History never repeats, unless it's an Andy Sidaris film of course.
Andy Sidaris may not be considered as one of the most important film makers of its time, but he sure has made an impression in the world of film making with his 12 movie collection that made a genre on its own: girls, guns & g-strings. The problem with his films is that most of them are about the same story, sharing the same actors and gals, plus repeating over and over the Hawaiian settings and the explosion scenes, with a barely sustainable plot that's only there for letting the playboy girls and porn actresses get naked and/or get laid for a reason. At first it may seem like a very entertaining premise, but after watching 3 to 4 of the Sidaris films you feel overdosed and having a bad kick out of it.
Having now watched 10 out of the 12 movies Andy Sidaris directed between 1987 and 1997 (not sure, maybe 1998) you left the theater very dissapointed and with plenty of questions, for instance, Why didn't he make porn movies instead? I mean, he had pornstars and he didn't use their full talent in any of his movies. Besides, I think, Sidaris had a very cynical point of view, cause he wanted to make some Benjamins by the mere fact of having playmates displaying their tits and asses all over, so where's the difference between the idea behind a porn movie and an erotic flick of this kind? I really don't know. In fact the porn industry has improved quite a lot since the early 90's adding storylines and consistent plots to not only go straight to the money shot scene, cause they don't want you to quit on porn, but I guess Sidaris made us want to quit on him, cause he didn't worry about the elements that make a movie, a worth watching movie and don't get me wrong, I don't want an Oscar winning script, just an entertaining film, which in the end is the whole reason for which movies are made: entertainment.
Tits in the lead role.
More boring softcore sex.
Twats, we want twats!
Anyways Enemy Gold is about a trio of suspended federal agents -- Chris Cannon (played by Bruce
Penhall), his childhood pal Mark Austin (Mark
Barriere), and spunky Becky Midnite (a winningly perky portrayal by the
adorable Suzi Simpson) -- search for a hidden gold treasure while
vacationing in the woods. Meanwhile, evil drug lord Santiago (pleasingly impersonated by Rodrigo Obregon) hires lethal assassin Jewel
Panther (pornstar
Julie Strain) to kill the agents so he can have the gold for himself.
Andy's son Christian Drew Sidaris takes over as director here and
proves to be a real chip off the ol' breezy'n'cheesy B-flick block:
There's abundant yummy female nudity, an amusing sense of cheeky humor,
scorching soft-core sex scenes, big splashy explosions, a constant
snappy pace, and competently staged action set pieces. However you will find all of the above mentioned in every Andy Sidaris movie, so that doesn't seem to be too original anymore. However, the film does have a fair quota of entertainment if you're into this kind of films.
This shower nude scene has been seen in most of Sidaris films.
Boring.
Nice butts.
Perhaps if you haven't watched any of the Andy Sidaris films you may find this worth watching, but if you have met your way with two or more Sidaris movies you already know what to expect, and believe me, even for a B movie connoisseur his overplayed formula get to your nerves quite quickly. However, his movies are somehow relevant for they intend to bring back the room the good old sexploitation movies had in the 70's & 80's, but, that's it. You neither won't find award winning acting, nor award writing talents. If you wanna get bored watching tits & asses I bet you can go to the internet and watch plenty of porn to satisfy your boredom. Besides, you'll see real sex being performed in a thousand different ways on the many free online porn sites that now seem to plague the internet universe.
Suzi Simpson, a fresh adition to the gals list.
Tai Collins, another newcomer.
I had two Andy Sidaris films left to review, but I'm pretty sure you'll find the info through the web. I'm through with Sidaris. There are hundreds of way more interesting sexploitations films out there. See you next time, as now I'm heading to theater for The Avengers 3D.
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