The Opening Of Misty Beethoven

Pubic War Days.

For a brief moment in the mid '70's, before herpes, AIDS; at the beginning of the disco revolution and the absolute beginnings of the VCR, American society had grown up enough to allow genuine adult entertainment on the mainstream big screen as entertainment and not disguised as a morality play like "Reefer Madness."(shall I review it later?) Unlike its predecessors, "Deep Throat"(coming soon in a review) and "The Devil in Miss Jones," "The Opening of Misty Beethoven" features rich production values and exotic locations. The production values of this film are on par with most Hollywood productions at the time and huge cut above "B" movies of the era.

So, here it is, the Holy Grail of adult cinema, the finest porn film ever made both by critical consensus as from a fan's point of view. Director Radley Metzger of course had a solid background in mainstream movie-making with tasteful titillation along the lines of CAMILLE 2000 and THERESE AND ISABELLE to his credit before taking the plunge into explicit territory with a mere five high class productions. SCORE and THE PUNISHMENT OF ANNE, both of which contain a little bit of hardcore footage, don't really count as they're borderline cases.

Diddle her skittle.

THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN rests proudly in the middle of this fabulous five-some, following THE PRIVATE AFTERNOONS OF PAMELA MANN and NAKED CAME THE STRANGER yet preceding BARBARA BROADCAST and MARASCHINO CHERRY. It has charm, style, wit and grace, qualities not usually associated with pornography. Every aspect of production has been handled with the utmost care, from its sumptuous cinematography (as good as any seen in big studio movies from the same period) to its lively soundtrack by rock group Elephant's Memory. Unlike other well-produced adult fare though, this one also has all the scorching sex to cement its legendary reputation for generations to come. This is the kind of adult film that should sway even the most ardent of naysayers, unless the very thought of explicit eroticism repels them. It was made by and for intelligent people who can also appreciate a good dirty joke.

Let the training begin.

Beauty like no other.

Borrowing its plot from Shaw's PYGMALION, MISTY finds noted sexologist Dr Seymour Love (porn's bad boy Jamie Gillis cast against type and delivering a career performance) cruising the streets of Paris and running into a coarse streetwalker by name of Misty – formerly Dolores – Beethoven, played to perfection by the all too rarely seen Constance Money who made only a handful of flicks. Never one to resist a challenge and fired up because of a wager with fellow jet-setter Geraldine (one time performer Jaqueline Beudant), Seymour invites the girl to come along to his mansion in the States where he will groom her to become the next "Goldenrod Girl" of naughty magazine publishing tycoon Lawrence Lehman (played by Ras Kean, star of Armand Weston's brilliant EXPOSE ME, LOVELY), a title only bestowed on women who're revered the world over for their exceptional beauty, sensuality and lovemaking skills. On a crash course, Misty's put through her sexual paces, gaining insight and technique as she's presented with a number of "difficult" cases for seduction. All the while, she is falling in love with her mentor who doesn't (or pretends not to) notice… It is absolutely impossible to overpraise this film. While other adult movies made since may eclipse it in certain areas, there has yet to be made another one that surpasses it in all aspects. The sheer brilliance of the leads is ably supported by a cast filled to the brim with fan favorites, most of whom deliver equally fine performances vertically as well as horizontally. Terri Hall (the leading lady from Gerard Damiano's STORY OF JOANNA) shines as ballerina Tanya who does a sweltering Sapphic number on beautiful Beudant.

a mouth is better than two hands.

Misty is hard at work.

Gay porn icon Casey Donovan (BOYS IN THE SAND) plays the effeminate gallery owner who finds himself at Misty's mercy and later supplied the buttocks for the Ras Kean rectal excavation portion of a three-way involving Misty and Gloria Leonard, the latter then at the start of what was to become a most distinguished career in the adult field. Mary Stuart (who had played the lead in Shaun Costello's extraordinary THE PASSIONS OF CAROL) and Jenny Baxter (from Costello's TRAVAILS OF JUNE) are stewardesses on a most peculiar airline in a sequence characteristic of the type of off the wall humor Metzger excelled at.

While the sex is explicit and at times shown in the kind of close-ups that makes one feel as if they are a gynecologist, few of the sex scenes follow the pattern of modern pornography where the partners are filmed in close-up and changing positions every three to five minutes. On one hand, little of the sex between the main characters is gratuitous, yet, since this IS a sex film, it can be argued it is ALL gratuitous. The story is clearly a twist on the classic "My Fair Lady" theme. Can a lowly, "civil servant" class sex worker be elevated to the pinnacles of being a sexual legend? The dialog can be very witty at times and the movie doesn't mind stopping the "action" for a few good lines. The acting is above average for the period. The hip, very vogue fashions of the day are a wonderful flashback to another time and may be worth witnessing for their own value.

Not even the Star Wars opening sequence is so epic.

A little more to the left please.

By 1978's "Debbie Does Dallas," the moment was over. Production values had fallen along with the caliber of the story lines and quality of the actors ability to act. Theater owners were under political pressure about showing such explicit movies. Mainstream Hollywood never took the bait to make their own adult productions, marginalizing the industry. And most importantly, there was a new technology entering the homes of Americans that would allow people to view such explicit content in the privacy of their homes, the VCR (first introduced to consumers as the Sony Betamax in 1975).  

Here's the recently updated movie trailer made to promote the DVD/Blu Ray release of this true classic of porn when porn was classy: