Sidekicks

Meet your idols.

I think it's never too late to pay homage to your childhood stars. With the recent passing of Chuck Norris, I realized I never reviewed any of his films, even though I've seen them all, and some I've seen more than once. Yet, there is something special about Sidekicks, one of the worst rated flicks from his filmography that makes up for a fitting tribute. In a nutshell, Sidekicks is about a young school kid with asthma that daydreams of one day meeting his hero Chuck Norris. This kid has rewatched his films on VHS tape more times than anybody else, and the passion goes as far as daydreaming in school and being nicknamed "Barry the dreamer" by some of his bully classmates. 

First of all, the film features a stellar cast of names widely recognized if you grew up in the 80s. Beau Bridges, Danica McKellar, Julia Nickson-Soul, and of course Jonathan Brandis in the lead plus Chuck Norris as himself.  

I've got Chuck, you've got nothing.

Barry Gabrewski is a troubled and bullied asthmatic boy who lives with his widowed father, Jerry, in Houston, Texas. A loner, Barry has vivid daydreams about being Chuck Norris' sidekick, and about battling against Norris' movie enemies. Said foes are often personified by Barry's everyday nemeses, such as class bully Randy Cellini; Coach Horn, their loudmouthed and demanding PE instructor; and apathetic English teacher Mapes. Noreen Chan, Barry's favorite teacher, often plays the damsel-in-distress in these daydreams, most of which parody assorted Chuck Norris films (notably Missing in Action, The Delta Force, and The Hitman).  However, the execution of those dreams make the film seem dated, as one would easily think this kid has developed some sort of autistic/psychological condition that requires treatment, instead of the usual 80s it's-just-a-phase advice. Of course, these dreams serve the purpose of allowing the viewer to see Chuck Norris reprising some of his famous roles while holding no connection to the world in which Barry lives. On the other hand, we could agree these dreams represent the naivety of the teenage protagonist. He's neither a grown man, nor is he looking forward to that. These dreams keep him going, since school isn't the friendliest place to be. 

Chuck Norris, a real action hero.

This kid is everyone's kid in the late 80s/ early 90s.

Later, and thanks to the power of cinema magic, his favorite teacher, Miss Noreen Chan, receives the visit from uncle Lee, who's coming to town to manage the restaurant her late parents inherited her. This leads our teacher into thinking she could lend a hand helping Barry achieve his dream of becoming a martial artist. After the typical trials in the style of Karate Kid, Kickboxer and many other 80s films, the kid is ready to be trained in martial arts.

Sidekicks was filmed primarily in Houston, TX. It was the pet project of well-known Houston furniture outlet owner Jim "Mattress Mac" McIngvale, who (in partnership with Chuck Norris and his "Kick Drugs out of Schools" campaign) invested 8 million dollars in producing this movie. Chuck Norris, who had appeared in many local television commercials for McIngvale, suggested the idea of creating this film, and McIngvale agreed to finance and produce it. 

Plotwise, the story doesn't distance itself from hundreds of films following the hero's journey narrative. I've always wondered if all these flicks pushed the bully presence in schools as something that is as American as baring guns.There are no teenage films without them, since they clearly serve a purpose of making the viewer feel unease and disgusted by the presence of these annoying characters who ultimately get what they deserve in the hands of their victims. 

 

Losers never get the girl.

Heroes on the other hand...

The supporting cast is modest. We have Miss Chan, her uncle Mr. Lee, Barry's father and Lauren. The teacher being a key character, as she aids Barry into transforming his dreams into reality. As any good education professional, she believes in change. Mr. Lee serves as a mild comic relief while also being Barry's martial arts master. Lauren, serves as the love interest yet is a character that didn't age well. In a  nutshell, she hangs out with Barry because she feels sorry for him. Once things change and Barry kicks the bully's ass in the school's gym, for no reason at all she's surprised he can fight, and so she decides he is a fit candidate for whatever it is you want that when in school. Her role is stereotyped and dated by today's standards. 

In a nutshell, Sidekicks, serves both as a homage to Chuck Norris career, and a cautionary tale about bullying that never gets old. Moreover, the mentoring figure theme is also quite strong. Of course, in these days where we have millions of influencers trying to tell you what to do with your life and money, having a mentor may seem irrelevant, but back then having someone to look up to, had a whole different meaning. 

