Friday the 13th, the Final Chapter

Liar, Liar.

Hello fellow movie connoisseurs from all around the globe. Today's entry will take us to the unfortunate reality of the movie industry. Producers knew for sure that the Friday the 13th saga had become a money maker and they just wouldn't let it go until the last asshole dollars buying a ticket in the longest row for the latest Friday chapter was done. In the latest past reviews I told you about how clever was the F13 production team to add new elements within each new release, but anxious fans wouldn't let go so easily of the facts that made F13 so popular:

Friday the 13th Unquestionable truths: 

1. Crystal Lake Camp: the setting for teens partying hard, and of course home of the brave Jason Voorhees. 

2. Jason Voorhees, and his vendetta against teenagers who like to camp, get wasted and fuck.

Audiences knew what to expect from a F13 film, and they just wouldn't stand any changes to the following F13 commandments:

A) New teens in a new movie with their little or no background story.

B)Teens getting killed. Jason to be held responsible for the killings. 

Any deviation from this formula would not be tolerated. After all, it had made the film makers & producers rich enough to agree to a whole legion of close minded fans. We already know the "all good things come to an end" shit, so F13 had to met its destiny just like any human creation. And so in 1984, with a heavy heart and grand sendoff, Paramount Pictures, along with producer Frank Mancuso Jr., director Joseph Zito and writers Barney Cohen and Bruce Hidemi Sakow bid a fond, tearful farewell to the most beloved cash machine this side of Vegas could deliver by releasing Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. This would be the finale of the series (yeah, movie makers were really pulling our legs, weren't they?) and the be-all to end all for everyone's favorite hockey-masked mad serial killer...Jason Voorhees.

Director Joseph Zito had a curriculum of horror flicks before & since F 13 part IV. He merged his experience with part IV's script to deliver us from evil for once and for all.

Billy Corgan's cameo.

"I've never tried fisting before but, if it's ok with you dear Jason."

Let's play some videogames you nerdy boy!

Friday the 13th, The Final Chapter opens up with a montage of scenes set around the campfire story told in Part II, with scenes from the last three films cut in so as to illustrate Jason Voorhees' rise to stardom. I found the opening sequence a bit too boring for someone who's already seen F13 past films. Perhaps for those still hesitant of getting into the F13 world, such opening sequence would be interesting enough to get them straight into part IV. If only the whole movie was as fast paced as the flashback opening sequence I would definitely state that this is the best movie from the saga, and even if it wasn't it is my damn duty to review this B movie cause I love it just as much as Bill Gates loves waking up in the morning knowing Steve Jobs is dead.


Can we expect any news in this F13 sequel? well, the plot hasn't changed since the very fist movie - the only difference is we pick up from the very end of Part III where Jason's body is loaded up and taken to the city morgue.

Is Jason Voorhees dead? no, he is not. But, as the movie poster promises "this is the one you've been screaming for" Soon after Jason's apparently dead corpse is taken to the local hospital's morgue we find out he's been waiting for the right moment to be back in business. After getting rid of horny medical couple, Jason escapes his near-death experience, to return to Crystal lake, you know, home is where the heart is Jason's mum head is.


Of course, besides Jason Voorhees coming home, there are also headed to nowhere are a gaggle of stereotype teenagers heading his way too. They soon arrive in camp blood and meet a functional family that lives next door.

1984 was quite a prolific year for the world of movies. Films like GhostBusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Karate Kid and The Terminator were sold out blockbusters and F13, The Final Chapter had its part, becoming the highest-grossing horror movie of the year, out-performing even A Nightmare on Elm Street and Children of the Corn, which had their own legacies, sequels and so forth.

But to what end? When you make a series that has no growth, no development, no characters and no differences in plot from film to film, it reduces your regular movie-goers to freaky dudes marching off like mindless zombies after buying their movie tickets. Such zombies neither care about the film quality nor whether the film is entertaining or pure boredom.They just came to see Jason do his thing one more time (and probably checking out hot ladies getting either nude or fuck) but if you're not a zombie, it is natural for you to expect new territories in part IV. However, the movie is just a display of the best elements each prequel had, some kind of F13 greatest hits movie.

Trick or treat?

I may not look as cool as Freddy but still, I rock!

Got something in my eye.

So, in essence, the Friday the 13th saga is about a mentally-disturbed bastard who kills teenagers not only because they let him drown as a child but also because one killed his mother. and later generations of stupid teenagers go to the same camp to face the same fate. Just like generations of teenagers flock to the same theaters to see the same movie made and remade - from 1980 to today. And yet we consider our human race as the smartest. I've never seen my dog watching a remake, seriously he's the one telling me what to do in my blog.

Now, the inevitable round of questions: 

1) Is there anything good about Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? Only if you're into gore effects. 

2) Is there any good acting in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? Yes, if you consider screaming like mad as award winning acting.

3) Are there any memorable scenes in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? 

Only the beginning montage and maybe Crispin's later dance scene at The Lake house. However the girls and their nude scenes are really hot, because the gals they picked for this film are really really good at it.

Nude teens are never enough.

See the tits?

Tits, tits everywhere!

Shower fuck, a classic.

As you may have already guessed, Friday the 13th did not stop here. In spite of this being called The Final Chapter, who in their right mind would stop things now, just when they were really taking off, money-wise? Not Paramount, not Mancuso and certainly not any other suit who had anything to do with this franchise. They went on to make six more movies in the series, a TV show that lasted for three seasons and a movie reboot with the only good thing about it being huge tits & ass.

This, however, was about as huge as Friday the 13th got. Never again would the series enjoy as huge a cast of up-and-comers as here. Never again would it have a makeup effects man as enthusiastic about his craft as Tom Savini (he made Jason, he killed Jason) Never again would it be trusted after being caught in so blatant a lie as this. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was neither a stopping point nor a turning point, it wasn't even a rest stop! It was a bump in the road for a series that made blood, stupid teens & masked killers the signature element of hundreds of teen horror flicks. Sadly, F13 met its maker and became a parody of itself, providing the world industry with an extended list of horror clichés.

Here's the movie trailer: