The Virgin Queen of Saint Francis High

Original Movie Poster.

It's Cliché movie time at Spam Alternative! We all know that in the 80's there were thousands of B movies depicting the sexual affairs of teenage horny boys & girls, but, did you know there were some exceptions to the rule? Like, my movie will go against the sexual thing and will make virginity prevail? well, you better believe it buddies.

The Virgin Queen of Saint Francis High is a 1987 Canadian film that features the same stuff you could find in every 80's teenage exploitation flick, adding barely one ingredient that somehow, just somehow would make the film feel a little fresher in comparison with the neverending list but, you know low budget, lame scripts & no sex or at least T & A is no good if you wanna make your way into the movie business. So, let's look at the bad elements of the film, and then we'll try to find a reason to make this movie worth watching.

Oh, please No sex.

I can only suck icecreams, what do you mean with suck my cock?

First, the 80's pop music fucking sucks! I mean, if there were thousands of famous pop bands/artists playing the lip synch shit and being famous imagine how bad it is not having any famous artist/band to support your soundtrack leaving you with no option but to hire a bunch of wannabe pop stars that look and sound even worse than the original shit? Now, if you're ok with it, I think you can survive. Second the 80's fashion was another piece of shit from hell, awful hairdo, awful swimsuits, horrible wool sweaters and even worse sunglasses and fluorescent colors everywhere to make have an epilectic fit for good.

Third the acting, oh my god, the acting it's average, there's this little boy who plays quite an interesting role at helping our main character in his neverending race for scoring with the virgin queen. The rest of the cast sucks, some act like a piece of wood, some others act, I mean some of them overact their asses out.

I bet you can't cum on her fucking face.

Shit! it was just a wet dream!

Fourth, the characters are all so clichéd, there isn't a single character you haven't met before in this kind of movies. We have the main character who's a loser looking for the hardest to fuck girl in town, we have the antagonist who's the Mr. High minded popular ass, we have the girls that try to protect the main female role for the horny boys, shall I continue? please, say no!

Now, there are some good elements on this movie, believe it or not, and I'm not drunk typing. 

The movie director Francesco Lucente, also wrote the entire script and I guess his idea was to teach a lesson to those asses who were actually trying to score as many girls as they could, just like in the movies they watched, so Mr. Lucente slaps in the face the horny boys by telling them "love matters ,sex is a part of it, but this isn't your average T & A movie so go wank somewhere else" And that's the only good thing about it if you want to see some refreshing 80's teen movie.

No, no vaginal sex nor anal!

I told you, I don't suck dicks.

A simple story, two guys make a bet. One is supposed to fuck the virgin queen, and the other of course, wants to keep the money by asuming fucking a girl like that is barely impossible. As the story develops our buddy Mike, starts falling in love with Diane, complicating the story a bit...

An orgy? are you out of your mind?

I had no idea your cum was so tasty, I want more from now on.

Overall I would give this flick 4 stars out of 10, just because it tries to present a different approach in the world of 80's teen exploitation flicks. Being honest, we don't give a fucking shit about virginity stories, if we like exploitation is just because we want to see sex, nudity and a barely sustainable plot.

No movie trailer, but still you can watch the entire film in Hulu or Bing.