Rest in peace Chuck Norris...

 

Deranged

Obscure, yet a must watch.

 

It's been a long while since I reviewed B-movies. The never-ending list of retro Anime I had to post, kept me in the Japanese field for several years, and it will continue for a while, as I'm still revisiting some I haven't reviewed yet. Anyway, streaming services sometimes provide you with a list of interesting more obscure films from decades past. Such is the case of today's review, a horror masterpiece that went under the radar for decades until it was rediscovered and properly issued on VHS format in the early 1990s by American International Pictures, owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, thus fully available now on Prime Video. 

Allegedly, Deranged is based on the crimes of Ed Gein, an American murderer from Plainfield, Wisconsin. Legend has it, Psycho & The Texas Chainsaw Massacre where both based upon the crimes from this man. I'll spare the details so that you can enjoy the film, and Google details yourself.  In a nutshell, this Canuxploitation psychological horror story, tries to retell the story from the earlier murderer in the fictional character of Ezra Cobb, masterfully portrayed by Roberts Blossom. Cobb is a middle-aged man from the rural midwest near an unnamed town. 

 

Family dinner.

In-your face horror.

Considering this is a 1974 movie, most of the elements that describe the lead and his victims may be seen today as derivative or stereotypical. Yet, the storytelling is compelling. The locations, soundtrack and few characters translate the idea of being a loner in the middle of nowhere for too long. Roberts Blossom, a classically trained theater actor and poet, really brings to life the disgusting psychopathic aspects of Ezra Cobb, yet he also unveils the scars, fears and weaknesses of a character that at times seems to be the actual victim of the story.  You see, Ezra has seen no life outside his farm, and spent most of his life care-taking for his mother Amanda, a religious fanatic who managed to indoctrinate Ezra into abhorring women. Once his mother dies, he has no reason left to live. No one to talk to, no one to cook for, no one to see hours go by while hoping for a recovery that will never come. 

A whole year goes by, and Ezra starts having aural hallucinations from his mother demanding to be brought back home, and here is where the movie actually starts. Ezra brings the corpse of her late mother home, but seeing her skin has dried and deteriorated he decides to find "spare parts" in other bodies of recently deceased people. The obituary proves to be more helpful than LinkedIn when searching for a job, and so does the horror story unravels. 

Build-your-own mask.

 

Psychopaths also love boobs.

Deranged costed only US$20,000 to produce, a modest budget even for the 1970s. Yet, the true horror does not lay in the way victims are murdered but more into the process where Mr. Cobb works with, LinkedIn recruitment precision, to find the perfect match.  Graphic violence, while moderate, doesn't truly carry the horror we're looking for. Performances are key on this film, where even though characters don't do much beyond what they're needed for, they do reinforce our main character's psychological profile, and having Roberts Blossom as the lead, truly brings this criminal to life. 

The original cut of the film featured a scene where the lead killer feeds from a skull. The scene was removed from early releases, and it is sadly removed in the version you can stream on Prime Video, although the scene doesn't add anything new about the deranged Ezra, it graphically depicts his mental state.

Now, as above mentioned in the first paragraph, the story of Ed Gein has been taken to the small and big screen on several occasions, and now that streaming rules-supreme, Netflix did their own revisiting.On September 16, 2024, it was announced that the third season of Monster would focus on convicted murderer and suspected serial killer Ed Gein. On October 4,2024 it was confirmed that the season would be titled The Original Monster, exploring Ed Gein's life as the first "celebrity serial killer" and examining how true crime evolved into a pop culture phenomenon. Principal photography reportedly began the next month. The season was announced to be retitled to Monster: The Ed Gein Story in August 2025. 

 Here's the original TV Spot for Deranged:

 

Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair

As Tarantino intended.

Yes, I haven't written as many reviews as I used in the past five years. Not because I haven't watched anything since then, but most likely because social networks have completely taken over the world of reviews with their youtubers and tiktokers sharing their biased, sometimes lacking, viewpoints.

