Scooby Doo, a XXX Parody

Probably the best porn parody ever.

Remember how in the previous post we told you this, and thousands of Blogger Blogs would disappear just because Google decided adult content would no longer be tolerated? Well, they couldn't! Net Neutrality won, and they realized on time doing that would be a big mistake, a step back and an eventual loss of millions of dollars. So, in order to celebrate our human given right of freedom, we'll review a porn parody film. There have been porn parodies reviewed here before (check the label section for Batman, Spiderman and more parodies) However, before we get down to business, I'd like to point out this blog has never been, and never will  be a porn blog just because. This is an adult site because of the writing that is developed here, that's reason number 1. Reason number 2 is we often review exploitation/sexploitation films that obviously, relly on nudity and simulated sex to develop a story, thus creating an identity that separate these films from other genres. In addition, if the porn subject comes to our blog is 100% because the film offers something else BESIDES the usual sex scenes I'm sure most of the internet users know where to find them when they feel like servicing themselves. Neither sexuality, nor nudity are a perverted practice, moreover, they're human practices that grant our existence in the first place. The female body is perfection, it is not a mean of vane cheap advertisement strategies, if there is something dirty to speak of, well, that is your mind, your fucking mind, remember What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (a Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention song) Well, take a good listen at it.

 

So, Scooby Doo, a XXX Parody is a 2011 film directed by Eddie Powell (yes, these films do have a set of people hard working behind the camera) written by Tyler Scott and starred by experienced porn starlet Bree Olson as Daphne; the exquisite Bobbi Starr as Velma; Chad Alva as Shaggy and Michael Vegas as Fred.

The film obviously exploits the fantasies we've all had with the legendary Hanna-Barbera cartoon characters. Let's be honest, we've always wondered What if Daphne & Velma were adult characters?; how would they behave next to Shaggy & Fred?; How would Shaggy & Fred feel about their beautiful colleagues? and the list would probably go on for ages but, truth be told being kinky is a human thing, something film makers and artists of all sorts know how to explore in order to answer all those questions we're naturally asking from time to time.

Smart is sexy.

We open with our title sequence as typically Scooby-ish background music plays. We scan over a close-up, out of focus item which from certain angles, appears to be a meat hook, a safety belt, or the Mastermind chair.

Finally, we find out what the mystery object is: It's Scooby Doo's dog collar. I can't be the only one who's already questioning the legality of this film, as if Scooby himself was involved, Mr Tyler Scott would be locked away by now.
Apparently our setup is that Scooby's gone missing, so that's the big dog's-penis-shaped elephant out of the room. And only 15 seconds in, I can confidently say that Fred is the most convincing out of the four, as far as similarity to the source material is concerned. Daphne (who is blonde, by the way - although it may just be to reinforce her stupidity) is writing, and Velma is being surprisingly snarky. Then she starts acting like a teenager and whining about how long Shaggy's description of the night Scooby went missing is taking. Shaggy claims it was at a "spooky Halloween party" with lots of boobs and vagina.

We cut to the party, where party music is thumping and people are wearing various spooky costumes, including one guy inexplicably in a toga. Shaggy arrives in normal clothes, where two girls he passes are groping each other's tits. Because that's how it works at parties. This random woman walks up to Shaggy, introduces herself as "Sin-D" and asks Shaggy if he wants to party with her. Then Shaggy suggests they fuck first. Sin-D accepts, and Shaggy, not for the last time in the porno, asks for a "reality check". He gets a biscuit and is offered cocktails.

The Velma we all dreamed of.

True friendship.

Back to the Gang's base, and Velma is whining again. She asks to be excused so she can "throw up". Daphne insinuates that "Somebody's pregnant!" "Somebody is clinically retarded" is Velma's reply. She leaves. Fred asks Shaggy to continue the story, and Shaggy does.

We return to the party, and sex begins. I can't write much about it, but it lasts 15 minutes. However, I cannot help but be underwhelmed by the size of Shaggy's penis. Maybe Sin-D has a big vagina. Or maybe his member is just small.

Just after Shaggy's finished, he is interrupted by some loud noises from behind the wall. Fred asks Velma (also through the wall) if she heard a sound. Velma returns and says "Sound? What sound?" Velma makes an excuse for the loud noise: that she dropped a contact lens... even though she wears glasses. Daphne, in a very stupid way, asks to find it. She finds only water. Velma asks Shaggy what happened next, but Shaggy says he doesn't remember. Velma partakes in some lampshade-hanging by asking Shaggy how he remembers all of the sex, but nothing else. Then she checks Daphne's notepad. She hasn't actually written anything on it, but "Daphne and Fred Forever". Fred has only drawn diagrams of boobs and a vagina. (how productive) Fred checks Velma's notes, but sees nothing on them. He notes that they're wet... and they have an odd smell. Velma takes them away before he can continue. Sensible, that's Velma.

