Scorpion

It's true, he's kicked Chuck Norris' ass 3 times!

As yesterday's was a bit of horny action, today's entry is a bit of martial arts action. Believe or not this movie is starred by the one man on earth, and in the whole universe that has kicked Chuck Norris ass not only once but, three times! so, definitely this is a must watch! Tonny Tullener is the name of the star, the name of the icon who beat Norris ass! I mean, that's a prize everyone would love to have. 

"When Terror Rules, Only One Man Can Break Through!" The one and only Tonny Tulleners stars in his one and only movie role as Agent "Steve Woods" and gives an appropriately wooden performance, but what else would you expect? He is not an actor. He is a real life karate champion. His agent codename is "Scorpion"....you don't want to get stung by this guy! The action "kicks off" in Spain when Tonny injects himself into a barroom brawl. We don't know why but he looks cool with his killer 'Stache and a nylon jacket with brown bell bottoms and boots. Then after some confusing and unnecessary location changes, hopping from Spain to Holland to Hawaii and finally settling in L.A., the story begins.

Woods, Steve Woods.

Hurricane Kick!

I not only master the martial arts, I also master guns yo!

In a plot that is as relevant today as it was in 1986 (when the movie was made), terrorists take over an airplane and only one man can stop them: Larry Storch. No! It's "Scorpion" of course you fool! In an actual plot point, Woods' boss, tells him to wear shorts when boarding a plane that terrorists have taken over. It is still on the runway and filled with hostages. The reasoning is that the terrorists will see he is not carrying a gun. Woods takes his pants off and changes into some white short-shorts. Little did the terrorists know, his fists n' feet are the real weapons. Most of the hijackers are dispatched in short order. The main baddie, "Faued" is left alive and then a 90 minute cat & mouse game ensues....Tonny style.

A creepy looking blond guy and his black partner stalk Tonny and eventually get beat up by him, and unfortunately in one of the many melees, his partner and childhood friend kicks the bucket. There is an emotional flashback of Tonny and his friend in a park where they demonstrate their strength and try to push over a statue (yes, that actually happens). This strength wasn't enough to save his friend later in life. Tonny is very broken up about it. He is tough man, but he has a soft heart you know. His new partner inexplicably carries around a wooden recorder and starts playing an annoying tune. This clown can't live up to Tonny's fallen partner.A highlight of the film is the rockin' music. It was probably made by a guy playing the keytar and making a wicked "Keytar face". Tulleners beats up the bad guys like he means it.

Quit playing that awful flute!

Shoryuken!!!!!

Memory flashback.

Hands up you asshole!

Bang Bang!

Kick!

This is my ride yo.

Overall, a great rip-off of the many martial arts-meet-police agents from the 80’s, the action scenes aren’t probably the best around but, having a real martial arts master do pay. The movie is available on Millcreek’s 12 movie pack “Explosive Cinema” where the cover art is actually  the poster from this great flick.

Here the spoiler ending video: