahead, make our day Vandal Savage.

Now, in the past DC Comics had a Batman live action series and a couple of live action series of Superman as well, which brings us to the question, why can't they simply do a Justice League series instead of Legends of Tomorrow?, why Supergirl instead of Superman? Why Gotham instead of Batman? Maybe the answer is because TV studios can't afford them (the same goes for Marvel Studios with Daredevil as the only exception to this) Be that as it may, Legends of Tomorrow, doesn't intend to be a minor Justice League iteration, in fact, it is its own thing. Despite not being taken from any actual comic book source, this made for TV superhero team delivers a fair amount of entertainment with each episode. There is chemistry in the team and there is evil chemistry in Vandal Savage's expendable friends du jour.   Like Supergirl, LOT is light hearted and doesn't take itself too seriously. Messing with time travel can always be a controversial issue that would drive fans crazy with ease on theories "they" think are based upon real science, yet they still love Back to the Future madly. Fan boys, you can't get any worse than that. 

As for comic book accuracy, forget it! you don't need it here. If there is something to complain about LOT is maybe, and just maybe, that the two supposed lead roles are perhaps the least appealing in all the super group: Hawkman & Hawkgirl are the ones to fulfill a prophecy to stop Vandal Savage and yet, they fucking suck some major ass. On the other hand, Atom, Firestorm, White Canary, Capt Cold & Heatwave steal the show. Rip Hunter feels a bit too much on the side of a Doctor Who knock off (as a matter of fact, Arthur Darvil worked in the series for a couple of seasons) What else? oh! the fact they are always stating you don't have to mess with time altering sort of ends up as a big contradiction as each episode goes by. Other LOT viewers have stated things like "why doesn't Rip Hunter travel backs a few minutes before his family is murdered?" or "Why don't they travel back to the time Vandal Savage was in her mother's womb?"

The real reason behind me watching the show.

If they ever kill her character, I'm done with LOT then.

Anyways, the series is granted a 16 episode first season with a promising finale that will bring more interesting characters to the team. Rumor has it, Alan Scott's Green Lantern will show up in the season finale and that would be just plain awesome! He's a great golden era character that  has a lot to offer in the TV format. Other rumors say that it will actually be another longtime fan favorite: Booster Gold (Fuck! I like him too! and he's a time traveler too!) This season finale is scheduled for May 19th. Other heroes that could make their way onto LOT are Animal Man, Vixen and Elongated Man. Here's the source for the info.  In addition, there could be a LOT/Supergirl crossover, which could either happen by the end of LOT's first season or during the second season since Supergirl's first season is over as of yesterday. 

Overall, LOT is an entertaining show for casual fans of the genre. Not that hardcore fans will hate it but, since it doesn't truly exist in the DC Comics universe, that can scare fanboys away. I for one, like it for what it is, a good lighthearted action series. In addition, is nice, and I say this as a lifetime comic book reader, it is really nice to give room to characters that can be as interesting (or even more) as the most popular characters DC Comics has, so that's really appreciated. Let's hope one day they bring to life Mr. Miracle & Big Barda.

Here's the trailer for LOT:

And the teaser for this week's episode "Last Refuge" :