On the other hand, written reviews have also been monopolized by paywalls that have dubious experts polishing the latest turds. Moreover, and this is the end of my rant, they say the movie industry is dying because of streaming services that know their viewers all too well: Short stories with the simplest so that they can continue doom-scrolling their socials while the actors on screen have explained their reasons for doing what they're doing for the tenth time on several episodes. 

Quentin Tarantino has got to be one of the last filmmakers that truly love cinema. Not only is he a director, but also a curator with surgeon knife precision, when it comes to bringing a script to life through some of the most memorable characters we have seen on screen since the early 90s. Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair is a gargantuan 4 hour and 36 minute experience not for the faint of the heart. Or at least, not for those in deep need of checking their phone screens every 5 minutes. 

Behind the blood bath.

They call her One Eye.

Seeing this film on the big screen 23 years after its original premiere, feels refreshing, compelling, and satisfactory. It's no secret the movie industry has been going down since the superhero craze. Now, all you see on screen is either a children's flick, an exhausted new superhero film, a lame remake, and that's pretty much it. People no longer remember going to the movies as a cultural act. An act of appreciating art in the room that was designed to bring the experience to life like no other place would.  Now, they're a bunch of couch potatoes on their phones while the TV is on. 

Kill Bill is one of the best films of all time. It is a homage to everything Tarantino loves about the film industry, and he knows his audience very well. Casual movie goers would neither think about the quality of a film, nor their artistic value. Seeing Kill Bill is seeing samurai films from the 1950s, martial arts B-movies from the 60s, obscure revenge films from the 70s, and slashers from the 80s. All with the twist of having a marvelous script with wonderful characters, and actors that excel at bringing such characters to life. No matter when you experienced Kill Bill for the first or the last time. You will forever remember its characters and plot.

Tarantino & Thurman promoting the "after credits scene".

 

Most beautiful celluloid assassin.

Once we got to the intermission, a girl no older than 20 asks me "Excuse me folk, what is an intermission?" and I replied "it means you have a 15 minute break". So she and her friend went out, like the majority of viewers did. This is where I realized: "Quentin Tarantino has achieved the legendary level". New generations are discovering his films for the first time, and regardless of not grasping every reference, or context from years past, they get they're watching a quality film that was made with durability in mind.  The majority of the people that were there, must have been 20 to 30 years old. The older viewers, like myself, a proud 44 year older, must have been the least in the room. I don't blame them, sitting for four hours straight, is not an easy task. Although I was prepared with my large bucket of popcorn and Sprite Zero, the intermission felt like the coming of a lifeboat. I could stand up, and walk for a little. 

Time for a walk.

"Now, We return to Kill Bill".

Does Kill Bill: TWBA feature extra/new scenes? 

Yes, it does. For the part we used to call "Volume 1" there is an expanded animated scene where we see Oren Ishii avenge his parents from every murdering bastard that was in the scene. I gotta admit, it didn't feel like filler at all. It could have been in the original version with no issues. Other minor shots appear when Beatrix Kiddo is fighting the crazy 88 in the restaurant, but you have to be quick, because these new angles go fast. Moreover, the famous fight, which was spent in black & white in the original cut, is now back to its bloody colorful massacre original intention. Gallons of blood are all over the screen, and I couldn't help but laugh, at youngsters being horrified with some of the most gruesome deaths.  

Unlike other old films brought back to theaters for anniversary celebrations, Kill Bill's return has got nothing to do with celebrating nostalgia. It is, let's say the "director's cut" we never got to see in 2003. A movie with such long runtime would mean theaters would technically lose money showing one instead of two films in a four hour time frame. Fast forward to 2026, and we can easily list films that are longer than 3 and even 5 hours! Two quick examples: The Batman & Zack Snyder's Justice League.

Last Duel.

 

Easy peasy.

Does Kill Bill: TWBA feels like a better film compared to the two original volumes?

No, it does not. The original volumes are the same movie only without the expanded animé scene. Moreover, this new take removes completely the opening black & white credits where Beatrix Kiddo is driving retelling what happened on volume 1 and where she's heading. Save for that, Volume 2 plays in its entirety as does volume 1 with a few added minutes. The seamless experience was already there in the original version of both films.  

Overall, a reminder of what great films used to be when the industry cared about art, and it wasn't force-fed into an algorithm that seems nearly impossible to avoid.