Velma tries to get the Gang back on the case, at which point Shaggy notes that Sin-D had a birthmark by her vagina. As you do. Daphne gives the idea that maybe they might find Scooby if they go to the mansion and ask around. Finally, we get somewhere. But then we're derailed when it's revealed that Daphne wants to get pregnant with Fred. Fred suggests that, when they have sex, he cum in her mouth. She totally buys this. They start to begin the act, and Velma starts whining again. Shaggy asks for a reality check. This time he receives no biscuit.

Then Fred and Daphne proceed to fuck for about 12 minutes. Daphne doesn't shave so that you can get the true 70's feel when you see her beaver at work. Another funny thing is that Daphne wants to get pregnant, and that she happily agrees to try anal in order to see if that way she can get pregnant more easily (!)

What's under Velma's skirt.

True friends share everything.

Shaggy, having watched the whole thing, asks Velma if that really happened. It did. Or maybe he was just stoned and even Velma isn't real. But let's not go into that. Shaggy discovers that Velma's hand is on his crotch, and Velma keeps switching from freaked out to HAWT.

They have now driven to the mansion. Daphne questions Shaggy's sexual ability, at which point she and Velma have a bitch-off. The traditional creaky front door is opened - it's these details that make me like this parody - and Fred gives the traditional orders to split up and find some clues. More Scooby-ish music, and the Gang, suitably split, search around. Velma sneezes for some reason at one point. Then they sneak about in a line, and get sped up in some areas. Like I said, it's the little things that make watching this worthwhile.
We find Daphne fawning over an ornament with babies on it, when a hooded figure steps up behind her. Daphne has a vacantly wide-mouthed look on her face.

Cut to Shaggy and Velma. As soon as they rush into a rule, Velma removes her underwear and then admits her attraction to Shaggy. She reveals that when Shaggy was telling his story, she was turned on, and then went to the bathroom to masturbate while she was listening.
Then comes my favourite scene. There's something I love about masturbation scenes, I think it's a subconscious thing. However, when I look back over it, I find it pretty fucked up that I liked it, possibly owing to my description of that manly chick in that last Rant of mine. This explains some of the things that happened earlier. The sounds, and the "water", and the odd smell of Velma's notes... you can work that out for yourself.

Teamwork!

Back to the mansion. Velma, who is naked by now (not sure if continuity error, or just her getting naked in the time it took to tell him) takes out his dick. It is then that she makes the most cringeworthy line in the film when she says: "Jinkies, you do have a big cock... I can't believe I just said cock!" It pains me even to type it.

Velma, doing "obsessive" as best she can, and Shaggy proceed to have sex. It goes on for about 10 minutes. They then get dressed. Or try at least, because Fred stops them. Apparently, he thinks Shaggy's penis is really big. I do not like where this is going.

Then they find big fat bags of money in the sink. You know, all the money. From all those bank robberies that happened. I know I mentioned it before. Just then Daphne comes in with the hooded guy, who asks "WHERE... ARE... THE OTHERSSSS?" Velma proceeds to faux-ham it up in turn. Then she hatches a plan, she and Daphne lez it up, to create a distraction so Shaggy and Fred can jump the hood guy. This lasts for seventeen minutes, with Velma looking a lot more in to it. I wonder why. By the way... Velma doesn't shave either.
The distraction doesn't work. Fred and Shaggy jump out early because they want a piece of the action (wouldn't you?). Shaggy hits the hooded guy, resulting in a sped-up, half naked chase around the corridors of the mansion. Eventually, the guy gets so confused he just up and leaves. Couldn't so many other Scooby Doo mysteries have ended that way?

Swallowing they solve the mystery.

The four of them then start a great big fuck session, which ends with each of them having different partners from when they started, Fred fucking Velma and Shaggy fucking Daphne. This lasts for - no joke - 25 minutes. You wonder how Shaggy's cock is still there, after all that in one day. Then Scooby calls. He was at Scrappy's place all along. Great fucking story. Daphne thinks that a) she's pregnant and b) that Scrappy kidnapped Scooby. She then reveals that she called the police during the chase. Wow, the more I think about it, the stupider the plot seems.

The bad guy is captured, Scooby is found, and they get the mansion to themselves. They decide to have a money bath together. Daphne still thinks she's pregnant. End of porno.

Overall, the closest "homage" to the original source you can find. the actors share significant likeness to the characters they portray and the story suits what would happen in a real Scooby Doo cartoon. So far, my favourite parody I've seen.