The Avengers XXX, a Porn Parody

Parodies have certainly saved porn industry.

Porn parodies are nothing new (we've been having them since the golden era of VHS tapes) but we’ve definitely entered a day when a Hollywood film and its smutty cousin can achieve, shall we say, simultaneous release. Vivid entertainment has a long term relationship with science fiction porn parodies. Although, they have mostly made films about superheroes, they recently extended their catalogue with other sci-fi classics such as Star Wars.

I’m a comics nerd and, as such, I watched The Avengers movie in glorious 3D in theaters and then rewatch it like a couple of extra times, and yes, I think the Blu-Ray/DVD release of the film scheduled for september is too far from where we are today, and I'm anxious enough as to look for  ‘The Avengers XXX,’ parody to make the waiting a little more pleasant. I really wanted to watch it, but I know a thousand interesting ways to use my credit card for, and none of those thousand ways include paying for a porn movie. Also, I wouldn't like to see my wife seeing the bill. Luckily, there is always a way though...

Hawkeye likes training with Natasha Romanoff, you know.

Hawkeye trains his tongue into fighting russian spies' pussies.

The Widow trains capturing cocks with her giant vagina.

Aren't these the heroes we deserve?

‘The Avengers XXX’ is, in its own way, surprisingly knowledgeable about the Marvel Universe. Its authors clearly had their hands on some funnybooks in their day. The story begins with Bruce Banner naked in the desert after a big brawl with Abomination in Las Vegas.(just like the fight they actually had in comic books) 

We then move to New York City and a secret meeting held by Nick Fury of S.H.E.I.L.D.(no  I didn't mispell it) Hawkeye is there and his complaints about the low-rent nature of the digs help to explain away the obvious inconsistency of this secret agency bunkering in a cold room with zero technology. In fact, it is Hawkeye the one who utters one of the most memorable lines of the film “The Fantastic Four get the Baxter Building and we get an old abandoned warehouse. . .”

Nick Fury's secret shaft attack.

Some Battle! The mighty Thor against She-Hulk's mighty twat.

Miss Marvel shares some pussy love with Scarlet Witch.

So, the opening scene (the one with the most talking I might add) introduces some, but not all of the characters. Nick Fury goes around the table to say hello to everyone. He calls Carol Danvers Miss Marvel, which I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like (it’s MS. Marvel!) and he flat out ignores Sharon Carter, who is sitting right next to him. (Maybe this is part of his mindgame, because you won’t believe what she does to him later to ensure he doesn’t forget her.) 

Anyway, the mission is clear: they must stop the Hulk. The group starts to bicker so Scarlet Witch silences all sound frequencies but her own so she can yell at them all. And that's mostly it for the storyline. After everyone's understood what they gotta do, they go about their business and you know their business means fuck the shit out of your partner as soon as you can, so yes, we come to mind that this is another porn parody and not a superhero movie. However, that doesn't mean this movie sucks. In fact, the hottest superhero porn parodies, speaking of high quality standards, come from Vivid Entertainment, so you're in for a rollercoaster ride of fun.   

MS Marvel's marvelous twat.

Some lesbo superhero action.

Scarlet Twat.

Overall, ‘The Avengers XXX, a Porn Parody’ ain’t bad for what it is, a porn parody. Thor’s moment of brooding mentions Hela’s Realm and the Midgard Serpent, keeping in line with ‘Thor’ being the movie with the most amount of Easter Eggs. I can’t deny that the young woman who plays Carol Danvers, one Lexi Swallow, is a natural – and Danni Cole’s Scarlet Witch shows a keenness to please that is typical from a daughter of an evil father. I can’t say the whole film works as more than a collection of porn scenes, and has nothing compared to the climax in Joss Whedon’s picture, which I think is the greatest superhero movie of all times.

Here's the all audiences movie trailer: