Day of the Warrior

Boobie poster, I mean movie poster.

With yesterday's entry we got into the amazing of 90's exploitation master Andy Sidaris, we started checking The Dallas Connection, and today's entry will be about another Sidaris master piece. 1996's Day of the Warrior.

Continuing with his master formula since 1985, Mr. Sidaris delivers another entertaining film with plenty of T & A, sex scenes and nude scenes. Oh! I forgot, there's also a plot, guns, explosions and some talking.

a Girl & a Gun.

Nice gums, I mean guns.

Girls do wear clothes from time to time.

Action!

Nice gun!

Day of the Warrior -- subtitled A L.E.T.H.A.L. Force Adventure -- is his most complex film yet, as his L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) ladies team up against the titular, muscular Warrior, an Olympic gold medalist/ex-CIA agent/pro wrestler/fine art dealer/pimp/diamond smuggler/porno bootlegger, for reasons I can't remember because I was so distracted by the breasts.

From frame one, the film bears Sidaris' unmistakable print: We see former Penthouse babe Julie K. Smith undercover, naturally, as a stripper, and she shakes her unlawfully large bosoms in slow motion. This is followed by the on-screen credit, "Written and Directed by Andy Sidaris" and Smith's comely purr to the viewer, "You can own me...if you just call me...Cobra!" Brilliant!

Sidaris' logic apparently hasn't waned during his hiatus, either. One of the evil guy's surfer sidekicks asks a sunbathing Stanford grad what her GPA was, so she stands, yanks off her bikini top and says, "38-24-34." Genius! Like that other master of suspense Alfred Hitchcock, Sidaris is self-referential, with posters of his earlier opuses gracing the walls of a condo. Furthermore, Sidaris seeks not only to entertain, but educate. For example, did you know Smith has a bat tattoo right above her butt crack? Me neither!

Key Scene.

Key Scene 2.

Key Scene 3.

Key Scene 4.

Key Scene 5.

Key Scene 6.

Aiding Cobra in this epic battle are Cmdr. Willow Bay (Penthouse vet Julie Strain) and Tiger (former Playboy playmate Shae Marks). When we first see Strain hard at work in the spy office, she's in a leopard-print swimusuit on the stair-stepping machine, trying to work off some buttock cellulite. In two separate instances, Strain knocks men to the floor by socking them in the face with her rock-solid breasts. Meanwhile, Marks makes mayhem with a pistol, a crossbow and two bazookas -- the latter being her newly enlarged breasts, impressive feats, yet so grossly overdone that her upper chest is already showing severe stretch marks. I give her a year before her body buckles under the pressure and gives way. And that's too bad; she's a welcome addition to Sidaris' regular roster of players.

Interwoven within the intricate illegal diamond and skin-flick rings are American Gladiator Zap as a double-crossing villainess who shotguns an animatronic owl; Elvis Fu, an Asian King of Rock and Roll impersonator ("Sank you, sank you very much!"); and Smith singing her own song, the smartly titled "Psychic Rape." In between, the line "I have to get something off my chest" is spoken by three different people, most notably by Marks, who is referring to her clingy, cumbersome top.

As with all Sidaris films, Warrior ends happily as all the sultry spies and their respective bedmates clink their celebratory champagne glasses together. But to prove he's not one to merely recycle old ideas, Sidaris lets Elvis Fu return for an encore performance during this toast. Bravo! A masterpiece!

Remember that this film has been re-released in the 12 movie pack called Girls, Guns & Strings, which is the Andy Sidaris collection.

As usual I finish my entry with the movie trailer: