Guardians Of The Galaxy

1940's Serials are back.

Guardians of the Galaxy is the latest entry into what is known as the Marvel Comics Cinematic Universe. Based upon the characters from the same comic book, the film was perhaps the least expected out of what's Marvel has been doing lately. Let's face it, who out of the many comic book readers around the globe has the Guardians as they're favorite read? Not many, I'm sure. Nevertheless, Marvel Studios are an experienced team and they knew this 80's obscure comic book would suit perfectly in a motion picture version, let's just remember this is not the first time Marvel Studios thinks of a second/third class comic book character. They already did it before in 2008 with Ironman. Yes, you read that right, I wrote Ironman. 

Connoisseurs of the comic book scene do know that Ironman was never Marvel's finest. Their top of the line heroes had always been Spiderman, Captain America, X-Men, Hulk & The Fantastic 4. Of course that was until the release of the first Ironman film, who not only positioned the character into the spotlight of films but it also allow to grow in its original source. Hell, not even the Avengers were so relevant before these films happened!

it's so dark in here.

Now, what does all this jibber jabber have to do with the Guardians of the Galaxy? 

The answer is: everything! as Marvel learned they could use the cinematic universe to foster their products characters, they would have no issues presenting a film with unfamiliar characters. Would DC Comics have the balls to do the same? Time will tell.

The real Guardians of the Galaxy.

The motion picture Guardians of the Galaxy.

One writer from IMDB said that Marvel could have "played it safe, but went into a bold new direction".
 
Well I don't know about you, but filling a movie with pop culture references to grab your attention and money, in what is quite literally "just another sci-fi adventure", is NOT taking a risk by any means. Maybe the IMDB reviewer meant "taking a risk" as releasing a film with unfamiliar characters for the poser nation of comic book film lovers, I repeat comic book film lovers, not comic book lovers, there is a huge difference there.

Some have compared this movie to Star Wars (father, forgive them for they have sinned), and even while that film was derivative of Saturday morning serials and classic science fiction films and TV, what made Star Wars unique is the creative ways it tips it's hat at the genre, and more specifically how hard everyone worked to make it their own. There was more depth to it, and it left you wondering, "didn't we see that in something else"? However Guardians Of The Galaxy embellishes with pop culture, very much like the roller-coaster ride operator who turns on the top 40 or R&B station while he locks you in your seat. That's not creating something unique, it's hopping on the back of something that's previously established, and it takes no effort to do so, only money (our money).

The bad guys.

The worse guy.

But don't take my word for it, see for yourself. Checking reviews for the film in IMDB and other highly respected Blogs, on almost every page someone writes their summary quoting the "Hooked on a Feeling" song. I know I've said this too many times before, people can think whatever they want BUT it's really weird that everyone is talking this film as an original piece that had never been seen before in theaters. That is a mere lie, bloody lie chums. Perhaps this film works wonders with children and teenagers who still have a world to experience, but to us, adults, the film does not offer anything we haven't seen before, and state of the art CGI do not make a film good just because.

I DID like Guardians of the Galaxy for it's art design, effects, stunts, sound design, and the battered underscore by Tyler Bates which was brilliant. But with scenes in which we have Chris Pratt making Kevin Bacon sound like a universal liberator of man during a romantic scene with Zoe Saldana, (and who references his name later in the film like a punch line) this movie is the epitome of that age old prediction, "Pop Will Eat Itself".

Rocket Raccoon.

a talking raccoon and a tree.

This movie is a mess of the worst kind: a never-ending cascade of contrivance after contrivance.

The plot, if it could be called so, is kickstarted by the theft of a magical plot device that evil people want. This also happens in The Avengers and Man of Steel, and it's not getting any more creative. The evil people fight the good guys, there's explosions and snarky humor everywhere, and it never rises above the level of an excuse plot. Characters get beaten close to death so the movie can have a sad moment before they get revived - all the protagonists are invincible. There's one particularly shameful scene where a character gets cast out into space and another character risks death to save them. But surprise! Somehow, a fleet of spaceships somewhere managed to find their exact location and arrive to save both within a minute! See, friendship saves the day again!

The dialog is just as useless as the plot: the characters either make juvenile jokes, exposit once again that they need to bring the magical plot device somewhere in order to prevent genocide by the evil guy (in case the audience forgot), have ham-fisted discussions about the value of friendship and overcoming adversity with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, or explain completely obvious things. The worst of this is when a character steps out into a visibly darkened corridor and comments on how dark it is.

Avatar?

Howard the Duck will be back.

I watched this movie only because my brother was so looking forward to it that I downloaded it for himself and watched it together (hell, a movie ticket is way too expensive to waste on a film like this). The film was highly anticipated, compared to blockbusters and boom! the hype around it was so damn bing that everyone wanted to see it. Today's film in review, The Guardians of the Galaxy is not a film, it's a product. Every bombastic special effect and every cardboard cutout character reek of a movie trying to sell itself and its tie-in action figures and comic books to 12-year old kids. The humor is juvenile, the plot and characters are shallow and facile, explosions and fighting are shoehorned in at every turn... there is no natural characterization, no genuine emotion, and no signs of intelligence. This movie is junk food cinema at its worst. We deserve better. 

Either way, since this is obviously the first in a new franchise, I'm sure we will find out what Marvel's priorities are in the next installment. Let's hope it's not just "The next Empire Strikes Back". 

Here's the movie trailer:

And here one of my favorite YouTube channels, Cinema Sins, with their signature "Everything wrong with..." video about GOTG:

 

And since GOTG is so over rated, let's add another great video courtesy of the "How it should have ended" Youtube team: